To think he could make more of an effort ..

[Isobored]

DH are reaching that very snappy point and getting easily annoyed with each other.
We are both still working, thankfully but from home. It is becoming very apparent how little he does ........
I'm sick of not only work 60 hours a week but carrying most of the load at home. I'm trying to keep on top of the house and I feel like he just goes around behind me making a mess.....I clean the kitchen, he dumps a load of dishes in the sink. Our walk in was a mess, so I spent a day sorting / cleaning it but now he won't put away a basket of laundry because he doesn't know where anything goes.
He feels like he does 'lots' because he cooks and will put a load of laundry on ...... but the laundry won't get any further than just into the machine and he cooks dinner, but will happily just eat toast for b'fast or minute noodles for lunch.
I've tried to do some different things while at home, like a curry night, yum char, champagne high tea, making candles with DSS for his mum. But no-one does anything nice for me or suggests something other than watching things they like and eating their preferences. I'm just over it to be honest ........ appreciate that this is first world problems. But AIBU to think he could help more or suggest something for us to do. When I talk to him he gets really defensive and from his POV he contributes 50% if not more because he earns marginally more than me.

Do you get equal leisure time?

No.

Well that is the real problem isn't it...

Got some reason he believes you don't deserve it, ask him why he thinks that.

Maybe write a list of chores and write next to them who does what and stick it in front of him to process.
Sometimes men need things spelling out to them literally

He can spend "his" extra paying for someone else and when that still isn't enough for you to have equal leisure time what's his excuse.

Need to tell him a cleaner is at least £10ph, how many hours per month is he going to pay for to even it up?

Yanbu but

I've tried to do some different things while at home, like a curry night, yum char, champagne high tea, making candles with DSS for his mum

Most men don't give a shit about stuff like this

But it would be me to make the list, he wouldn't stick to it.
It would be me to find the cleaner and I would end up paying for it.
Even when we get takeaway, I pay for it because I have the app' and it's me that sorts plates, tidied up etc.
petty I know ...
Agree that guys don't give a shit about 'high teas etc' but I'm trying to make it nice for DSS !

What's he doing to make things nice for his son? You can order takeaways on websites or he could get the app? He's being deliberately lazy and you're picking up where he slacks off so you're both to blame. Does he want his son to not be able to run a house or be a decent husband or something? Because that's what he's teaching him.

Maybe I'd you stopped doing so much for him, he'd realise how much you do and start doing things himself.

Always remember that if you act like a doormat, people will wipe their feet on you. That's what's happening to you. Make a stand, stop doing everything for him and stick to it.

Also, you can't criticise him for
not getting involved in high teas and candle making etc. Those things were entirely your choice. Maybe you should all concentrate on getting a good share with the basics before adding in unnecessary extras that just create work.

Then stopping doing this stuff.

Don't order take away, don't get the cutlery out or just sort your own.

You are letting him treat you like a doormat.

Only do your own washing, he's left stuff wet in the washing mine plonk it a bucket or bowl and leave it (rescue your own stuff). Don't do all the stuff with DSS unless you enjoy it and want to.

Put your feet up, watch TV or read a book.

If he cooks for everyone then you clear up afterwards, sure!

He earns more but erm he costs more as he has a child to support so that argument is null and void too.

He's lazy and I wouldn't be surprised if that is why he split with his ex regardless of what he says!

So you don't have any children together and he wants you to do virtually everything in the house for him and his son? OK so he earns marginally more but then he has a child there so he should contribute more anyway.

What are you getting out of the relationship? It sounds as though you have a lovely relationship with your step son and do more with him than his own father does.