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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DH an absolute twat

63 replies

MadameBee · 26/04/2020 19:21

I arranged to Skype with a group of friends this afternoon, online for scoot and hour, DH joined in at points.

I asked if he wanted to Skype his dad (hasn’t some so since lockdown) he called his dad and they were eating tea so they agreed to Skype later. DH then says he’s starving so I cook some tea, halfway through me cooking it he says I was supposed to call my dad 14 minutes ago, ok I will try to keep this warm.

20 mins later dinner is really beginning to dry out, so I tell DH and say why don’t you call your dad back after we have eaten. DH gets all huffy and says “why did you say it was ok to call him” I say I am not a fucking magician I cannot keep the food warm forever, it’s chicken and it’s drying out.

He then says he won’t be available when we Skype my family later (at a pre arranged time) and goes and sits in our bedroom and eats his dinner.

OP posts:
Weregoingonanadventure · 26/04/2020 19:56

@Quartz2208
I skyped with my ex's mum yesterday with the kids. I could have just left the kids to it but we had a wee chat with all of us and then I left the kids to it.

She's my kid's gran. Why wouldn't I talk to her? And why would you find it at all strange for people to talk to their spouses family? They're all family!

Noconceptofnormal · 26/04/2020 20:01

Meh, my husband does this sort of thing all the time, so I just eat mine whenever if he's distracted doing something else and leave his in the pan or oven to heat up. If it's gone cold or not as nice because it's dried out then it's not my problem, it never seems to bother him, and I don't get annoyed.

Sparklfairy · 26/04/2020 20:02

It was a Kiev (don judge me).

No judgement here. Kievs are ace! Apart from the burping of garlic all evening Grin

Quartz2208 · 26/04/2020 20:04

Sorry I didnt explain myself very well - of course if you want to have a chat by means do it but the whole thing seems to be set off because they couldnt fit it all in and people got stressed.

But the flip side is its ok not to want to as well. If you have the time and its relaxing yes speak to everyone but if there isnt enough time or you simply dont feel like it it shouldnt be a big deal.

That is what I was trying to say

Dontknowwhyidoit · 26/04/2020 20:06

I don't think @Quartz2208 was saying you must hate your in laws not to be involved in a Skype call. Surely it's a non issue if your partner isn't there. My husband doesn't want to talk to my mother and vise versa, and they do get along as my mum comes to stay with us for weeks at a time when she visits. If he is in the room he might join in the conversation but the focus of the call is me talking to my mum.

Kraejka · 26/04/2020 20:09

Don't know why you were so bothered about his food drying out. His food. His problem. He's a big boy now and knows what happens if you leave your dinner to chat on the phone for ages.

The next time something like that happens just shove the plate in the oven (which will probably still be warm) and if it's not to his liking when he comes back, tough shit.

He's being pathetic huffing about the whole thing though.
Is he normally like this or is lockdown getting to him?

Quartz2208 · 26/04/2020 20:09

exactly @Dontknowwhyidiot not everything has to be some massive great big group zoom chat.

Sometimes my parents facetime my DD. Sometimes I say hello, sometimes I join in and others I dont bother at all and leave them to it.

The problem here appears to be the expectation that they both have to be there even if it isnt convenient

BlueJava · 26/04/2020 20:14

Why are you fussing about his dinner? Why can't he eat it whilst he's on skype.

Hont1986 · 26/04/2020 20:17

I think you were the twat here tbh. You tell him he should call his dad, then call him away in the middle of it to eat his dinner?! He's not a child, just put it in the oven.

And I notice that you were happy to be preparing a meal during his 'scheduled call' but it's an affront if DH isn't available during yours...

EricaNernie · 26/04/2020 20:17

I had to nag my dh to make a call before we ate, He did as he was told

LyndaSnellsSniff · 26/04/2020 20:18

Was he jealous about your Skype call with your friends? He sounds like a whiny child TBH.

Ignore him and don’t rise to the bait.

EricaNernie · 26/04/2020 20:19

14 minutes ago?

is he always so very particular?

EricaNernie · 26/04/2020 20:21

the story is all something and nothing tbh

Hassled · 26/04/2020 20:24

I do love a chicken Kiev.
This sounds like one of those pointless petty rows we're all having because we've just been cooped up together for so bloody long. Everything feels like a massive deal at the moment when under normal circumstances you probably wouldn't care.
Next time just leave him to it - if the food is cold/dry that's not your problem.

Mrsmadevans · 26/04/2020 20:26

Tell him to grow up , childish bgr !

smiften · 26/04/2020 20:35

I could hear my neighbour shouting at her teenage son earlier, apparently he just doesn't listen and won't get off his backside and help out.

She was actually yelling at her husband. Sign of the times.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 26/04/2020 20:58

He acted dickish

But why not just eat your dinner and not worry about his going dry/cold?

He would not mind dry chicken, so why do you make a fuss over it

Don’t sweat the small stuff, just get on with your live and he gets in with his

CorianderLord · 26/04/2020 21:11

Just leave it on the side and he can microwave it...?

Since when is it gross and rude to eat on Skype to your family? 😂

Ellie56 · 26/04/2020 21:22

He's a mega twat.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 26/04/2020 21:23

OP you are acting a bit like his mother. He's a grown up- if he leaves his dinner to get cold then tough shit- he can eat cold dinner cant he?. You simply dont need to nag and fret about it- let him eat a cold dry chicken. I think youve made this into a big thing that it really need not have been.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/04/2020 21:34

Errrm, this was caused by a failure of communication between the two of you, by both of you.

'I'm hungry'
'Ok, I'll cook now, dinner will be ready at x time, ok?'
'Oh no, that's about when I said I'd call Dad back'
'Oh right, so maybe have a snack now and we'll eat after you've finished. What time will that be?'

It's just odd that you started cooking immediately at his request, without either of you thinking about the timings.

FOJN · 26/04/2020 21:44

Have to admit I'm a bit baffled by the whole thing. I think you're assuming too much responsibility for a grown man. Why were you prodding him to Skype his dad, surely he can sort that himself if he wants to. He says he's starving and it YOU that starts cooking dinner. He obviously knew what time he'd arranged to Skype, did he tell you? He could have got a snack to see him through. You postpone your dinner to Skype with him and then worried about dinner drying out.

It all sounds a bit unnecessary to be honest. Perhaps you could treat him like a grown up and then he might behave like one. I appreciate that sounds a bit harsh, it's not meant to, it's a serious point.

BubblyBarbara · 26/04/2020 22:23

How does a Kiev go dry in twenty minutes? It’s covered in bread crumbs anyway

monkeymonkey2010 · 26/04/2020 22:37

Why are you 'telling/reminding' him to call his dad anyway?
Surely he's capable of thinking and doing that for himself if he feels like it?
If he doesn't - then that's between him and his parents.

Do you do all the card/gift buying for his family too?
It's probably best in the longterm of you leave the mental load of his family communications for him to manage.

As for him reminding you about calling your dad - seriously stop!
Does it even matter that much if you don't end up calling and just call the next day?
Plus it isn't difficult to remember or look at the time yourself....especially when you have decided to make dinner and know roughly how long it takes?

You both need to chill!

kazza446 · 26/04/2020 22:42

I’ve got a “dick” here too! Can I join the thread?? We have started a weekly pub quiz by zoom every Saturday. DH sat in our quiz last night playing on his phone and then moaning he never heard the question. He only ever interacted when he hadn’t heard the questions or to slag someone off. Everyone was laughing and joking in between, he was just moaning that they were taking ages. Someone made a joke and he called them a cock. He can be so embarrassing and socially inept.