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AIBU?

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To think my ex needs more than a slap on the wrist

8 replies

jaoler · 26/04/2020 18:27

I had DS with my ex partner.

In the past year he was emotionally abusive/manipulative on exchanges with our DS, he then turned threatening and aggressive and consequently was stopped seeing DS and given a harassment notice.

He then broke that harassment notice twice - a statement made both times.
He was then arrested for charges against my partner and charged with harassment.

He then breached his bail by following us and trying to speak to my DS.

And now again this afternoon, he's followed us and tried to get to him and when I've walked away, he's started shouting horrible stuff at me loudly in a public place.

Apart from these inappropriate attempts to get to him, he's made no other effort. He was offered supervised contact and he declined.

Every statement I've made and the times he was in court has resulted in a slap on the wrist and being told he needs to go through a lawyer if he wants contact and after every time there's been an incident where he's approached us or turned up at our house or followed us.

My DS is 3. I'm really concerned about the emotional problems he'll have if his 'dad' keeps following us and shouting stuff when he hasn't made any effort to see him otherwise. I'm finding this really hard thinking about the emotional struggles for my little boy if this keeps happening.
It makes me so angry that he could have such a negative effect on his life even though he's not even made an effort to be in his life anyway.

OP posts:
BrooHaHa · 26/04/2020 18:29

That's awful. He should definitely get more than a slap on the wrist- how many women and their new partners have to be killed by exes before courts take this stuff seriously?

Any chance you could move?

jaoler · 26/04/2020 18:34

@BrooHaHa exactly. It's worrying how much this isn't taken seriously. I doubted the system anyway with cases like this but I was even shocked with the lack of consequence!

Moving isn't an option. My DP has other children where we are!

OP posts:
BrooHaHa · 26/04/2020 18:45

That makes things trickier. Could you move locally so that he at least doesn't know where you live and then travel a bit further for shopping etc so there's no risk of running into him on the high street/going around the supermarket?

user1000000000000000001 · 26/04/2020 18:47

My ex got a slap on the wrist for assault by beating and threats to kill. A weapon was present as were two kids under the age of 2. Still just a slap on the wrists.

None of it is is taken seriously

jaoler · 26/04/2020 18:48

@BrooHaHa we've already moved house so he no longer knows where I live, but we live in a very small area so the chances of bumping into him stay higher than I'd like Sad

OP posts:
jaoler · 26/04/2020 18:49

@user1000000000000000001 that is absolutely awful. I'm so sorry you went through that Thanks

OP posts:
Bollards21 · 26/04/2020 18:52

Agree ...you have to sort this sooner rather than later. Bullies like this tend to run a mile when you put the shoe on the other foot.Hope it gets sorted.

slipperywhensparticus · 26/04/2020 18:58

Sounds like you need to move just a little further out before your little one begins school

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