Mother encouraging bad relationship?

[recycledbottle]

Has anyone a mother who encourages you to stay in a bad relationship? My friend found her husband on dating sites, arranging to meet people, and her mother is telling her all men do this and dont make a fuss. Another friend found out her partner was having an affair and her mother convinced her to stay, saying she would be selfish if she left. Similar story with another friend whoes husband stone walls, ignores her for weeks on end. She rings her mother who says men arent great for talking and its the womens role to break down the wall. Have others found this?

Your mother is a flying monkey

Those mothers sounds like idiots.

I think there are quite a lot of women who think like that, you see it quite often in MN threads, don't think it's confined to mothers.

Her mother is a complete loon and anachronistic. She probably thinks husband giving his wife 'a few slaps' is okay as well.

All these mothers are in a bad relationship themselves but I think it is sad that you actually encourage your child to live an unhappy life just because you choose to.

My mum has been similar in the past. Desperate for me to settle down so would happily overlook me being unhappy / not being attracted to the guy/ us constantly fighting as long as he was a “good prospect”. Used to drive me mad!

She wouldn’t have condoned cheating, drugs, alcoholism or gambling though.

Oh and she isn’t in a bad relationship herself! She and my dad happily married for nearly 40 years! Just has quite fixed, traditional ideas about what I should be up to.

Google "crabs in a bucket".
Mothers like this need unhappy and downtrodden daughters in order to validate their own crappy choices and not outshine them.

Must ignore their judgement and "advice".

I know someone whose mum was very olf fashioned and basically thought your success as a woman was marked by having a lasting marriage to an eligible man. Whether you were happy in your relationship or had your own career was hardly relevant to her at all.

Yep, my best friend’s sister’s boyfriend slapped her during an argument, she broke up with him and he literally stalked her for three months and had his family harass her, their mum said “He’s obviously really sorry about it, he’s doing all this because he loves you, give him another chance” she did as well and now can’t understand why her brother in law doesn’t like him anymore and doesn’t want him in the house. She also gave very poor advice to my best friend regarding her previous relationship in which he regularly put her down about her looks, job prospects, intelligence etc,. and joked about cheating on her to mutual friends, she told her to stay with him as “no one is perfect and a lot of men are much worse”. I can only conclude her own standards are extremely low.

Yes, my friends parents did this. My friend found out that her husband had cheated on her and given her an STI. She confronted her husband and he became violent, so my friend left and went to her parents house. But her parents said that she needed to get over it and that the wedding had cost too much for her to just get a divorce she ended up staying with me for a while until she could find her own place. I was gob smacked by her parents attitude.

I think some mothers do feel a personal sense of failure if their child's relationship fails.

@Elsiebear90 yes I think their own personal standards are pretty low.

@PancakesAndSyrup your friend was lucky to have you! Also glad she didnt follow theie advice.

@OuterMongolia perhaps but I see that as very selfish. Bascially they would rather their child was unhappy than look like a failure.

My Mum loves my husband as much as a third son, and he is genuinely a lovely guy, but she would turn on him and have my back in an instant if he pulled any of this crap.

Maybe it's because my Mum divorced my high functioning alcoholic Dad after several years of emotional & financial abuse so she wouldn't expect me to stick in an unhappy or unequal marriage.

Having said that she probably would advocate for marriage counselling first if it was a salvagable non-abusive relationship that either involved a one off "mistake" or a "drifting apart" scenario. She would certainly not dismiss any behaviour as "that's just what men do" that women need to suck up and tolerate.

When my dp left me my dm told me that she had always thought it was only going to be a matter of time before he found someone at work who was pretty.

My mom and MIL are harassing me to take ex"D"H back. "He's not as bad as some" "he's sorry and won't do it again". He's a whiny needy lazy shit who punched our 8 year old son because he was interrupting his computer game.
I'm being very unreasonable and I don't care.