Toddler turned against DH

[Boatymcboatofftheboat]

Context: DS Is 21 months. He is very chatty, often speaks in 6/7 word sentences. Seems to understand what he is saying.

The last 2 weeks he has just started freaking out whenever my husband comes in the room. It’s totally bizarre - my husband is a great father. He usually works a lot more and isn’t home but now it’s like he comes in the room and my son starts crying and saying “go away daddy! Go in the kitchen” (or whichever room we are not currently in). Sometimes during the day it’s fine and he’s happy with DH but sometimes he tries to send him away. DH finding it very hurtful and I’m not sure how to proceed! Any advice please?

There is no AIBU I’m just posting for traffic 😊

We still have this with our 4 year old. Hes very "pro mummy" but runs hot and cold with DH. It can be hurtful as DH loves him to bits but is also ordered from the room/banned from cuddles and refused a good night kiss at times. Some days he will seek out DH for cuddles and play etc so it kind of balances out over time. We just ride it out and try not to make a big deal out of it.

My son went through this phase. He just wants your undivided attention and isn't used to your dh being there so often.
Just tell him every time that it's not kind. He'll grow out of it.

Did your son's change in behaviour start when your husband started staying home ? Or did something else happen a couple of weeks ago ?

It may just be a phase ? He finds it disturbing that his routine has changed ? Did he behave like this when you were all on vacation ?

I assume you'd have noticed if your husband was a bit short-tempered or abrupt with your son during the day ?

My 2 year old does this. Takes my hand and pulls me away or turns my head away to only face him. We find it very funny. They grow out of it OP.

@ambereeree yeah mine used to do that at that age.
Still at 3 years 8 months if I'm on the phone for any more than 10 minutes he starts pulling on me etc.
He's better with dh now as he made a real effort to take him swimming and softplay every weekend without me to bond. They're both really missing it now.

Dd went through that phase
It did have it's good points when she would wake up during the night and all you could hear in the monitor was Daddy! Meant I could turn over and go back to sleep while dh got up.

Thank you so much everyone!! This is highly reassuring as we don’t know any older toddlers and none of the peer group are doing it so we were worrying

DH is the nicest person ever. I wonder if this has started just because he’s home so much now (all the time) and therefore having DS a lot more on his own.

@fedupwiththisshitnow

I like that! I will make “that’s not kind” my mantra and he will eventually get it...

It’s a phase. All 3 of mine have done it. Sometimes they loved me, sometime DH.

My son did this - would shout at DH to go away and go outside and say he didn’t like him etc. DH took it really well and just carried on as normal and it passed within a few weeks - actually I think seeing more of DH in lockdown was the turning point. DS has just turned 2 and this was a couple of months ago so v similar age.

@HarrietM87

Thank you!

I really hope he doesn’t turn on me - it looks so upsetting 😭

Absolutely. My girl is 3.5 years old and she's always only wanted mummy and screams go away daddy I don't want daddy all the time. It is very hurtful and my DH gets very frustrated and hurt by it but it does seem to be common. It's very sad really. My DH works shifts (also a key worker) and he's just not around for bedtime or mornings getting up, bath time and it's me that collects her from childcare. I think this is how it has happened. If he did more or any (he doesn't) of the above then I believe things would be different.

@mamalicious3030

Yes - sounds very similar as I’m a SAHM so always there. I reckon he’s just not used to having DH around and rebelling and he thinks DH home = less time with me (as now DH has taken over bath time etc).

He's being jealous and possessive of your attention. It will pass. My grandson (2 3/4) is a bloody nightmare with his mother - if she dares to talk to anyone else he screams, shouts, grabs her, insists she picks him up. Does any sort of attention seeking annoying behaviour he can come up with.

DD was like this at times with DH. It's not nice but it does pass.
Once life is more normal again, make some space and time for them to do things together that don't involve you so Dad can build more rapport with your DS.
DD and DH got on great in my absence but she was (and still is) Mummy's girl.

My daughter went through a similar phase just after she turned 2, and was extremely clingy to me too. I couldn't go anywhere without her sobbing for me, and she would say 'I don't like daddy!'.

Honestly, it lasted about 3-4 months and then just stopped. At the time we just sort of ignored it and didn't comment on it too much. Just acknowledged it 'Ahh, you really want mummy' etc and moved on.

She's forgotten all about it now (nearly 3) and quite regularly tells me she prefers daddy doing bathtime as he is more fun!

Mine went through this stage too - would tell his dad, 'get your own baby!'

I’m a little nervous as baby due in a couple of months... so hopefully it’s passed by then!

would tell his dad, 'get your own baby!'

LOL