AIBU to think that’s really not actually an option for most people? This week has been really difficult for me. I’ve muddled through pretty well. Kept a decent routine, I’ve been getting outdoors, getting exercise, chatting to friends, eating, keeping on top of housework. I was doing quite well at keeping on top of negative thoughts.
I had plans today for a work out, a nice walk in the sunshine, good food, board games with DS, bathing puppy, pampering myself a bit. From the minute I woke up I just didn’t want to get out of bed, I haven’t felt as bad as that in such a long time 😕. I called my long term boyfriend and tried to explain that I was having a really bad day - he laughed and joked that maybe he would just speak to me tomorrow instead. He had some plans and wanted to get ready for them so he told me he would call me back. Three hours later, no call back so I tried to call him. No answer. Another few hours, tried again. No answer.
I just feel so bloody stupid. I didn’t want to chat for hours or get all deep or anything. I just wanted to talk to someone who cares about me so I could feel a little less alone. I’m not the kind of person to do stuff like this regularly or anything. I’ve spent the majority of the day in tears, it’s a glorious day outside and I can’t even bring myself to go for a walk. I’ve not brushed my teeth or washed, I’ve barely eaten and spent most of the day in tears. I just feel so incredibly down and like a total burden for feeling this way.
I don’t have much family and most of my friends are very much in the ‘stay away from negative people’ camp so I don’t really have anyone to talk to. All of the advice out there says to talk to people close to you if you feel like this but really it just feels like everyone is so caught up in their own lives that they can’t really be bothered. I’m not saying that they are wrong but it’s such an incredibly lonely place to be. I haven’t felt as bad as I do today in such a long, long time. To have tried to reach out and just basically be ignored makes me feel so small.
Not really looking for advice, I guess I just don’t have anyone else to talk to. I’m going to do some housework, have a shower, go for a walk and maybe make something nice for dinner. Or maybe some junk food! Better late than never I guess.
Ps. I did manage to bath the puppy 🐶