To just not be able to cope?!

[Treatedlikeamaid]

I know it’s testing times. Finding everyones stresses and money worries and 87 year old mum living alone and losing marbles just all too much.
Ds very grumpy and challenging all day, tho perks up at bed time.
Dd helped me and came for a walk - should I have told her I’m feeling a bit stressed by all the news? So now I feel guilty about that.
Dh very stressed and shouty. Was managing to keep my mood up and keep some sort of structure for kids, but dh lost it last week and again yesterday and I’ve plummeted in confidence and energy.
I don’t think he realises..he came in half an hour later and was surprised that I was upset. The kids noticed too.
Aibu to not manage my mood, I was doing ok, but after the last shout am really anxious. Guess I’m not alone though!

You are not responsible for everyone's moods OP.
Cut yourself some slack and stop managing/ feeling responsible for everything.

Thanks p.
I think you are right, I’ve slipped into feeling responsible for kids being happy. Bugger, thought I’d got out of that.
Thanks for replying, very nice to know there are people out there!

Did I understand you right? Your husband 'loses it' and shouts a lot?

No wonder you're on edge. He sounds abusive.

It's not your job to manage other people's emotions for them. Who made you think it was?

In terms of confiding in your DD that you're worried, I think it is good for children to be aware of their parents struggles, providing that you're then going to role model a healthy way of dealing with it. If you tell her that you're overwhelmed so you've had a cry, gone for a walk etc then that showing her you are human and how to take care of yourself. If you deal with stress by shouting and 'losing it' and upsetting everyone around you and then acting like it's no big deal and they are over sensitive, well then that's less healthy.

DH was surprised that his shouting had upset you? Did he apologise? Is he planning on exercising more self control and not using you and the kids as emotional punching bags?

Sorry you're struggling OP Your husband needs to learn to control his shouting. It's not fair on everyone else.

Children are disrupted at the moment so that's probably why your son is difficult during the day.

My husband's mum sounds similar to yours- lives alone, alzheimer's and needs support from DH to manage. It's really difficult, especially when you are trying to not visit frequently.

Be kind to yourself.

Thanks everyone. It’s very hard to know what’s normal and whether I’m to blame. Then I think I’m being a wet.
Thanks mum of 3, I hope that’s what I did. Dd gave me a few tips that she uses too which was nice.
Mboz, yes, he genuinely seemed amazed that I was upset. And then I got a hug. Very odd, it’s like once I’ve proved I’m upset it’s all ok again. Wierd.
And no no apology! Don’t think it occurred to him to link his shouting to my being upset.
Thanks pumpkin. I hope your hubbys mum is ok, it’s very difficult for us all, especially elderly.
Going to give ds a cuddle, if he’ll let me! Been on phone all morning, not good.
And yes, will take the point about being kind to myself. That’s working on my wee business, just very very hard to keep going with all the negativity . You’ve all given me a boost, thank you!

Need another boost!
I’m sooooo anxious I’ve just been doing that dry heave thing. I haven’t felt this anxious since I had chemo.
Ugh this is horrible. Sure I’m not alone.x

Look at your username OP.. What does that tell you about how you see yourself?
Carry on like this and you'll end up having a nervous breakdown.
It's time to put yourself firs, stop pandering to everyone and let your partner's negativity stay where it belongs...he owns it. You don't.
When I was with someone similar to your partner I eventually found my voice through anger.
Sheer, bloody rage actually.
And though never of the violent variety, I used to let rip verbally astonishing both him and myself!
Find your voice. Stop being nice.
Own it Op.
Own it.

Pallasthena, oh yeah. You have a point!
Thanks, I’ve got into the habit of making myself small to not get in the way. Very not good!
Thanks for the boost everyone.
Now I know it’s not me.

Sorry guys, need a handhold. It feels like he catastrophises, dumps it all on me. We are in a crap situation my anxiety though roof. Feel powerless and naive and stupid and don’t know what to do. At all.