Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel saddened and guilty that my (keyworker) child does not do the set class learning whilst attending school?

126 replies

WishIWasARunner · 21/04/2020 12:04

DS (4) attends school as I am full time keyworker. i have some time off this week and have been following the class set online learning. It became apparent we couldn't do various things as needed to do the preceeding work over past few weeks. I presumed he would be following his class learning while attending school. I checked in and was told they have Reception, Year 1 and Year 2 in together so not following the online learning. Not only do I feel guilty for putting him in school, but to add to it I now know he's not following his class learning which puts him at disadvantage

OP posts:
OneandTwenty · 21/04/2020 16:53

they could be doing a bit of the set work during the day.

you can imagine if they did - people would be fighting to put their kids to school. The point of doing childcare only was also to keep the number as low as they possibly could and avoiding abuse.

Embracelife · 21/04/2020 16:54

He is four. Playing and enjoying school is all that matters.

Boom45 · 21/04/2020 17:24

2 key workers in our house but we're working from home and both stupid busy so we're not doing any school work. I've muted the class WhatsApp groups because all the pictures and tales of home learning are making me feel bad but I dont imagine they're all doing it. And at least some of those that are will be doing more harm than good. A few months without learning wont do a 4 year old any harm at all. Don't fret, there are bigger things to worry about and your child being happy through this is more important to their future learning than poorly taught times tables

PicsInRed · 21/04/2020 17:33

there's no difference between weeks and weekends atm anyway, and not like you have major plans

There is a difference for those of us working full time outside the home.

PicsInRed · 21/04/2020 17:36

On a lovely note, my school are now facilitating online learning for those in school childcare. Thank Christ! Could have hugged those teachers if that wasn't now frowned upon. 😂

Home42 · 21/04/2020 17:40

He’s 4!!!!!!

cheeseismydownfall · 21/04/2020 17:40

I think a lot of posters here are missing the point. It's true that at 4 years old, your DS is very unlikely to suffer any long term academic disadvantage by not being able to follow the homeschooling work that his class has been set. And it is also true that he will actually be benefiting in some ways too, by being able to continue to socialise outside of his family. But I definitely sympathise with your situation and it must be really hard to feel that your DS is missing out, and I don't think other people should be minimising your right to feel that way. So...

YANBU to feel the way you do. One of the hardest things about this crisis is how very, very differently we are all being impacted and how unfair this is.

YABU to really beat yourself up about it. You are doing what you can, your DS is young, and will catch up on anything he has missed.

Writerandreader · 21/04/2020 17:42

He is probably at an advantage in some ways as he is still continuing normal school life which is good for his confidence.

In the nicest possible way it is bonkers to worry about nthe academic attainment of a 4 Yr old especially summer born. They will be forced to actually make our school system more play based because of the months off young children will have had.

DDiva · 21/04/2020 17:42

I put uabu only because they will be adapting the work to cover all ages and abilitys. There is such a range in their ability at this age teachers are used to adapting to a year or more difference. There may be a little difference in the subjects covered but not all children at home will cover all the work and I'm sure teachers will recap this....

Really12345 · 21/04/2020 18:00

It’s hard but I do know where you are coming from. I know that schools only have the capacity to provide childcare but key workers children are being disadvantaged compared to other children with engaged parents (clearly not as much as those with non engaged parents but they are).

Mine is only in the nursery class and we’re both at home this week as she had a temperature a few days ago (waiting for out test results to know when we can go back) so we have been doing the online learning and activities together. It’s been fun and she’s making progress. She just watches tv when at school and then if we don’t do the learning in the evening when she’s tired I get annoyed emails from her teacher about my non engagement with her learning. Wondering why I bother to go to work at the Moment (it’s not financially required for me, in fact I pay out in childcare around as much as I add to the family pot).

For those children by going to school they are missing out on the learning that their peers are doing and being put at risk health wise at the same time. Not the biggest encouragement for key workers to keep on putting themselves at risk with no ppe if they don’t have to.

And whoever suggested there’s not much different between weekend and weekday, for those of us with both parents still working full time (INfact increased hours and all annual leave cancelled ) and the kid in school there is really quite a big difference between week and weekends (husband working one in four of them as well) so not overly keen to cram in five days of learning in the two days I get to clean the house, go shopping, deal with all the normal life admin and the extra stuff covid 19 brings

TheLadyAnneNeville · 21/04/2020 18:19

Aww, I’m sure he’ll be fine. Don’t worry too much. Take care.

SoloMummy · 21/04/2020 18:45

It's been made abundantly clear that children attending school are merely having childcare provided.
To have thought any different is insane given most are working staff rotas, have closed off large parts of the school, and to expect otherwise really is totally unrealistic.

And initially there were parents sending because they thought their children would be advantaged by going.

Tbh give how long this has been going on I cannot believe that you've only just realised. Nor that you have not been trying to supplement and reinforce their learning by home learning. Do you not speak with your child? The staff?

DysonFury · 21/04/2020 19:01

Schools are being kept open as childcare for key workers. That is pretty much all.

littleducks · 21/04/2020 19:55

Our school is doing some attempts at the learning and daily phonics. I'm not sure how well ds is progressing compared to the very engaged parents on WhatsApp class group.

oblada · 21/04/2020 19:58

He's 4! My first one started school at 5 (September born) and is doing fab!
Both my eldest are in yr 3 and yr 1 and doing v little work as both me and DH are working full-time (from home). We just try to manage them all and keep them and their younger brother (3) happy. Nothing else matters.

CallmeAngelina · 21/04/2020 20:07

Our school is doing some attempts at the learning and daily phonics.

At a push, they might provide time (and a bit of support) for the Home Learning tasks, but they shouldn't be doing the daily phonics. That will create a two-tier situation.

Original poster
WishIWasARunner · 21/04/2020 20:09

Ok, I feel less stressed about it now and accept IABU! Interesting hearing other keyworkers feeling the same though

OP posts:
Really12345 · 21/04/2020 20:15

@SoloMummy maybe she has been a bit busy being a key worker and all that. Also at our school adults cannot enter the grounds so parents cannot speak to the teachers. And when Exactly is she supposed to be supplementing her kids learning if she’s a care worker pulling 12hrs shifts?

thewinkingprawn · 21/04/2020 20:21

I commented to my DH that all the pictures and the #making memories blah blah of the week of home school before the Easter holidays have all but dried up in this first week back. I suspect people are now having a torrid time trying to get their kids to do something whilst also trying to work. We have 3 aged 4. 7 and 10 and we both work full time. Ours are doing bog all. I wouldn’t worry about your 4 year old in the slightest

KMoKMo · 21/04/2020 20:23

@solomummy I don’t think there’s any need for that. I don’t think OP is criticising the staff at school in anyway. She simply didn’t realise.

OP FWIW I don’t think you are being unreasonable. We are also a 2 key worker family and I haven’t sent my 5 year old to school as I felt she would be disadvantaged and that it would also distress her. I do have a younger child so would have needed to care for her anyway.

Further the children at school are at further risk of picking up the virus and infecting you as key workers. I understand why it needed to be done so keyworkers could continue but I don’t agree with it. Not when you look at virus loading. Keyworkers are always the bottom of the barrel.

Worriedmum54321 · 21/04/2020 20:49

They will probably be back in school within a month so I wouldn't worry too much. With the Easter holidays it will only be about 4 or 5 weeks of school missed.
Personally I think your 4 year old is lucky to be in school. The social isolation could be a lot worse for children than a few weeks missed curriculum

Newkitchen123 · 21/04/2020 20:54

Let him be a kid

littleducks · 21/04/2020 21:02

@callmeAngelina the daily phonics is available for home school too, they school follow RWI so daily phonics a big deal. The other tasks they seem to do less than home schoolers. I do worry a bit as he isnt the most confident in academics.

But there is a difference between learning weeks (term time) and Easter holidays when they ran holiday club as usual (no teachers in school or lessons) but just for keyworker children. So they are doing some attempt at tasks, ds is only 6 so providing time wouldn't work even in normal circumstances.

Just as well really as there is no way I could attempt education tasks after the stress at work atm like most nhs staff.

SoloMummy · 21/04/2020 22:32

@Really12345
Many parents, whether key worker or not, are still working. I have always participated in my child's education despite working. Now I'm working and juggling teaching my child.
The situation hasn't changed for the op, beyond her child gets to still go to school which suggests she's never overly active with regards her child's education. Even with 12 hour shifts reading, discussing the phonics of the day etc or just a general extension of what have you been doing.
. The children have been going to the school for some time, that's ambivalence to their education on an extensive scale.

Really12345 · 21/04/2020 23:26

@solomummy
Why the need to suggest the OP isn’t an engaged parent? How is that supportive to someone literally risking their life for the greater good right now? She’s at home and is helping her kid learn as well as working as a key worker, what more do you want?

I guess this is en
Financialy I have the opportunity to stay home, instead I have increased my hours (before we had to isolate for symptoms) to help other people. My husband is currently in a hotel for a fortnight so that he can continue to work meaning I’m stuck here alone with a sick preschooler.

I don’t put my kid in full time nursery because I’m an engaged parent who wants to spend time with her. I was excited about our last summer before she started school and spending that precious time with her. She’s now going for 5 long days a week and isn’t being taught and is cooped up in a classroom and is at increased risk of catching covid. I would much prefer to have her safe at home with me, pottering round the garden, doing baking and craft, I guess many nhs workers feel the same. Surely making sure our kids manage to get taught some of the stuff their peers are learning isn’t too much.

Before we were isolating our days were horrid and hectic with cobbled together childcare, always rushing always late. Coming home means feeding her and getting her to bed and then starting with the mountain of documents I need to read for work - ppe updates, clinical guidelines etc as well as making some scrubs and stuff for my surgery. Weekends are madness of shopping and cleaning and one of us often pulling an out of hours shift as well. Not much time for teaching.

In conclusion my kids getting a raw deal right now, do I want to spend more time with her, of course I do, do I want to keep her home, of course but I am trying to save you and your family and friends lives at the detriment of my family’s temporary contentment so I feel that the least that can be done is not suggesting that people like me are not engaged enough. Longer term the education of key workers kids will need to be looked at as it’s not sustainable that they are not educated while others are.