To ask if you have a partner with autism?

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And if so, do you recognise any of these traits at all, in your partner:

-Real trouble wearing 'new' stuff. Will wear old despite huge holes/damage/wear and finds it hard to swap to the 'new' item. New item will sit in drawer for years yet will wear stuff with holes the size of tennis balls.
-Hoarding of certain things
-Finds change/idea of change very stressful
-Struggles mentally and physically without routine
-Complete lack of self-motivation, but not lazy at all, and follows instructions of others well
-One speed of doing things, there is their way and that's that, no ability to speed up/shortcut if there's time pressure
-Meticulous, time-consuming attention to detail, despite there being no need/possibility for perfection
-Self-negative talk if something is done 'wrong' or badly
-Loner, very few/no friends or social life at all
-Doesn't realise when he's boring people with long stories...

I love my DH and I've always accepted how he is, I wouldn't change anything other than to make him more confident in himself.

It's just a friend mentioned to me if I'd considered if DH was autistic and it had never occurred to me and now I'm wondering!

Does anyone recognise any of these as ''traits'' or is my DH is just uniquely special with his particular 'ways'!

I can't answer your question but I'm now wondering if it is autism my DP might have it. Those exactly his issues.

My husband isn't autistic but my DS is and I probably am. It certainly sounds like he could be. If you are both happy then it shouldn't matter.

Yes to basically all of those.

Diagnosed 18 months ago, generally ASD and specifically PDA as a part of that.

We've been together nearly 16 years and yes its hard work, one particular trait that drives me up the wall, is that he CANNOT deviate from his plan, if something pops up that takes priority...

For example if he is cooking a meal and then I were to smash a glass (which I cannot clean up from a wheelchair) and we've got dogs that might stand in it, he will tell me to 'hang on' whilst he cooks the meal, and cannot grasp that I can't make an emergency 'hang on' until he's done what he is doing!

I would find it simple to move the pan off the cooker and deal with the emergency but for him I think it is mentally painful to do this... which doesnt stop it being intensely frustrating for me and potentially dangerous at times!

He also has little idea of tone of voice and we have had many arguments resulting from him sounding aggressive or sarcastic when he had no intention of coming across that way at all.

I'm autistic and struggle with some of those things but not others.

cannot grasp that I can't make an emergency 'hang on' until he's done what he is doing

That made me remember the time I came home from a run, I was having a mild asthma attack and breathlessly asked DH to grab my inhaler which was upstairs - he FINISHED WASHING PLATES first!

I laugh now but at the time I was thinking what on hell is he finishing that plate for, I'm bloody dying!

Thank you for the replies - in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter if autism does/doesn't inform some of his quirky traits, he's also utterly loyal, clever, insanely practical and a very generous and kind husband, I wouldn't change an atom of him. :)

maybe the clothes thing

My dp was in the middle of being assessed when we went to lock down they had done a first assessment and found things they wanted to look into more so he was waiting for that.

Most of your list is the same it's very hard work I find being his only close friend as well as partner exhausting.

He is also a nightmare if the plan changes and wants everything done on his timescale even if there is no need for it. He can speed up but it stresses him.

Rings a lot of bells. When I was very young and first married DH went into melt down because I changed the cushion covers.
He once drove off leaving me with a seriously ill toddler and a new born because I asked him to drive to the village ( no mobiles then) and call the doctor and he didn't want to say the doctors name because it was "funny" i.e. Not English . It was the middle of the night. When I suffered a bereavement he told me to stop crying because he couldn't hear the TV . There were other issues too .. .

My ex-dp was like this. Diagnosed as autistic as a teen. It was part of why we split and why he doesn't have the kids overnight/alone as he can't cope.

i do, i live with 3 of them partner is 38 boys 15 and 9

autism is such a deep spectrum though

my partner has it on the very mild end but boys have mild for oldest moderate for youngest.we also know kids who have it very severe

the post sounds like could have it which used to be called aspergers,partner and oldest was given this diagnosis so i still say it this way,now they have just chucked it all in as asd

he is hard work,emotionally more that physically but also amazing as he does what i do which is 24/7 carer and 24/7home educator and he is our driver as well as i dont drive

ive been with him nearly 21 years he was 17 me 18.growing up in the 80s/early 90s he was classed as different and a bit slow so school never bothered with him my grandad taught him to read and write at 17

he got diagnosed as a adult at 31 just after the oldest got diagnosed at 8.i realized that what our son is doing/been doing my partner has done all along but as he was my only ever boyfriend i didnt know any different

it is hard work living with 3 of them but as we are actively involved a few times a week with a disability group(where a lot are severe) this as well as home education groups is our life tbh

My step-father and my sister are both autistic.

One of their most prominent things is talking/thinking style which can be best described as "railroad thinking".
Most people think like cars driving on a road - they can stop and start with ease, change lanes and take easy diversions.
My stepdad and sister are distinctly railroad thinkers/conversationalists - they can only stay on one track, that track must be adhered to - the thoughts can change direction but only at the right, designated point. They can no more change the direction of conversation than a train can turn around.

It took me a really long time to realise that they weren't being rude, arrogant or stubborn - they just simply couldn't transition from one subject to another. Similar difficulties with grey areas - most things are either right/wrong, yes/no, good/bad with no inbetween.

It's a lot easier to handle when you understand it as a lot of the times it's masked and then just comes across as rude.

We are waiting for a diagnosis for my dp, went to drs last jan and had an appointment for nov this year!!!

Dp needs notice for everything! He has a set routine for the week and cannot just do spontaneous things. Like if dd was to unexpectedly stay at grandparents and I say let's go out for a drink. He couldn't process that, as it wasn't in his plan of what to do together. It is tough as I am a spontaneous person.

He also get obsessive over different hobbies and can not get comfortable in the day until he has gone the activity. Which can again impact on family life.

Dp didn't think he was autistic, though we had often jokingly said about it. It was only when he was talking to a colleague at work who had been recently diagnosed, he thought he was and I replied I always thought we knew! He is also more inclined to get a diagnosis now as our dd is showing a lot of the trait that dp sees in himself.

Yep. ex has quite a few of those, and so do I.

ex will be the last to know he is autistic.

I am on the ever increasingly long waiting list for diagnosis.

both children have a diagnosis.