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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to home school my year 10 Dd and leave her to it

35 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 21/04/2020 10:04

So my 14 yo dd is very conscientious and sticks to the school timetable. Gets up early so she can get her school work done and go on her Xbox to "socislise".

My input is zero, apart from when she asks for help with science. I also mark her exam practice papers for her using the answer sheets.

She is a good girl but a typical teen in that she is very difficult to help if she doesn't feel I know the answers. So my 'interfering' isn't welcome.

I feel guilty that I'm not 'teaching' her and just leaving her to her own devices.

Not sure what I can do , and feel bad seeing all the "home schooling stuff

OP posts:
Reginabambina · 21/04/2020 10:06

A 14 year old should be capable of doing it themselves without parental input. I would find it concerning if a 14 year old required active parental input during this period of ‘homeschooling’.

Imaystillbedrunk · 21/04/2020 10:07

I suspect that's what most secondary school parents are doing. Honestly I think leaving them to do it and supporting them when asked, you are teaching them that independent learning/researching life skill. It's something that i think I didn't have experience of until uni.

If you are marking the work, are you going over the areas she gets wrong?

AnneOfCloves · 21/04/2020 10:08

I go nowhere near my 14yo’s school stuff. She does it herself, usually in an online group chat with her school friends.

noblegiraffe · 21/04/2020 10:08

You’re not supposed to be homeschooling her. If she’s getting on with what the teachers are setting then that’s brilliant.

How would you teach a Y10 their GCSEs anyway? I’m a teacher and I can only do maths...

tiredanddangerous · 21/04/2020 10:09

I’ve left my 12 year old (year 7) to it. She asks if she needs help with anything, I check in on her regularly and keep her supplied with drinks and snacks.

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 21/04/2020 10:09

I mark it with her as her writing is illegible due to dyslexia- thankfully she'll be able to use a laptop for exams

OP posts:
SallyLovesCheese · 21/04/2020 10:11

She sounds sensible and capable of independent work - a good foundation for facing studies in further or higher education! Good on her.

middleager · 21/04/2020 10:11

Mine are 14 and I would help them (not that they'd let me) but I don't understand the work. It's at a level that's beyond me in subjects like Maths and Science.

fourpeasinapod · 21/04/2020 10:12

Just ensure she is keeping up to date with work posted online, assuming she has access to Google Classroom or something like that.

What else can you do? She’s 14. Seems like you’re doing enough already

middleager · 21/04/2020 10:14

Mine were mortified when I suggested watching a documentary together for History Shock

MsJaneAusten · 21/04/2020 10:16

I teach secondary. I’m not expecting parental input on any of the work I set. The only contact I’ve had from parents has been “X is ill so hasn’t been able ho do this” and (sweetly) “this must be really difficult. We hope you and your family are well”.

Leave her be. She sounds great (like most teens).

FinallyHere · 21/04/2020 10:17

Parents are really not expected to teach their children, more to create the environment in which it is possible for them to engage with the material they are getting from school.

What can you do to encourage your teen?

How about praising her for being so organised and determined? You could ask her to tell you about some small part, say one thing that interested her each day. Your role would be to listen with attention and raise her about it.

Don't bother questioning her about any part that does not seem clear.

There is nothing like telling someone else for making you realise what parts you don't understand.

Did I mention praise her specifically for the things she is doing.

One2Three4Five6 · 21/04/2020 10:26

I have DTs 14, my input is minimal, They are getting up in the morning, getting on with the work, none of the work seems to be too extreme, it's all adequately set with teachers very clear instructions and all seems to be the right level for their capapbilities.
All I am doing is setting out a timetable each morning, they need this or they flounder a bit. I'm printing out all the work they need printed and filing it (because that makes ME feel better!) and displaying powerpoints on the TV so they are easier for them to see.
KS4 tend to focus on being more independent.
I have actually been very impressed with how much my two have taken the initiative with their own learning, I didn't think they would be keen on getting on with lessons if I'm honest, but they've been superb at cracking on and tackling extra bits too.

Looneytune253 · 21/04/2020 10:31

My y10 dd is just getting on with it herself. She says she is doing a proportional amount of work done that she would usually do in a usual day (sticking to main timetable ish) she has a full day of school done in an hour and a half lol. She is very studious tho and she was always coming home saying she'd finished all her work in class and teacher didn't have any work or she had to do x or y.

Troels · 21/04/2020 10:52

I'm pretty much staying out of it with my 15 year old yr 10. She gets notifications of work and when it's due, and so do I. I ask once in a while if she had notice of whatever is due to be turned in, and do look online to see whats been turned in occasionally.
She just gets on with it.

hippohector · 21/04/2020 10:53

My 14 year old asked for my help with maths the other day as he didn’t understand it.
It made me laugh to think that he thought I could help - nope, not a clue!!

LondonJax · 21/04/2020 11:16

My year 8 is the same. I go through his on line calendar with him every morning, then it's down to him. He can ask if he needs help. He has a break mid morning where he can do whatever he wants, read, watch TV, whatever.

We watch BBC bitesize whilst we have our lunch. He'll do some of the bitesize stuff on line if he runs out of work before lunch. Then we do Joe Wicks, sit in the garden and he goes on his PS4 playing against his friends at 3.30pm-4pm every day. They call each other on their phones and play at the same time so they socialise.

In the evening we'll try to get something in that will help with keeping his brain occupied. He loves Richard Osman's House of Games - it keeps the brain ticking over, makes you have to think fast and it's fun.

Last night he asked if he could watch Mastermind and University Challenge (would you believe) and managed to answer a few questions in each...whilst I was still trying to figure out what the heck they were talking about! DH and I were really impressed and told him so. We're always telling him that we're proud of the way he's coping with this.

Home schooling in this time doesn't just mean the stuff the school sends - if there's an interest, lock onto that. DS loves space stuff so he's often on the NASA site or space quiz sites. If he's interested I'm happy. I'm not going to sweat the fact that it's not all on the curriculum. Reading a cornflakes packet is still reading at the end of the day. He's learning without realising it.

LolaSmiles · 21/04/2020 11:22

YANBU at all, in fact what you're doing is what most people should be doing: facilitating their child to learn.

It's not a situation for home educated or parents being teachers. It's a public crisis requiring a bit of common sense and all round understanding.

Can I just say as a teacher on MN how nice it is to see a thread full of reasonable mums who've got common sense. It makes a change from some of the particularly goady attitudes elsewhere. Flowers

BarkandCheese · 21/04/2020 11:26

I’m doing the same with my y7. She just gets on with it and works through what the school send out, sometimes she asks for a bit of help or feedback and obviously I get involved then, but otherwise I leave her to it.

Littlebluebird123 · 21/04/2020 11:29

I'm a teacher and the only home schooling I'm doing with my year seven is cooking, crafting, exercising etc. The work is being sent home and they work through it. I help when needed and provide snacks etc.
The work I send home for my students is supposed to be accessed independently and is more to occupy them so their parents can work/keep their skills up.
Sounds like you've managed to instill a sense of independence and motivation for learning in your child which is great. I wouldn't worry.

cheesecurdsandgravy · 21/04/2020 11:48

I came to say what @LolaSmiles has already. Thank you SmileBrew

middleager · 21/04/2020 11:48

The Richard Osman show sounds interesting. Is it BBC?

Theresnobslikeshowb · 21/04/2020 11:54

I wake up ds year 10, make sure he’s up, teeth brushed, had breakfast and is sat on his PC logged into google classroom. Then I leave him. If no work is completed I would get an email- but he’s ploughing through it. The only thing I am going to help him with is revision cards- his school report yesterday, suggested he starts making them now for his GCSE’s, I made pretty good ones at school and uni, so will give him a hand on these. The rest- he’s on his own!!!

toobusytothink · 21/04/2020 11:56

Of course not! I have yr 8 and 9 kids and I’m not going to teach them at all! It’s all online and they can sort it themselves. I’m a teacher so have my own work to do anyway ...

TippledPink · 21/04/2020 12:00

Agreed, I also have a year 8 and 9 and I have had nothing to do with their school work. Even my year 4 9 year old I have just marked her work and told her when to sit down and do it. I am not a teacher and wouldn't know how to teach!