I can't grieve

[cantgrieve]

I don't know how to grieve for somebody I can't say goodbye to
I'm irritable at the slightest little thing
Crying doesn't help, nothing helps
I can't believe they aren't there any more, that their body has gone, all I have left of them is a carrier bag of bits and pieces
Everywhere I look all the talk is about death and dying

I have no advice, but wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss.

Do you want to tell us about this person and why they meant so much to you?

They were everything, my roots, my belonging, my memories, they meant more to me than anybody except my children, though that wasn't always obvious. I miss them. How can they be gone and just have left this horrible void. Aibu to feel like this when many people can't grieve and are coping ? I should woman up.

I’m so sorry for your loss, it sounds like they were a very special person. Grieving is hard at anytime, but it must feel impossible for you right now.

Aibu to feel like this when many people can't grieve and are coping?

You’re sad because you’re missing someone special, not because you aren’t coping. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, it’s good to be able to share it though.

YANBU & I'm so sorry OP

First of all, hugs for you at this awful time. I lost my dad a few weeks ago and I was in the same position, couldn’t say goodbye. I was the only person at his funeral.
It’s 3 weeks on and every time I properly think about it it hits me in the same way it did when we were told they couldn’t save him, I haven’t been able to move on at all. When I don’t think about it I’m able to go about my life as though nothing has happened. I think it’s because I can’t associate the abstract thought of him no longer being here with the physicality of it. I haven’t seen it and therefore it’s not true.
I am holding on to the thought that once this is over and I can see my family again I will be able to start processing it and grieving properly.
No-one is ‘coping’ and you are not alone. We just have to get through one day at a time. Go for long walks. Busy yourself with your children but also when you feel the emotion building up, find time to be alone and let it out.
I am truly sorry for your loss x

My dad is dying alone in a care home, hundreds of miles away. It’s so painful. I can only offer you my utmost sympathy and hope that gradually the good memories out-crowd these intrusive thoughts.

It's awful OP. Going through the same here. We at least got to have a funeral, albeit not a normal one and it still doesn't seem real. No advice, just sympathy.

OP this is really sad to read. But please do be kind to yourself. Grief is such a personal and unpredictable thing at the best of times, but at the moment it’s going to be an experience like nothing we have ever expected. In a normal situation, we can have some comfort from the fact that the world keeps turning and everything carries on. This just isn’t the case at the moment.

This person sounds so important to you. You say you have children, how are they doing in all of this?

Grief is an strange thing and doesn't follow a pattern although you can expect denial, anger, depression and acceptance. Normal grief takes about two years but what Covid19 is going to do to normal grief is anyone's guess. One thing a funeral does is provide a ritual that marks the end of one narrative - life with the beloved and starts the beginning of a new narrative - life without the beloved. If you can't attend a funeral can you do something that fills that gap where the ritual should have been. What that looks like is up to you and it might be limited by travel but could you write or scrapbook the story of your time together. Maybe light a candle, say your thanks and regrets and hopes for the future. Pray if you have any faith. Perhaps plan to go to a special place and leave something there, a stone with a word painted on it or something else. Rituals are important and without them grief can be left flapping in the wind. It is harder work to make them up yourself but even planting a tree so that you have somewhere to go to remember might help.