To be bitter about family still visiting each other

[IsntThatYourThirdPlate]

Starting to wind my self up about things but OH’s brother and partner and the kids still visiting MIL there all having dinner together had a birthday party. OH says I sound bitter I should mind my own and if I wasn’t in the vulnerable category he would still be going round too.

MIL and FIL not bothered about them visiting there still going round there’s too.

Aibu?

YABU. Mind your own business. They're adults. They can make their own choices.

If they get ill and pass this to you mil will your oh be unhappy then I wonder?

YABU, mind your own business. These times have really brought out the worst in people.

thing is if bil etc are breaking the guide lines and visiting mil - then you can bet there more likely to be breaking other rules which will put them at risk.

Agreed. Look after yourself and ignore what others are up to. The only person affected by anger, bitterness, grudges etc is you. I'd be finding my own way to make the most of this time in lockdown and forget about what your family are up to. There's nothing you can do to change it.

It is irritating, as things like that will only prolong the lockdown and put other people at risk. I don’t really agree with the posters who are saying ‘it’s none of your business’ - it’s potentially spreading a deadly virus and causing our lives to be put on hold for longer than necessary!

That being said, their actions are out of your control. There is no use worrying or getting upset. I would tell them how you feel, and then get back to focusing on your life and health. You’re doing the right thing by staying inside, and that’s really all you can control!

They are idiotic

Old adage is true. You can not alter their behaviour, just how you react to it.

I would say that your OH is unreasonable to be honest.
I think PHE will be bringing back contact tracing before lockdown is lifted so it could backfire on your ILs that they have been mixing households in a way that passes on the infection.

You've taken an angry pill hoping someone else will get sick. In reality the only person this will affect is you.

You can't control other people's actions, only your own. Also, IME, the way time is divided between parents/PiLs and their various sons, daughters and in-laws is the single biggest reason for ill-feeling and division among families, especially when there's a golden-child/scapegoat dynamic (in which case it's best to step away, as these are never other than toxic). There are all sorts of factors that could affect why one sibling spends more time with the parents than others. There isn't much you can do other than cultivate your own family relationships on the basis of their own merit, and on their connection with you, rather than others. This is the number 1 situation in which competition is the thief of joy.

Would I be right in suspecting that this is a symptom of what the relationship is like in general, lockdown aside? If so, it will be an understandable sore point with you. If not, I'd let it slide.