I'm not sure where to start but for the last 2 years my husband as slowly withdrawn from me and our 3 boys.
We had money problems and he had problems with work which put a lot of stress on him and our relationship but I have always been very patient and supportive. I even started my own business last year and had to put it on hold because it became apparent that I wasn't going to receive any support from him with the kids, even though he promised he would help before i started the business. (By support i mean taking time off/working from home when they are poorly and off school. I was only dog walking so this would only have been for a few hours a day on the odd occasion. He would of still been paid but if i couldn't do a walk at last minute i wouldn't be paid and actually lost customer's as a result of not being able to turn up).
He doesn't arrange to do anything as a family, he doesn't arrange to do anything as a couple. I have to do all this, even for my birthday/mothers day etc.
I have to beg him to take time off work for a holiday pr just time at home with us.
I have to beg him to do things around the house, DIY stuff. I try and do as much as i can but physically i cant do it all.
He was made redundant in January of this year and decided to start his own business, I've been fully supportive of this, even though i was worried about the financial impact it would have on us and I even found a part time job to work around his business.
I still did the majority of childcare, although he was helping more when i was at work and the the only housework job he did was loading the dishwasher i did the rest.
Since lockdown my part time job has obviously stopped and the kids are all at home so ive been trying to look after them, keep the house clean and give him space to do his work upstairs.
The problem is he was spending alot of time playing games on his phone, smoking, making coffees, playing playstation etc and ended up working all day and in the evenings. I supported this for weeks but Il be honest i do struggle with the boys sometimes, keeping them amused all day, every day. trying to do some school work. They are 7,4 & 3 its hard and keep on to p of the house work and my mental health.
Ive expressed the fact im struggling to my husband so so many times, ive begged him for his help but he still does nothing. There are jobs that need doing round the house and i actually like my boys would like to spend some time with him. I don't think that's a lot to ask for. But he still insists on working all day, night. 7 days a week. I get we need money obviously but in my eyes spending time together as a couple/family should be prioritised aswel especially at a time like this.
Last week he didn't have any paid work and instead spent the week doing some free online courses which again i supported but again when i tried to bring up the subject of him spending more time with us, i was met with anger and abuse. He puts me down, says its my fault my business failed, says im stupid and selfish for trying to stop him from working and not thinking of our kids.
We then spent the next 3 days not really talking which was so hard when we are locked in a house together and last night i expressed to him that there is a couple of courses i would like to do to benefit me when we come out of lockdown and if he doesnt have paid work this week then i would like to do it and he can look after the kids during the day.
This was again met with alot of abuse and him ending our marriage. He reiterated to me again that our marriage was over and that him working on his website and doing free online courses was way more important than me doing the same. Hes even saying that when we come out of lock down he wont be leaving the house (owned by his parents) and will be going for full custody of the kids because there better of with him that me!!!!! Ive never said anything like that to him.
He doesn't speak to his family very often and definitely not about private stuff, he only has his dad, mum and 2 sisters and no friends or work colleagues or anything.
I feel like his view of life, parenting, being a husband is very selfish because he has nothing to compare it to, no one to ask for advice etc
I feel like ive been begging him to work with me as a team in regards to the kids and house and i just plan to take some time off and spend the time with me and the kids. I dont think its unreasonable to have booked a week of from working over easter ( which he did for the last 2 years because we were away) to help me with the kids and get some house jobs done. Even if he didnt do that just take a day or 2 off a week without me asking (a weekend, like he used to)
Ive arranged for us to a have a few evenings together romantically, how hard would it be for him to do the same. I give him so many hints and ideas.
Am i asking for too much? do i need to just admit that he doesn't want to spend time with me for a reason and now he has ended it just leave it? How do we get through the rest of lockdown then? What do i do if he does try to take the boys, I have no where to go?
Im trying so hard to stay calm and happy for the boys, this is such a stressful and crazy time for everyone and this on top is just more pressure.