WIBU to tell ex I wasn't happy?

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Ex and I share a 9 year old DS, we've been split since before he was one.

We've had various issues and ex isn't/wasn't the greatest but more recently things have been better.
Today DS confided in me that he was feeling stressed and confused. Before lockdown, as in the weekend before it was announced, ex said it would be best if DS didn't visit because ex lives with his mum who is vulnerable. DS has not seen his dad since the weekend of 7th March.
Ex then told me he moved out when lockdown was announced to live with a friend. It turns out ex has a new girlfriend (I don't care, I've had a baby and am now married but ex has a habit of lying about being in a relationship, telling DS they are friends and then suddenly telling him and springing someone on him) and has told DS not to tell me he is there.
DS feels like ex chose his girlfriend over him because if ex was home he could still see him. Ex hasn't asked to see DS. DS also doesn't understand why he has been asked to lie.

I WhatsApped ex tonight basically asking if it was true and, if it was, letting him know I was less than impressed due to how upset DS is. I told ex I don't care if he's in a relationship, I've moved on and I am happy, but I'd appreciate not being lied to repeatedly. I've said DS feels second best and is seriously reconsidering how he feels about seeing ex (all true and at 9, almost 10, I feel like his views count).

Sorry pressed send too early.
WIBU to tell him?

Yanbu - he deserved to be told, what a dick.
Yabu - what he tells DS and who he spends lockdown with is none of my concern.

Yanbu, he did choose his GF over DS and lied about it. its upset him so deserved to be called out on it imo

It’s absolutely shite. But I’m not sure what the answer is. Similar situation here in that my Step children have been at home with me and DH since beginning of lockdown. Their Mum speaks to DH about once every two weeks in a panic that we’re going to force them back to her, whilst also telling the kids how much she misses them and they’ll be “home” soon. Her life has continued as normal, babysitting for friends etc. They don’t know what ways up but haven’t said anything yet as she’ll just throw toys out the pram!

I don't understand why he had told your joint son to lie.

His loss - as soon as your son goes to secondary school he won't bother to see his father.

I don't understand why he lied either, or why he asked DS to lie to me.
His mum and brother are in on it too which has infuriated me.

Why place that on a child?
DS has never met the girlfriend but ex has been bringing her on to their WhatsApp calls. Why!?

But he didn't choose the GF over the son! What he did makes no sense...

He couldn't see son because elderly mum. He moved out, so why can't he see son now?

He's not chosen GF over son, he's just choosing not to bother with son for no reason at all? Worse!

Sorry my mistake. He told DS he couldn't come because his mum might be vulnerable. Exs mum offered to go to her sisters/cousins and let ex stay in the house, he said no.

DS has never met the girlfriend before. Didn't even know she was serious. Has never been around her and apparently she has no room for him.

If ex has introduced them, told me he was staying there for lockdown and still wanted to see DS I'd be fine.
If he hadn't asked DS to lie to me I wouldn't be fine at him choosing her but I wouldn't be as annoyed.

The bottom line is he can't be bothered with his son. YANBU at all, but I think it's best to have the conversation on the phone, instead of WhatsApp.

The tone can move misunderstood and lead to other issues. Let him know that DS told you he felt confused and explain your concerns calmly.

@SandyY2K unfortunately written communication is the only way I can contact him. Otherwise he lies/manipulates what has been said.

He's behaving like an idiot to be honest.

I would text and call him out on it.

Asking your child to lie to their other parent is one of the most damaging things you can do to them surely?

This man sounds both stupid and cruel.

Yeah your ex sounds horrible and i wouldnt be impressed if i was his gf.

I feel that he didnt tell you because he k ows that what he has done is a horrible thing to do to a child

He has no good reason to not see his son. He isn't protecting his mother.

If your DS doesn't want to see him, and he doesn't want to see Ds, then leave them to it. He can make the arrangements himself and see how much time DS has for him having proved he's a shit father.

Has he responded to you yet?

DS feels like ex chose his girlfriend over him
Well that is exactly what his dad did!
I don't blaming your DS for feeling how he does.
What a shitty dad.
Nothing you can do though other than continue to be an amazing mum.

Apparently he told DS that because at that time, the last time they spoke, they weren't going out and be didn't want to confuse DS and it wasn't important and not to say.

So they weren't going out then but 16 days later they were serious enough to move in together for lockdown ..