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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No family support

7 replies

Kelly2303 · 22/04/2020 22:23

Hi everyone, so I have never posted on any sort of forum or chat before but I am just struggling a lot at the moment and this seems like a good place to seek advice and possibly support.
So basically I am 37 weeks pregnant and around Christmas I had a falling out with my mother, we seem to do this thing of I say something or do something she doesn't agree with and then will go months without speaking to me or acknowledging me. It was a fairly bad argument as she read messages on my phone and found out I lied to her about something but things escalated when on the day of my sons birthday she told him that I didn't invite her or my dad to his party which is completely untrue, I did and they said they could not go. He has autism and takes things very much to heart. The morning of the argument she said "I bought these for the baby so take them and I'm done then with you" so I said look its my sons birthday I dont want to argue with you and of course she followed me down the stairs calling me a disappointment, an embarrassment and that I wasn't welcome in her house anymore.

She has taken to having excuses to call to my house now such as bringing post, things that my son left behind etc but she sits in the car and then when my MIL calls she will stand in my driveway and talk to much about me telling my MIL that I am not welcome in her house and I'd hate to think of what else.

So fast forward to her birthday I sent in gifts from my son and she sent them back home with him and then my 30th was in March and neither her/my dad/grandparents/brothers called or text to say happy birthday. I felt so embarrassed when my partners family called and asked what did I get for my birthday and I had to downplay it saying oh over the lockdown I can't see them but they'll give me something when I see them. (I know gifts don't matter but I still felt I had to make something up). My partner and his family were the only ones to contact me and make the day special. Then two days ago I had to stay in hospital because of high blood pressure and I text and rang my family and no one replied, when I was allowed home my son video called my dad and I heard him saying oh I hear your baby brother might be here soon. No mention of anything else. Im just increasingly feeling so lonely and to be honest I am so upset that my dad especially isn't speaking to me as we have always been so close and he wasn't involved in any argument. I just have that feeling over and over again of sitting there on my birthday by myself and wondering how this happens, that I have three brothers that are treated so well and I am left time and time again to wait for her to pick a day to decide she wants to speak to me again.

Sorry for the long post but its nice just to even type out how I feel.

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 22/04/2020 22:28

You are an adult. You have tried to contact them. It is sad but you have to back off. Start making a life without them - if they can't treat you as an adult and with respect then just let it be for now.
What about your brothers? Do you have any relationship with them?

GreenTulips · 22/04/2020 22:29

You can’t change people, you can’t keep banging your head on a brick wall and expect a different result.

They’ve shown you who they are, so now you have to decide what you want.
It takes time but change your expectations.

Mary46 · 22/04/2020 22:31

Feel for you Kelly. Desperate. She sounds bit of a bully as I recognise these traits in my mother. I dont know I would take a step back for now. You must feel so hurt. Its my mams way or the high way! Not nice.

ilovepuggies · 22/04/2020 22:38

I’m sorry you are in this position it’s totally rubbish but I think a previous poster is right focus your energy and thoughts somewhere else. I haven’t had contact with my family after having children as they were critical and unreliable it was initially very hard and I sometimes feel frustrated by it but I’m in a much stronger and happier place without the constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions. You don’t have to have no contact like me but you could completely back off and have no expectations of them and refocus on your family and new baby. Congratulations on being pregnant and enjoy your little one. Best wishes.

KOC1990 · 22/04/2020 22:48

Thanks so much to everyone that replied to me. I appreciate the time taken. It's nice to be given advice when you keep thinking that you are in the wrong and my partner just keeps telling me to get over it and sort things out with her. The last time this happened was actually only last August, I called to visit with my son and because I brought the dog she stormed upstairs and stayed there until I left. Regardless, I just find it hard to think of my older son having such a great relationship with them and this baby probably won't have any.

@Pipandmum I don't have much of one, the younger two are teenagers so they have no interest at all, I obviously text them but we wouldn't have much to chat about.

Leaannb · 22/04/2020 22:56

@KOC109 Just stop with them. Cit them off and move on. TBF though I would have said something to you also for bringing your dog to visit without telling me before hand also. That wouldn' t go over well here

Landlubber2019 · 22/04/2020 22:58

Please stop contacting them and look forward to building a future with your son and new baby. If you are facilitating contact between your son and gp, I would stop this too. I would guess their behaviour is very hurtful, so move on and don't look back Flowers

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