To say no to TTC at the moment

[Camenbertsmuggler]

Before the lockdown DH and I were TTC DC2, we finally fell pregnant in January, but unfortunately i had a missed miscarriage and we lost the baby in March. I still haven't had a negative pregnancy test but that's another story.

Now were in lockdown i assumed it would be crazy to TTC and get pregnant, it would put me in the shielded group, i wouldn't be able to do the weekly shop anymore. And there would be added stress of attending antenatal appointments on my own. Not to mention the NHS doesn't need more patients.

DH thinks we should try again straight away, as the age gap is getting bigger (DS is 2.5) and were not getting any younger (i am 32 he is 41) and it could take us a few months to fall pregnant again like last time.

I just think with everything going on, i shouldn't cause more risk by getting pregnant.

His argument is that it could take moths anyway so should start now as we can't put our lives on hold.

So who is BU?

YABU - go for it start now
YANBU - don't put your family at risk and more strain on the NHS

Thank you.

you do have to put your life on hold, like everyone else. Please wait. If it was you that was 41 it would be different, but it isn't.

you do have to put your life on hold, like everyone else.

Says who? There’s no medical advice telling people not to try to conceive now.

OP - I wouldn’t base your decision on an anonymous person on a forum telling you to “put your life on hold.”

I wouldn’t be TTC in current times personally. Too much is unknown and the NHS has enough on without people voluntarily adding to it. Not to mention finances and the economy so adding a large financial burden by choice wouldn’t be for me.

An age gap would already be there so waiting isn’t go to make any difference to that. They would already by at very different stages anyway.

No definitely wait. There is enough strain on the NHS and we don't even know when this pandemic is doing to go away. Why would you want to bring a child into such an uncertain world?

Why would you want to bring a child into such an uncertain world?

In nine months (plus the time to conceive) things will look very different.

@Camenbertsmuggler I'm sorry for your loss. We've been trying since June 2018. We're still trying. I'm not going to waste time waiting for this thing to go away. It really is your decision though. Everyone is different. I see no reason to delay but if you do that's your decision.

If you were 35 or over I'd probably say go for it but in your situation I'd be inclined to wait too.

I am absolutely amazed anyone would be trying for a baby at the moment.

A poster says thing will look very different in 9 months. Yes they will but very high chance they will not look good.

The virus will quite likely still be around but the economy will be in a dreadful state. I dread to think what state the NHS will be in.

You need to consider the sort of world you would be bringing that baby into not just your own wants

@lynsey91 Didn't people have babies during the war? I wish i could TTC but I unfortunately need a job where I can cover both childcare and mortgage on my income. . Which is something this virus has thrown into the balance. Also not a big fan of using maternity care when the NHS is in its current state, cos this is my first and only time giving birth so I want it to be special . but if OP has savings and can afford childcare and always wanted DC2 anyway, why not?

lynsey91 - I believe you popped up on the conception boards a few weeks ago. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3860068-Anyone-not-just-delaying-but-reconsidering-TTC-altogether-due-to-Covid-19-and-the-impending-recession

It seems strange that somebody who is so anti having children seems to enjoy telling people who do want children that they are selfish. On a forum that wants to make life easier for parents.

Oh and stupid as well. You sound really empathic.

I'm currently pregnant, though not in the UK. It's not oodles of fun. They don't seem to know anything about how The Plague affects pregnancy (each update from the RCOG is worse, as they learn more) and it's quite stressful.

I also wouldn't underestimate the stress of pregnancy after miscarriage. I had a missed miscarriage, too, and had a successful pregnancy after that - I was so stressed and anxious throughout that pregnancy, even though everything ended up being fine. I needed a lot of reassurance from my doctor, and I understand this is not uncommon in pregnancies after miscarriage. (I was worried again through the first trimester of this pregnancy, too, though it was better than last time, when I was an absolute wreck at my 12 week scan.) In the current situation, I don't know what kind of support you'd get - hopefully as much as you need, but maybe things are more limited than normal.

You're still young, it took you a few months to get pregnant last time, but it didn't take years - I'd be strongly inclined to wait and see how things look later in the year before starting trying to conceive.

I'd delay by at least a few months. We'll know more about Covid and pregnancy. We may get more information on a vaccine and if it will be suitable during pregnancy.

How healthy are you? You could use this time to improve your health even more. Your body needs to recover from the miscarriage.