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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think I’ve technically broke the rules

13 replies

RuleBreakersOverHere · 21/04/2020 13:42

Single parent to a DC who falls into the vulnerable but not shielding category.

They’re not seeing their father (he’s used it as an excuse to not see them nothing to do with me). I drive but don’t own my own car as I can’t afford to (I work but only 12 hours a week due to DCs medical condition meaning I need to be available for medical appointments and weekly therapies).

I have a family member who can’t work atm due to his own medical conditions but he drives. Apart from walking his dogs once a day he’s going nowhere (he admits he walks one dog in the morning then the other in the evening but both walks are less than ½ a mile in length and take him approximately 15 minutes – usually he’d walk them together then have a bike ride but he didn’t want to be seen to be breaking rules – he talks to no-one else on these walks and no longer lets the dogs off lead). He lives alone.

So what we’ve been doing is he has been driving down the supermarket, sitting on the car park with DC in his car. I’ve been going into the shop doing a weeks shopping for both households. Then loading the car up with the shopping, I then walk home with DC and FM drives my shopping home. He drops mine in my communal hallway (I live in a block of flats) and then sitting in his car until I get home (to make sure shopping doesn’t get stolen). I’m usually about 10 minutes behind him. Once I’m home he drives back to his house and doesn’t go out again apart from for dog walks.

He says it’s helping seeing my DC once a week, even though my DC is quite young and generally chats nonsense. He also says he feels useful helping me like this as he’s not allowed to help with his volunteer job or his paid work due to his medical condition at the moment (they’ll call him in if they need him but they have healthier people in the volunteer role atm and his paid job is none essential).

I feel this is the best way to protect my DC from CV and also my family member as if either got it then they’d be seriously ill. But I am prepared to be slaughtered by AIBU for breaking the rules.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Wilberforce1 · 21/04/2020 13:50

I don't think you are bu, sounds like a perfect arrangement.

Bibijayne · 21/04/2020 13:53

You're allowed to help a vulnerable person (in this case your son). Not against the rules.

DefConOne · 21/04/2020 13:54

Why do you walk home if your DC was already in the car? This arrangement sounds fine to me by the way.

SpoonBlender · 21/04/2020 13:54

Given that he's effectively isolating apart from you, he shouldn't be a risk to your family. Mental health is important.

RuleBreakersOverHere · 21/04/2020 13:56

Why do you walk home if your DC was already in the car?

FM doesn't have a car seat and I share a car seat with DCs father who currently has the seat.

OP posts:
Beldon · 21/04/2020 13:59

Is your son in protected group?

RuleBreakersOverHere · 21/04/2020 14:04

Is your son in protected group?

My DC has a medical condition that means they have an immature immune system and their drs have recommend we SI but we haven't received a shielding letter for them.

OP posts:
Deanetta · 21/04/2020 14:26

This all sounds absolutely fine to me. You are still, for example, allowed to use taxis and Uber, so what you are doing is barely any different (and safer as you are aware of the contact the car owner has had).

My only suggestion, which may be overboard, is keeping your shopping in the car until you arrive home. You don't know who might touch it in the communal hallway.

AmelieTaylor · 21/04/2020 14:38

I think it sounds the best compromise for all of you. Life isn't perfect and you just have to do your best.

You are probably the biggest risk, as you're the one going in the supermarket, but you all need to eat & hopefully you're using alcohol hand sanitiser?

Please don't worry about them rules' just worry about minimising they risk. Washing hands,using sanitiser etc.

I'm sorry DC's Dad isn't being of any bloody use.

Take care🌷

RuleBreakersOverHere · 21/04/2020 14:44

you're using alcohol hand sanitiser?

Santiser when I go in and out of the supermarket and I wash my hands when I get home then again when I've put the shopping away.

OP posts:
aupresdemonarbre · 21/04/2020 14:45

What are you worried about? Not sure why you are posting, you say yourself the arrangement works for you.

RuleBreakersOverHere · 21/04/2020 14:49

What are you worried about?

Worried I'm breaking the rules, I suffer with anxiety so it is a concern.

OP posts:
Derbee · 21/04/2020 14:53

It sounds like a reasonable adjustment to supply 2 households with food, allow exercise, and support mental health.

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