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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another neighbour one... Sorry!

20 replies

Emotionalfuckwit · 23/04/2020 18:22

Long story short, we've lived in our semi detached for 12 years. Only started having problems once we had kids and the woman next door started complaining about the noise. She would blast out smooth radio ever Sunday evening and occasionally at other times if she felt we were being too noisy. This has led to massive amounts of anxiety for me as I try and control the amount of noise made by our household - which isn't a lot. I feel on edge all the time constantly telling people to be quiet. I've also stopped socialising at home.

She has been blasting out the radio again today and I feel that I can't do it anymore. Would I be unreasonable to suggest to DH that we add some money to our mortgage and get sound proofing so I can relax in my home again. Has anyone had it done and was it worthwhile?

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TheReluctantCountess · 23/04/2020 19:21

What sort of noise is your family making?

chickedeee · 23/04/2020 19:29

Have you spoken with her?

Perhaps ask what the issue is for her and see if you can find a compromise?

Often in these situations there is wrong and right on both sides. ☹️

catwithnohat · 23/04/2020 19:29

We have and it hasn't really - the noise seems to come through the floor joists. We did it on the cheap though, maybe with some professional advice (not just t'internet) and a bit bigger a budget it might have worked better.

It's equally debatable if "proper" soundproofing could have blocked out the amateur thrash rock band though Sad

Veganella · 23/04/2020 19:30

I would probably just move to be honest

Quizacabusi · 23/04/2020 19:30

What type of noise are you making and what times of day?

Original poster
Emotionalfuckwit · 23/04/2020 20:29

Just normal daily kids laughing or playing. I'm always ultra careful that they don't shout or scream. We are out a lot of the time as it makes it easy for me to manage my anxiety and both boys go up to bed about 6.30. Our house is silent by 7.30 which is testament to our rock and roll lifestyle Blush

The neighbour is alcohol dependent and aggressive. I think she has cut down on the booze as there used to be full boxes of empty vodka bottles but now far fewer. My husband has tried knocking on her door but she won't answer Confused

Interesting to hear those that have tried and it hasn't really worked. I would d move in heartbeat if we could. DH isn't bothered by it and doesn't want to uproot the family hence the soundproofing thought.

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Veganella · 23/04/2020 21:50

The thing is, are you sure she’d stop if you spent the money on soundproofing? Or is she just a pain in the ass aggressive neighbour who does things unprovoked? For me it really wouldn’t be worth it. I see what your DH is saying but I wouldn’t be able to really relax.

squirrelsbizaar · 23/04/2020 21:58

How do you know she's blasting smooth FM in response to the noise, is there an identified trigger - kids being particularly boisterous.
Maybe she just likes a bit of music every now and then and you are being a little paranoid?

Original poster
Emotionalfuckwit · 24/04/2020 17:45

Well interestingly we have been working today (keyworker) so the house has been empty until I picked the kids up. We came home and straight into the garden (we have 2 one at the back that borders her and a side garden which is the other side of our big garage and we were in the side one as its sunny there). I went out to speak with another neighbour who had dropped us some shopping over and i then noticed her playing music, not as loud as before so maybe it's not us as a trigger it's just her. My other neighbour said she has left an arsey not in his work van too so she hates everyone.

Maybe I am paranoid and as DH says I need to speak to a Dr about meds 😕

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Suchawitch · 24/04/2020 19:17

Wow! Your husband isn't very supportive is he?

If your neighbour is an alcoholic you won't be able to appease her. So don't even bother trying any more. Just make normal family noise and ignore her. If her music is unreasonably loud of an evening try not to have children's programmes loud on the TV the next morning while she is trying to sleep.

Original poster
Emotionalfuckwit · 24/04/2020 20:41

To be honest he's been a massive dick recently but that's another story for another day. Thankfully it's usually quiet by 6pm and we've only once had to complain to the council once about it being late and loud and that was 18 months ago. Fingers crossed for a lottery win tonight so I can buy a big house somewhere in the middle of nowhere Grin

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Coastercat · 24/04/2020 21:05

We were in this situation. My sympathies. It is truly horrible. I couldn’t ever relax in my own home. It felt oppressive continually. We moved and it was SUCH a good move.

Original poster
Emotionalfuckwit · 24/04/2020 21:11

@coastercat I can only dream of moving... Or her fucking off!! Grin

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Brigante9 · 24/04/2020 21:16

We moved due to neighbours playing music, but it was 7pm to 7am every night for a year. Cunts. Served us well, we got a much better house than we’d planned for much sooner. Honestly, if your Dh isn’t supportive, I’d be concerned or maybe he thinks you’re over anxious and it’s not a big deal.

Original poster
Emotionalfuckwit · 24/04/2020 21:23

He thinks the latter and it doesn't bother him that much. He feels my anxiety is something I need to deal with but he has a tendency to be unsympathetic when suggesting these things so he is currently in the dog house as I didn't appreciate the way he spoke to me. I guess the stress of lockdown is getting to us all

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lovelilies · 24/04/2020 21:25

She sounds a bit like my NDN, if we play basketball on the drive (rarely and only for max 10 minutes) she's there with the kitchen door propped open and radio on full blast.
We just laugh about it, she's obviously bonkers (won't park on her drive, leaves notes for anyone parking within 5m of her driveway, calls me a psycho bitch from inside her kitchen, never to my face!). Just carry on with your lives and let her do her thing.

Nottherealslimshady · 24/04/2020 21:33

Just learn to enjoy the music, sing along if theres lyrics or make up your own 🤣 you cant control other peoples actions so just learn to adapt your own. Dont try to prevent her playing music, dont try to keep your family quiet to appease her, just live and let live. She might not be doing it at you just because she wants to listen to music.

Samtsirch · 24/04/2020 21:42

You said he is a massive dick
and he has a tendency to be unsympathetic.

nicky7654 · 24/04/2020 21:46

My neighbours music makes my house vibrate it's so loud. Plus constant slamming of doors which also vibrate my house (50 times a day minimum) If she is purposely playing her music loud to annoy you then do it back but louder and put it on really early in morning! As you can tell I am pissed withy neighbour lol

Original poster
Emotionalfuckwit · 25/04/2020 10:30

I can see you are very pissed off Grin I know I don't have it as bad as many and lock down is probably heightening it for me.

@Nottherealslimshady it's hard to enjoy smooth radio Grin but I get your point 😊 I'm trying to stay rational as when I think about it she's been doing it since we moved in and we didn't have kids then and she hadn't made noise complaints about us 🙄

Thanks for the sympathies and head wobble ladiesSmile

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