Does an arrogant, horrible and untrusting micromanager boss know they are so?

[anon12185]

I nc for this although I will almost certainly out myself with details but meh.

Like most of the world right now, I am working from home. My team leader is extremely picky. He tracks changes and red pens everything as standard, I have to send him draft emails which he always pulls apart. I have worked under him for just over 2 years and he started as manager a month before I started.

Since the working from home he has become unbearable. We now have a 1:1 every week (it was every 3) but have to create and fill in ridiculous databases about our work. So it takes me 1/5 of my actual working hours to complete these databases detailing every single action (e.g. if I want to send an email I need to fill a whole form about it, what I will say, how I will action a response, huh I might not even get a response - then on top I have to send him the draft and I'm not joking when I say I have never ever written anything that didn't need changing).

Then we go through this database it in a zoom meeting.

Every week since lockdown he has 'perfected' the format which means adding more ludicrous elements. I had the meeting this week and requested unpaid leave. I just can't stand it - I'm working a full day then logging back on for an hour or two just to get on top of the tasks. But even though he agreed to the leave I know really I can't afford the time off (work wise, I don't want my colleagues to get even more grief).

It feels such a huge waste of resources and time and there is not a shortage of work for us (maybe for the manager) I'm filling in forms to justify when and how I will do my work (that I cannot do because of the time filling forms) and I know many in my team feel the same. One has just today gone sick, another is so ill, all of us would leave if we could.

Sorry for the rant. Any ideas what to do? Anyone else in the same position?

I’m in architecture too (one of the AJ top five) and this is definitely not common practice. We have seminars with our insurers each year on how to respond etc but would only check on an email wording if it was very contentious.

I know partners at our practice are feeling the pinch to get fees in, could he be tracking work to then invoice for that stage? It’s not an excuse to be doing what he’s doing but could be a reason why he’s being so militant.

His database could be your saving.

Can you add a comment of your own? If so add a time breakdown. X hours worked: Y hours doing the work; Z hours supplying him with the copies, emails,waiting time for email replies etc.

And BCC his line manager...

I had one like this years ago. He insisted that every configuration file I created was sent to him for approval, before I submitted the file for upload.
Eventually I wrote (Over a week on holiday) a 5000 line long config file and drafted an email for each line.
Got back to work and synced my email! 5000 urgent emails in his inbox and HIS manager screaming for this file, as it was important to a customer.
He called me in for a bollocking but I just handed him my notice and told him I would take my unused holiday rather than being paid. Went home and used the 4 weeks holiday to set up interviews for a new job.

As Mlou32 said upthread, I would detail the amount of time taken to complete the datatbase in the database and hope he would see from that just how much time he was having wasted.

Just reading your posts made me feel claustrophobic, I don't think I could work like that.

I had written a long detailed response then deleted it.
You know, life is just too short to expend your mental and physical energies to help this tosser achieve HIS objectives and earn HIS bonuses. Do you really see yourself working for him for the next few years? If not, work on your exit plan.

My manager is as described in some ways. But additionally never reads emails or takes in detail so he micro manages after the fact usually by a good three days. He wants changes to work that's already been done and Submitted to systems that it's hard to make changes to after it's been saved. . And usually his suggested changes are pointless. His priorities are all wrong and in times of crisis he just goes quiet and other managers step in to help as needed. Everything he asks for is urgent -to him-but it's not possible to do on the ground there and then -and never once has it been necessary.
Im a care home manager. My priorities during this time have been to feed the service users, keep them well, keep the staff well, keep the staff sane, get PPE, cover the rota and repeat... oddly enough I haven't had time to compete a 30 page internal service audit that no one will read but him.

I've actually cried this morning because of him. Usually I can brush it off but he's too much on top of everything else. I think I am going to speak to his manager about it-my colleague-manager at another service feels the same-it just can't go on.

I am sometimes conflicted when I hear about micro-management. I know that some managers go way over the top, and I sympathise because it does appear that that is what you are describing. But equally, I've heard many a case of complaints of micro-management from staff who need micro-managing (and occasionally have had some staff like that although in each of those cases the "micro-management" was actually performance management potentially leading to dismissal).

I think, however, that in either case, there really is only one answer - live with it until you can find another job. If this has already gone on for two years, then it is highly unlikely they are going to change their ways; and telling them to mend them, no matter how diplomatically that is done, may very well make things worse. If they wanted your opinion on their management style, they would have asked!

Probably not what you want to hear, but probably the best approach is to bide your time and leave.

I’m with @Disquieted1 your wellbeing is too precious for this shit. For what it’s worth I don’t think he’s necessarily got low self-esteem - my micromanaging ex-boss was a full blown narcissist. Take a few days off to get your head together. Return to work only if you absolutely need the money and keep your head down until you find a new job. Do not talk to his manager - because if he doesn’t realise what’s going on, then he’s a shit boss too. Good luck!

The database sounds excruciating. I think you should take a leaf out of @Penners99’s book, hoist him by his own petard somehow.

Sorry you are having to deal with this petty twat.

I think this is a form of bullying and I would raise a grievance with HR. Build a dossier of examples of unnecessary and onerous requests and start recording how long it takes you, on top of your normal workload, to fulfil his requests. If you can find any colleagues who would like to join forces in your grievance that will have more clout and make it more difficult for the company to ignore.

He's a control freak, to the extreme. We had a Manager of another dept do this. His team had to complete a spreadsheet documenting their tasks every 15mins. One of the managers had noticed & had a quiet word about trusting a highly experienced team who had been in their industry years and pointed out that all the other managers just have weekly one to one's : the guy totally backed down. Can you flag it to someone senior? Some control freaks react badly to less senior people suggesting their work style is alienating & OTT in my experience. They tend to take it better from someone they perceive as similar or higher. level.

I had a boss who would micromanage in bursts.

She either had no clue about my priorities or workload or would quite literally stand over me while I was doing a task, demand to see internal emails before they were sent, etc

She was utterly delusional about her management skills. She thought she was a 'cool boss' who only stepped in when needed. But from my perspective either getting no support and communication or being micromanaged were utterly demoralising.

It was her first people management position and it showed. I was older and more experienced and a lot of her behaviour was down to her insecurities about that.

I left. She was thin skinned, took criticism badly and wasn't going to change.

I've just left a job with a micromanager.

It was similar - insisting on being in all of my calls, talking over me, taking all of my talking points then setting up additional meetings to discuss why I hadn't spoken in the previous call. Wanting to be ccd into everything and then butting in. Having to send drafts of emails before sending to be picked apart - once being told I 'wrote too concisely and needed to be more flowery and elaborate' (true story!). Having to spend an entire morning a week preparing for a weekly catch up that had to be in specific formats with different tracking documents filled in etc.

They don't change and they won't see sense. I am experienced professional who has worked on executive teams below company CEO and I was having my emails corrected before sending. I felt picked on and humiliated constantly and so I left after 6 months for a job where I have a hands-off but supportive manager, complete autonomy, great working partnerships and they are now unable to replace me due to corona...

@SandyY2K - thank you for the advice. I should raise it in my 1:1 I know - I regret not speaking up about something that was especially demoralising. My colleagues in another team have mentioned it.

@Mlou32 - I know I should find a way to add time spent to the database but he is really not bothered about time. If I added it he would just say time management is our own responsibility.

@Isleepinahedgefund - YES! I feel for you. My manager is the type to make 10 steps into 200. Oh please don't let him see this.

@Queenoftheashes - I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I know really I need to leave, but I love the job and people and I have already been promoted. But this guy is not going to change.

@BillywilliamV - I'm sorry to hear that! :( I'm reluctant to confront him really because I know I have it easy compared to some in my team that he trusts even less

@JudyCoolibar - thank you. I like the idea :)

@Downunderduchess - that's the best idea! I know really that every time I worry or fret or grumble I am just wasting energy on this. And usually I can handle it well, but at the moment, working from home, leaving my children to it with their school books to fill in databases about my work instead of doing the actual work is really getting to me

@notquiteruralbliss - Ah I'm really sorry you had that experience. I hope your next manager is lovely.

@Namechangerextraordinaire22 - thank you. He is new to being a manager, he started in the role just before me and has risen really fast through the ranks, he's still very young (under 30). We don't have any such feedback option. He wouldn't respond to feedback I don't think, no one knows anything better than him

@TorkTorkBam - thanks for the suggestions. I will think about them. We do have a professional body and I know my former colleague used to challenge him in respect of this, but I never have. It's just that I wouldn't want him to hate me like he seems to hate others. But getting together with colleagues to sort it is probably the best way

@SandyY2K - ahh that all sounds awful. I'm not sure how this will go. I can't see us being in the same position for another 3 years but if his manager cared what was happening I can't see him standing for it. He is delusional too.

@Incrediblytired - thank you. Well I was with my previous company for 12 years and I know I'm hard working and competent. My manager even says that, he sings my praises, yet still has me email drafts to him for him to change. I think I will do that about printing the article and asking. I think he would respond well, if I phrased it like I was wanting to know why his decision was the best way, he would be happy to tell me. I don't think he would change. And I know he doesn't have a problem with my performance because he has had HR involved with other colleagues but not me and he has never mentioned a problem with my work.

@JudyCoolibar - thank you and yes, he is the same. He doesn't notice if I send an email and once the moment has gone it's gone.

@TrulyOutrageousJem - ahh really! Hi! He changes wording so minutely but he likes to give more detail (for example by adding things in brackets, like this (for clarity). But then other amends I can only feel are arrogant, for example - he has changed "in sympathy with..." to "is sympathetic to..."

I'm not joking. And I have friends in different companies and I know it's not normal. He has a reputation in the industry as well.

It could be to do with fees. Yes, quite likely. He works 20 hours + more than he should every week as well.

@CuriousaboutSamphire - thank you. I will think about how I can do this. However I don't think he is really bothered about time, I mean he is really bothered about us meeting deadlines for getting things to him but not about deadlines to clients or workload or anything like that.

@Penners99 - That sounds so stressful and annoying for you. Well done for doing that and I'm glad you got out of there!

@Iwalkinmyclothing - thank you, it is a good idea. I usually can handle it, I get paid to do as I'm told and if that is filling in a database so be it :) but sometimes it really is so disheartening and it spoils all the enjoyment of the job I love

@Disquieted1 thank you! You're 100% right. I have been promoted already under him and have some good experience, my friends that have left tell me I need to get out of the toxic environment and after things return to normal I will do that!

@MurrayTheMonk - ah that sound so hard. I'm so sorry for you. Please don't cry because of that idiot! He is totally not worth it. It's all because of his need to control and not about you. You are doing an absolutely amazing job! Massive respect for you

My manager doesn't always read them either. He will say "add a read receipt and copy me in" then I get a notification he has deleted it without opening

@Moondust001 - thank you for your balanced view and I don't mind hearing it. I know what you mean. I am not perfect, not as experienced or as smart or knowledgeable as him and I often do benefit from his guidance. I would like to think I know my limits and know when to approach my manager and his OTT scrutinising doesn't stop me approaching him when I want some input, but I have never ever written a single report without a bunch of changes nor an email or even a description in the database.

Today I wrote "with retention of the existing fabric..." and he changed it to "...(retaining the existing fabric)". I have 15 examples a day like this.

I know you're right though, I have to get on with it or leave.

@NameChange2PostThis - thank you very much. I think with my guy there's a mix of insecurity in that he's new in the role and probably feels the pressure, and pure arrogance. He thinks his time is worth more than ours, he only allows us use his previous work as examples, not anyone else's even if it's a better example for the case.

@Harakeke - thank you for the support :)

@SpeckledFrogsLog - thank you. I actually feel bad for him. He's not all bad, he has promoted me, he fought for a pay rise for me, he gives me compliments on my work (but really it's his work since he changes things). But there are two others in the team that he really seems to have it in for and along with the frustration about the onerous tasks I feel guilty for not standing up for them. So that might be the best way.

@CSIblonde - oh that sounds terrible! I do wonder why my manager doesn't have us do the log of our time but I think really he doesn't want it known how much time is wasted on ridiculous things he has set! I will have a think about who to approach. His manager doesn't seem to notice. There are people to the side though that are clearly very different!

@KitchenDancefloor - ahh that sounds awful. At least my manager would help me with anything I asked, nothing I am dealing with would be too small, probably because he likes to show off with his knowledge but meh

@Pukkatea - oh you could actually be one of my colleagues! They have left recently as well for the same reasons. Exact same thing with being too succinct, he tells me that too. I have published works in my field, first class degree and first class masters in the field. I don't write any better or any worse than anyone else - and he does have a good turn of phrase - but it's so arrogant to think your way of writing is the 'only' way

My manager has next week off and then I have some unpaid leave booked. I'm truly overjoyed to have the break from dealing with him.