to wish FiL would not call ds...

[phdlife]

"stupid boy"?

He's always called dh that, they get it from Dad's Army and think it's a great joke. On the one hand, fair enough, it's their shared culture, I'm foreign, what do I know? On the other hand, dh has major issues about speaking up for himself at work, specially around promotion/job application time - always terrified of being seen as "a thruster", to point where his career suffers.

And now FiL has started on my 5m ds! Can I ask him to stop? Or am I just having sense of humour failure?

YANBU
That is a terrible way to speak to anyone, no wonder your dh has issues. How would FIL take it if you asked him to stop? And would it matter if he took it badly? Your dcs self esteem matters more than the feelings of your fil.

I think he'd be okay - his own mother used to threaten to take you "out back and smack your hands and face" if you said anything about her ds, so I reckon he'd be okay if I pointed out I feel exactly the same way?

Just wasn't sure whether it was okay as it was just jokey jokes. Dh and his dad are best friends, after all, he doesn't see this as connected to his professional confidence issues!

phd never realised you were foreign where you from?

I think it's funny. It's a joke

I would explain to dh that you understand that its a joke between him and his dad but they are both adults. I would say you dont want anyone calling your son such names, and when he goes to school, he could get in trouble and your trying to set a good example.
L

YANBU.
Could you point out to your FIL that when your ds is old enough to understand the words he will not get the joke and it could have a much greater impact than he realises?

lisad123 had a good way of putting it, by saying that it wouldn't be good if your ds started saying it, this may be a good way of getting it across to your fil.

hm yeah like the "setting a bad example" idea, might try that, thanks.

shosha - I was a Yank, got better and became an Aussie

Phd maybe you could explain to FIL that when ds is older he might like to share his love of Dads Army with his gs but that until then you'd rather he didn't hear it incase he brings it up innapropriately when he starts to talk?

Well, if you tell a child he is clever all the time, he growns up to fit the description, if you call him stupid... well he may end up believing that of himself.

I would stop the FIL, is unreasonable, in any culture.

I hate it too when my FIL says my son has been stupid. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I tell FIL not too but he doesn't remember.

yanbu

at fil

now I've noticed it's just a constant stream of "affectionate" abuse - and the thing is, I know he's actually quite nice, loves ds, and is thrilled to be here - he just behaves like a poorly socialised 15yr old when excited.