To wonder where it will end with my son?

[LockDownShowDown]

God I don’t even know where to start so I’ll be brief and basic. (But know I’m leaving tons of details out).

He was arrested when he was 17 for assault and criminal damage (to our house). Released without charge.

He was arrested again when he was 18 for affray. Another violent crime against someone else. His victim could’ve died. Victim never came forward. He was released without charge after CPS said there was no evidence of injuries sustained without a victim coming forward. Sargent made it very clear he was releasing him against his own better judgement and wishes and if he had his way, he would be going to jail.

Since then he started doing ok, got a job, got his own flat, stayed out of trouble ... I’ve just found out he was arrested again last night for domestic assault. Surely to god this cannot go on?? How many times are they going to give him a little telling off and send him on his way?? What if he kills someone? He’s 19 now. Still sat in cells as far as I’m aware.

Wow, what a shitty situation. What's his issue? Anger? Drugs? Abuse as a child?

Did he assault his girlfriend? I'd concentrate on getting her away from him.
I have no idea what your supposed to do about your son, but if there's a woman involved, plough your energy and cash if you have any in getting her away from him.

He’s no longer your responsibility and clearly hasn’t ‘rehabilitated!. His poor partner, I hope she doesn’t let him back into her life.

I’m really sorry for you, OP, I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. No matter what age, they never stop worrying you.

You poor soul - that’s very stressful and sad for you, and the other victims.
Hopefully this time it will stick, he may learn he cannot always get away with it.
No advice, just 💐

Domestic assault, take it that means against a partner? Sounds like he has major anger issues. Does he take drugs? Seems to be out of control. Needs professional support.

What’s his story, OP? I bet he didn’t just suddenly become violent at 17.

It’s a massively shitty situation. I don’t want to give too many details out but I’m in touch with the girlfriend who sent me a message apologising for getting him arrested again 😫 obviously I’ve told her she has nothing to apologise for. I’ve had him arrested myself in the past. I’m trying to offer her support but she’s seemingly not wanting me too involved. I haven’t spoken to him yet. It’s not the first time he’s hurt her. I have no idea what his issues are, I’m guessing anger. Undiagnosed MH/learning difficulties. He was meant to be going for autism assessment but didn’t go through with it.

I have no idea what his issues are, I’m guessing anger. Undiagnosed MH/learning difficulties. He was meant to be going for autism assessment but didn’t go through with it

And what about when he was younger?

Send that poor young woman the Womansaid number. [https://www.womensaid.org.uk/]

He’s been difficult since he was a toddler. Constant meltdowns and outbursts. I’m talking to her now via text

There is absolutely no excuse for violence. I hope his partner leaves him. You could also pass on the Freedom Program details.

He sounds as though there have been “undiagnosed” issues for a long time. What about school? Any issues there?

but she’s seemingly not wanting me too involved

That's understandable.

I totally agree there is no excuse. The partner is now safe with her mum thankfully and I’ve told her to call me (or have her mum call me) if they need anything. I’ve also made her promise to call the police if he turns up there.

There are so many incidents from school I couldn’t possibly go into it all. Think tables being thrown across classrooms, fights, threats ... at the moment I just want to know what will happen next. Surely they won’t just shrug it off AGAIN?

@LockDownShowDown Hi - my 22 yr old is currently on remand for an explosives and weapons charge - luckily no one hurt - he has unresolved MH issues and past drug issues (he is now clean) - I will always support him but feel he has to engage and help himself now - it’s been really tough - I feel your pain - I have 2 other kids who are 100% ok - his shitty relationship with his Father has played a massive part and a lack of a positive male role model.

Support but don’t enable - he’s obviously got unresolved anger issues that will be exacerbated by the current crisis - PM me if you want xx

It doesn't sound like they have just shrugged it off in the past. They can only prosecute if the evidence is there. If it isn't he will get away with it again, until the next time unfortunately. All you can do is support the girlfriend and hope for the best.

@ MadameTuffington exactly the same issue here. Crap father, lots of hurt, drug use ... I’ll PM you

There is evidence this time. She has sent me photos.

There are so many incidents from school I couldn’t possibly go into it all. Think tables being thrown across classrooms, fights, threats

What happened to support him when he was a child?

... at the moment I just want to know what will happen next. Surely they won’t just shrug it off AGAIN?

“They”? Who do you mean?

She needs to press charges. Everytime he gets let off it will be confirming to him that he didn't really do anything wrong. He needs help with his mental health but it is really difficult if he wont engage with services. My brother has a diagnosis of ASD. He has severe mental health issues, I think bipolar disorder. He wont take any of the medication prescribed because he cant stand the side effects. He has aggressive outbursts but they are directed towards himself and inanimate objects - so he will throw things, break things, hit himself, rant and rave. He has a flat with his girlfriend (he had his own flat but it ended up trashed over a series of years when he lost his temper) and I feel so sorry for her being in lockdown with him. He hasn't ever been violent towards other people and has never hit her, but his mental health issues make him so difficult to live with. My mum goes to visit once a week and takes them food and other essentials, but more so to check on his girlfriend. I honestly do not know what she gets out of the relationship. She has been so good for him and is a lovely girl, but if she were my daughter I'd want her to run for the hills. Lockdown is making him antsy and paranoid. He conflated fact and fiction - he might go for a walk and see a police car but in his head, they are cautioning him for being outside and he starts to get wound up.
You asked where it will end for your son and I know that is something my mum asks herself every day. My fear for my brother is that he will blow up at the wrong person and be killed in violence, or he will take his own life. Your son is 8 years younger than my brother. Try and convince him to get help before he ends up in prison. He needs to let his girlfriend go though.

@whatser if the OP is in the UK, which I assume she is as usually stated if not, then we don't have a system of "pressing charges". That's American tv.
We report, police investigate and present to the CPS, CPS decides if there's enough evidence to proceed.

So the best thing the girlfriend can do is what she's done, called the police and moved to her Mums. I hope she stays there and doesn't continue with the relationship.
OP, it will be up to the CPS to decide if there's enough evidence to proceed with a case against your son. Domestics are notoriously hard to prove and some police can be less than bothered (although some are absolutely amazing and training more recently has been better).

Thanks @Candyflosscookie. I meant the girlfriend needs to agree to provide evidence so that the CPS can prosecute. I've no insider knowledge into the workings of the police force, only what my aunt went through with her violent partner - she never agreed to give evidence and so he was never prosecuted. Admittedly, this was in the 90's.