For a bit of background, I am pretty sure my dad is narcissistic. he hates me for going to uni and getting a degree, always mocks it ("we dont need any of your psychological bullshit"), berates me for eating outside of meal times (Im size 8, but even if i wasnt i dont get why he needs to comment), comments with disgust if we talk about periods or anything like that, says that I am not the clever one in the family. You get the gist.
I am at my parents home because I had to come back from University because of the pandemic. I suffer from PTSD and have had a really bad week with flashbacks and basically really bad paranoia. Today has been better and after 2 weeks I finally managed to get in contact with my friends. We arranged a little quiz and games thing.
I was in my room doing it and my dad bursts in like “you cant do that, you need earphones in, it’s too late”. My dad doesn’t work. He doesn’t go to bed early, and sits in the living room until the early hours watching TV and drinking. I know it’s his house, but I just thought that because I’d been so low, haven’t seen my friends in 5 weeks, and I’m studying for my final exam (which I do 8.30am - 8pm in silence in my room), that he would allow me 2 hours being happy with my friends.
My friends heard and I felt so embarrassed I had to leave the online skyping session. Now I am crying in my room. I only have unhealthy coping strategies on my own. I will probably now have to take a sleeping tablet to get to sleep which will make me groggy tomorrow.
I could understand if it was a worknight or even just a normal weekend and I could go out to see them. When I was with my ex-boyfriend I used to walk around the streets for hours chatting to him because my parents said it was unfair to hear, and I agreed and made an effort to be out. But now, as an adult, I just feel like I’ve been humiliated and made to feel like a child. I told them in advance I was doing it.
I feel like I am going to get slated, as it’s there house.