Children playing on graves

[Goostacean]

Safety issues aside, should children be allowed to play on graves/gravestones?

There’s a cemetery near me that’s popular with joggers and dog walkers, and obviously with young families currently too. Clearly the “occupants” are unaware, and it’s nice to have some life and laughter there - but also feels a bit disrespectful somehow.

What does MN think...?

I do indeed mean a chapel - thank you. (Embarrassed to have been schooled by Nanny Ogg...!)

The cemetery is largely Victorian but not entirely; there are relatively tended graves and deaths from the 1990s, if not more recent. I think I may have seen 2012, but tbh I’m more focused on watching aforementioned toddler!

I do find it a bit disrespectful, and distasteful. Clearly the parent today didn’t...

YANBU. It's a graveyard not a park. I think walking, reading, talking quietly, looking at the graves, picking wildflowers, are OK. "Children playing" usually means running around, shouting, possibly balls or frisbees - that's not appropriate.

Awful disrespectful behaviour. As DC we were terrified of taking a step in the wrong direction when we visited the graveyards every Christmas.

You know that very tiny children (under 2) don’t really understand not to touch things, right? As much as you can try to head them off... my 17 mo recently patted an angel figure on the head, and picked up a bright blue stone from another grave. (We put it back.

In cities, in lockdowns, people are doing their best imo.

Our village church holds an annual Easter we egg hunt in their churchyard! The whole village turns out and ‘tramples’ over the graves, no one seems to mind.

A Victorian cemetery I think fine

Why? At what date after the last death doesn't it count as a graveyard any more?

Sitting quietly, fine. Playing on the graves, not fine.

Embarrassed to have been schooled by Nanny Ogg...!

Why? We all forget things at times. And, you're welcome!

You cant help but walk on graves at our local cemetery

Disrespectful and it's never safe. Even the most solid looking stone can topple.

Fine @Nanny0gg because as I said, their close relatives are all also dead. There is noone left to be offended bar the perennially so.

Dead people are everywhere, bodies are everywhere. Just because someone was wealthy enough to afford a proper gravestone doesn't mean they deserve veneration forever.

You know that very tiny children (under 2) don’t really understand not to touch things, right?

Yes but these children weren’t under two. Parent was watching from quite far away, they’d left their bikes abandoned in the path so there was no need to be hanging off tombstones IMO.

More generally, like I said I’m managing two under 2.5 alone whilst DH wfh, in a city flat with no garden. So, I get it- I get going out, I get stretching the lockdown guidelines or whatever, but I don’t get disrespecting the dead. We sit down and have our snack, watch the birds, talk about the plants, sing quietly, “hunt monsters” between the graves, kick a ball along the path, wave at passing dogs... but we don’t walk on graves. Even the flat stone ones, which are very tempting and accessible for two year olds!

My DS also spotted a stone teddy bear placed for a 1 week old infant, and tried to insist it was his- I very firmly thanked God it wasn’t and we moved on.

sing quietly, “hunt monsters” between the graves

So playing in the graveyard is fine, but only the way you do it? Ok judgeypants. I doubt many people would draw the distinction tbh.

IMO:

Playing with boundaries = fine.
Launching themselves off of headstones or disturbing memorials = disrespectful.

Judgeypants Possibly a valid point, but we’re not doing these things ON the graves, which was the original question.

Tbh I’d much rather not be spending any time in cemetery accompanied by children but there are very few green spaces nearby.

I love the thought of children playing on my grave. We’re far too precious about death.

So disrespectful. I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue if I saw that.

It doesn’t matter the age of the graves they are someone’s family members. Of course they should be respected.

My understanding is that coffins routinely contained lead in years gone by, which can linger in surrounding soil/plants and be poisonous. That and the scope for hidden holes/something to fall over would make me very weary of letting a child play in a cemetery or graveyard. Besides, personally, the idea just also doesn’t sit right with me. It’s one thing to find out about who is buried there and quite another to use it as a playground.

I think graveyards are an excellent resource. Children playing is lovely and I don’t see it as disrespectful at all. I think it helps children understand the cycle of life, history, loss and is far healthier to be open about death than to use hushed tones and excess respect for bones.
Obviously it is different for fresh and maintained graves. I suspect a few dead grannies look down with joy at children playing.

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I think children playing is lovely too. Obviously not doing any damage. My parents ashes were sprinkled in the sea st their favourite beach - of course others swim and play on the beach there and that’s good.

Walking/playing on the paths is fine, on graves I find that really shocking.

It doesn’t matter the age of the graves they are someone’s family members

What if someone has no living relatives? Is it ok then?

What if there is no marker on the grave? Then is it ok? Lots of places have cleared the gravestones- can kids play there?

No, I would tell my DC off if they were playing on gravestones.

an old mental hospital near me was converted for housing. when i visited before the conversion, the graveyard still had the markers (no headstones, just metal signs with patient number and date of death).

during conversion these markers were removed. the graveyard is now a children’s playground. not even a memorial or marker to remember the hundreds of patients who died there over the years.

they also converted the mortuary into a rather nice bungalow. i often wonder if the owners are aware...

Personally, I can think of no better sound to have above my remains than childrens laughter. Put a slide and swing over my grave ...