I've NC because I'm embarrassed.
My DP and I get on amazingly until we argue, which is very rare. But when we do over something ridiculously petty, he will sulk for days, and I am left feeling so angry and misunderstood. We are both stubborn, him more than me. I will always concede and make an effort to maintain the peace. He doesn't care about maintaining peace just wants a full apology from me admitting complete fault. Realistically we are both in the wrong at some point during the conversation. I will admit my error, but believe his is often bigger than mine because he takes the arguing a stage further than me. Because I admit my error, my DP doesn't admit his and believes he is innocent. He wont even hear me out, and twists all my suggestions to shoot them back in my face.
I am not upset about the reason for the argument but more the way its dealt with. This is the argument we had today. This is a conversation about me doing overtime when WFH. I know I have to tell work about the over hours, because they set me too much work for my hours but I also don't know what to say to them as they get funny having to pay me overtime. DP knows this.
me: light hearted I have done lots of overtime with work this week i'm not sure what hours to log
DP: in an aggressive way well tell them then!
me: disliking the aggression, feeling disrespected stop staying stupidly obvious comments like that
DP: Don't you dare call me stupid I'm not talking to you anymore
After 2h of ignoring me I suggested we have a talk face to face about how we can argue better. DP ignores this at first but I persist. If I don't now, the sulking will last for days. DP agrees to have a conversation but wont sit with me and face me . He keeps working and staring at his computer while having a conversation with me which goes.
me: I think we both need to work on our behaviour. If one of us bites and gets triggered the other should try and remain calm and talk through what the problem is. We cant communicate through aggression. It's both our responsibility to make sure we don't get aggressive and argue but if someone does get upset, it helps if the other doesn't' act with aggression.
DP: your're always trying to pass the blame if you know its your fault then apologize to me. You were the one to blame you called me stupid. Stop trying to make me believe that we are both to blame. (just a lot of this)
He refused to sit with me when I asked, he started listing everything I do wrong and how I can never admit it. I told him I admitted my fault in biting back and calling his comment stupid but told him I felt very disrespected in that moment. I tried (amoungst his refusal to listen) if he could now can he admit his fault in the argument in making me feel small and starting off the aggression and he refused saying I was responsible for him getting angry. I started to ball my eyes out at this point because he was saying such horrible things. He told me my crying was manipulative and I just use it to get what I want. I begged him to hear me out and he refused saying my tears were convenient. I am now sitting typing this so upset, angry that I can't communicate my side of the story. I so desperately want us to have a healthy relationship but feel it is impossible without a new approach.
I need to have another conversation to try and improve the way we argue and would appreciate recommendations. I'm not perfect but I am also not looking for anyones opinion or insults, there too much kicking people why they're down on here. I am looking for solutions on how we can argue in a more healthy way in the future.