To think even 'normal' families are struggling

[PierceHawthornesSexDungeon]

I say 'normal' with tongue firmly in cheek but I'm referring to families where there is no element of step relationship following parental split.

Lockdown is tough on everyone I'm sure but I do worry that my DC and my DH are struggling as my children aren't his and lockdown is highlighting issues/tensions that we aren't usually aware of.

We've all lived together for a good few years now and usually rub along fine. We're shielding due to me and one DC having serious health conditions so my DH hasn't had his own DC round since we went on full lockdown. Before I get flamed for this, it was agreed by DH and his ex as the best option for all and his ex is happier the children are with her full time at the moment. But of course my DH is missing his DC horribly despite speaking to them every day.

My own DC do not see their dad at the moment as a result of alcoholism and a court order.

Normally we never fall out as a family. Me and DH rarely argue and he supports me and the children in every possible way, doing the majority of the housework and cooking. But my DC are taking things he says the wrong way and he is finding them a bit more trying than he would usually, just down to the fact we are all at home all day every day and there's no break apart from if we take ourselves off to be alone for a bit ie he might go and watch tv in our room for an hour or I'll have a long bath.

I suppose I just imagine families without any step aspect are getting along great and this concerns me for our future. But then again we've never been in such intense proximity before and with added stresses of trying to WFH, homeschool, worry about catching covid and missing the DSC.

So AIBU to think all families are feeling the tension or is ours down to the family dynamic?

I've NC for this due to outing stuff

Someone from our church today described us as "the model family" - I would have laughed in her face had it not contravened social distancing laws.

On the surface we are the archetypal Christian family, father, mother, older boy, younger girl, middle class, relatively well off, reasonable sized (terraced house) with a nice sized garden, well educated, kids play musical instruments, blah blah blah blah, you get the picture.

We are doing loads of "fun" stuff and the kids are cracking on well with home schooling and I just HATE it. I want some time to myself. I love the kids, I love DH, I just don't want to be with them 24/7. I'm bored, worried about losing my job, stressed about DS who has some mental stuff going on that I can't even face dealing with at the moment, and tired of trying to pretend everything is OK. It's not, it's shite.

Don't stress it OP, everyone is finding it hard, regardless of how they appear on the outside.

Everyone is different.

We’re not doing too badly. We’ve got two adult sons still living at home, one is still going out to work while the other is doing his PGCE so is now studying from home with online tutorials. He seems to be the one who’s struggling the most with being stuck at home with us all, but then he appears to be at the stage now where he’s outgrown living with us anyway and pretty much everything we do gets on his nerves, even before lockdown.
I do feel sorry for them both though as they’re both in long term relationships and can’t see their girlfriends.

We're abnormal - me, DP, my DS (16) and our DS (1) and, yes, we're feeling a bit of stress. We usually get on fine but now my DS is annoying DP much more than usual and DP is more snappy.

Not helped by the fact that I'm at work all week and the other 3 are stuck in a small flat. 16yo has no direction as he's year 11 and isn't doing any school work, except a bit of revision of his chosen a level subjects so just mooching about or gaming when he finally drags himself out of bed.

The toddler wants to be outside all the time and obviously doesn't understand why he can't be, so he's being more trying than usual.

Me and DP seem to be bickering a lot which we don't usually do.

I think it's ok to be finding things tougher than usual.

We’re a ‘normal ‘family and having a great time. There are arguments at times but that’s not exclusive to lockdown.

Struggling so so much. I’m only with my “dp” because it financially makes sense and he was away with work fairly often before so barely saw him. Now we’re locked in a small flat with no garden with 4 year old daughter in this weather and I’m at tipping point. It’s so difficult I’m barely eating or keeping it together we’re rowing all the time it’s horrible I think everyone is feeling it. Don’t know how much longer I can continue on for

We're not a normal family, and I think are doing fine precisely because we're not.
Dh and I are getting divorced, amicable/affair, and selling house, but hadn't finished the process.
So, there's no stress in our house because we've already decided to divorce. If he talks and I find him irritating, I just leave the room; there's no 'pressure'.

31weeksgone that sounds hellish. Is there no possible way out of this situation, could your partner move out for a while or you and your daughter go and stay with family or friends for a few weeks?

We are a couple with no children by choice. We are doing well. We get along great. I am really happy to have DH home all the time as he still works (I don't) and some weeks it can be 6 days a week. He is also loving being home with me and not driving here there and everywhere.

We have decorated our spare bedroom and made a start on our room and the landing, stairs and hallway. We have also done quite a bit of sorting cupboards and drawers and lots of gardening.

We are watching all the dvd's we haven't had time in the past to watch plus the stuff we have recorded (some of it from last year). Also managing to work our way through our big piles of unread books.

We are both doing an Open University online course together. Also doing lots of cooking together.

We are enjoying it so much that when some sort of normality returns DH is going to work part time (he is self employed so can) or even give up totally. We will only have my pension to manage on but we should be able to get by.

He is not even going to think of resuming work until July at the earliest whatever happens

We have a house full!

DH & me

My ds (25) and his GF (24) staying with us awaiting (on hold ) new build

DD (19) home from uni

Dss (12) 3 nights a week

Me, ds and his GF are all full time working NHS.

We are getting along fab and I am surprised but pleased, could all handle this for a while yet except DD who is missing uni life a lot . I'm avoiding any contact with dss which helps

If I was home all the time I'd probably have jumped out a window though!

We are doing okay. We are normalish. DH, 3DCs plus 1 DD's fiance plus me. So six adults in the same house. The house feels very full and busy. Three of the six are key workers in supermarkets, starting in the early hours of the morning. Eldest DC is also a key worker but working conventional hours. I am WFH.

Fortunately DH and I are still able to get to our allotment which gives us a lot of normality.

We are doing fine here but I am very aware how incredibly lucky we are. My children are older and quite self sufficient, my job is protected and my husband works from home quite easily. We live amongst open countryside. We have a reasonably sized house with a garden, where we can spread out. This is not a boast, just an acknowledgement of how lucky we are and how much easier we must be finding it than others. For a lot of people this is not the case. I think the metaphor - we are all in the same storm but not in the same boat is perfect to describe how different people’s circumstances are. For those impacted by poverty or in abusive relationships or facing financial uncertainty, those with small children or ill health, my heart goes out to you.

There are 2 of us and we’re happily married. We have 2 adult DC back at home, dh is WFH and has a job, we have a big house, a garden, plenty of money, and plenty of food and drink. The countryside is outside our door. We also have a home gym, a treadmill, hair clippers, a large well stocked freezer, multiple streaming services, plenty of bedrooms and bathrooms. We speak to friends and family often.

But we’re still struggling a bit. We’re not used to all living together, the DC are missing their girlfriends, I miss solitude and we all miss freedom and life as we knew it. So I think it’s understandable you’re feeling this OP.

Doing well here but mostly because DS now has no gcse stress and wasn’t that sociable,
I love the sun, it’s been very sunny.
I’m being paid and not asked to do anything ( big concern I might be let go but have had 4 wee to look for jobs).
DH is freelance and getting 80% of last year ( which was a good year). Which is actually better because being freelance means a normal year is unpredictable.

We're a nuclear family and struggling a bit, even though objectively we don't have it that bad. I'm still working full time but entirely from home, which I hate, and trying to motivate a team of 20 people, some of whom are finding it really hard. DH is furloughed, DD (9) is home schooling. I feel totally despairing some of the time, to the point where if I were single and childless I might just throw myself off a bridge. DH is mostly OK but snappier than usual with DD, understandably because she's responded by regressing and being very whiney. She misses her friends and Zoom is just not the same.

Not much changed for us. Went through some tension half way through but I think that's normal. We're doing ok.

We are your 'normal' and if I'm honest it's not a struggle. We have one adult DC (aged 24) who lives five minutes away but we have a year 9 and 11 at home. I don't work outside the home and DH is furloughed but we have a huge outdoor space and he's been cracking on with all those jobs he never gets round to. The DC are fairly independent and we all have our own space. One DC has severe asthma and the other asthma and CHD so they haven't left home for six weeks now. They are old enough to know the consequences of CV and understand the need to protect them. I definitely think the space, plenty of supplies and not having financial worries helps.

I couldn't cope in a "normal" family with lockdown.

Xh and I share the dc half the week each and I think I'd have lost the plot by now as a single mum with them 24/7.

As it is, I can stay nice and calm as I know there's only ever another couple of days till peace descends again (though I have to work, but as we all know that can be a hell of a lot easier than parenting)

to single parents who don't get time to themselves

I think everyone is struggling. We're an abnormal family: two DDs with MH issues caused by their dad, one of them with autism. Single parent family with me WFH. Fostering a third teen whose mother has MH issues and can't cope. We struggle.

But we cope, we make allowances, we all love each other and we get by.

Routine is key. Factor in some me time for everyone. Just think it could be worst we could be in a war having our houses boomed and living on rations. Stay safe.

Finding it hard here. Nuclear family, 2 young DC. Suddenly as well as work we are now juggling childcare and homeschooling.

I'm normally very laid back, but at the moment I'm irritable. there feels like no escape at the moment and I say that as a Key worker still leaving the house for work!

My house is a tip - I cannot keep on top of it all and supervise the kids...

There are benefits though- Its shown both my kids were struggling with me working 3 long days. They gave learned to entertain themselves more. It's still hard though.

To be honest DH and I are doing more than ok, usually we don't see much of each other, although DH is 71 he still works as a charity shop manager and works on Saturday and I work Monday to Friday so Sunday was the only day we saw each other and TBH we both used to doze off on the sofa during the evening

Due to his age DH is self isolating so I am doing the shopping but that's only twice a week, we have been binge watching, star trek, criminal minds, death in paradise and Hawaii 5.0 and have been enjoying ourselves, we are both being paid so have no financial worries so we are luckier than most, am worried about my 89 year old dad and miss my DS and his family but all in all its been fine

Thank you for your replies. My heart goes out to anyone struggling and especially single mums. Been there and it's bloody rough. I do appreciate the time at home with my family. In some ways I'm the lucky one. I'm surrounded by those I love and the lack of school run and office stress is bliss. It's just everyone else in the house I worry about.
To PP who suggested a walk every day for me and DH, we do this already and I will really miss it when normality returns.
For those who have no family tensions, thanks for giving a balanced view

We are fine but would imagine it depends on your circumstances / personality. All of us are home plus 3 silkie chickens, indoor rabbit and cat and it's lovely spending time together. I've go health issues so used to not going out much, for me it adds company. Kids have got the pets and school work and each other and DH has his work, piano and lots of time with cat, he's been doing lots of baking. We are all getting on fine but lucky we are rural with a cottage, garden and supermarket on our street. Everyone is looking out for one another. One child is ASD so doesn't like going out anyway.