Aibu to think family harmony is a fantasy 😢

[staceyflack]

Aibu to think its very difficult, if not impossible to keep kids and partner happy at the same time? And is it harder if your partner is not your children's dad? We can't even choose a fkg film together without aggro. Kids are 12 & nearly 15. Been with partner for 5 years. He's a good guy and they're good kids, but it seems to be getting harder, now they have opinions! I have a 50 /50 arrangement with their dad. Any advice gratefully received... 🤔 Yes, I'm being unreasonable - lower my expectations. No - keep trying / here's how to do it. 🙂

You’re doing great.. you’ve got a tough crowd there so don’t beat yourself up 💕

The time to assess this is not lockdown

Keep a list of the flash points. For recurring ones, work out a solution. Can’t agree on a film? Alternate choices. Just between the kids - you only have them 50%, so take their choices. If that still means someone doesn’t like a film, get the chooser you always suggest 3, but the other person gets final say. If you have different choices - don’t force a shared film on anyone! If you want to be “together” Silent disco it - same room, watch “together” - devices and headphones.

Yeah it gets harder as they get older! My husband is not the bio dad to my two eldest. Was a lot easier when they were little! Dynamics change as the kids become older!

Lower your expectations, I think. There are going to be a few years now when you are not going to want to watch the same films. There may be the odd moment of accidental synchronicity where you all happen to watch something together but if you draw attention to it, the 14 year old will run out of the room feeling like a failure to adolescence.

@Ellisandra the 50% was totally against my wishes. There dad is very modern I suppose - which I guess is good for them. So I always overcompensate when they are home, which adds to the pressure of course. One week its just me and partner and the next it's the 4 of us. I am always so happy to see them... and the adjustment often seems to go tits up.

One week on/one week off is really hard. Just enough time to get into a routine either with or without them, and then you all have to adjust again. Tough ages as well. Sounds like you have some tough years ahead, but if everyone is determined to make it happen, you will make it happen. When my DSC were 14/15/16, I came close to giving everything up at least once a week, but with lots of give and take we have finally come out the other side, about 7 years later.