Funeral

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A lovely colleague of mine has passed away due to COVID and the funeral is on Friday.

Obviously I won't be attending the actual funeral (and there are plans for a memorial when possible), but I live near the crematorium and wondered if it would be acceptable to go and wait near the entrance to show that her and her family are thought of and remembered that day, possibly wearing my work lanyard?

Is that acceptable or do you think the family would rather people didn't?

Thanks.

I wouldn’t. Family will understand.

Sorry for your loss.

Well, I'm not in the UK, Eu or US so our Covid levels are very low. I would go and stand across the road. But that's just me. A dear friend had an aunt die recently and could only go to the cemetery a couple of hours later and then had to leave when more of the immediate family arrived. It's terribly difficult.

I think it would be a lovely, kind thing to do, as long as you remain 2m away from everyone.

Sorry, I should clarify. I would be nowhere near the service. Just at the drive entrance for them driving in, and then leave immediately.

It just breaks my heart that people aren't getting the funerals they deserve. I know this funeral would be absolutely packed with colleagues if we could.

But if people think it's inappropriate, I would absolutely rather be told.

That's a lovely idea. I would.

I think it would be a lovely idea since you live nearby.

I remember being incredibly moved when my DH's grandmother died and people who we passed, stopped, took off hats and bowed their heads as we passed. I think it's a lovely idea. You won't be near anyone but the family will appreciate her being remembered.

I think you should - bereaved relatives I think would appreciate it that you thought enough of their family member to take time to do so.
I certainly would appreciate it.

But people aren’t allowed to gather. I’d lots of people do the same, it could be broken up by the police. That’s not what anyone wants?

I did this recently for an old friend and several hundred people turned up along a 2 mile route. The family were delighted and have commented on how much it meant to them in various newspaper articles they've done.
Showing respect to a colleague or friend is surely a minimum and you'll know you've done the right thing.
It was very sad but I was so glad I'd done it as he had attended numerous family funerals. You'll need to be very punctual as the funeral directors are given very specific slots and they keep the cortege moving at quite a pace.

I should add that social distancing was very strongly observed

Could backfire if lots of people have the same idea and the police are there moving you on as the family arrive

I would, funerals must be awful for families just now.
My friends dad's funeral was last week and only 5 could attend. His friends from the bowling club were outside the cemetery waiting for the hearse to pass to pay their respects. I know the family were touched by the gesture.

Think that is a lovely thought. I would.

I think it's a lovely idea. If lots of others have to same idea and it becomes a 'gathering' you can just keep on walking past.

Don’t you think the family of someone who has just died of covid would want people to be strictly observing social distancing though?

Ask the family and go with their decision. We had people stood outside the funeral home when mum left. They had asked if it was ok with us and we thought it was a lovely gesture on their part, especially as we couldn't be there and had to wait for mum to arrive at the crematorium.

@circusintown I suppose that's true. I've not heard of anyone else planning to attend, but there may well be some.

It's a very long driveway to the actual crem building, but perhaps not worth taking the chance and assuming there would be very few of us.

I don't even know the time of the service and no way of contacting the family. And I would hate to add to their upset in any way as they arrive.

I think I best leave it and wait for the memorial details.

I have been extremely strict about social distancing and have every intention of remaining so. I just find the circumstances of funerals so sad, as I'm sure everyone does.

It is really sad

I'd be a bit "aargh go home" if it was my family. A card would be preferable to me

There may be a limit for mourners for both inside and outside. If these numbers are low they may need the space for actual relatives.

A close friend of my dads has died, the church the funeral will be at is easily walkable for me from home so I am planning on taking my daily walk up that way and standing outside the church grounds well away from where anyone else is. It’s not much but to me it feels the right thing to do.

If by some very strange chance I got there and lots of people has had the same idea I would walk home without stopping.

I would, it shows respect but safely

Our local funeral Directors posted on Fb to ask if you see a funeral hearse to stop and pay your respects as it passes. They don't have any family cars following behind.
It's so sad, I really feel for everyone who is having to arrange a funeral just now.