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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hire a sleep consultant?

27 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 19/04/2020 19:28

To clarify it is for my baby, not me.

She feeds to sleep and I really struggle to put her in her cot and for her to nap. I love feeding her to sleep but it's just not practical if I cant then put her down and do anything. Its stressing me out as I have no time and often a very grumpy overtired baby. I have spoken to a sleep consultant who has said they can help and I'm really excited and hopeful!

When i told some friends today during a video chat (whilst holding a very irritable child who hadn't slept again) they laughed and said surely I was joking and winding them up?!

Is it that ridiculous? I'm questioning myself now but think if I was struggling with something at work and needed support and training, I would go on a course. This is sort of the same but more important.

OP posts:
Fandoozle1 · 19/04/2020 19:31

How old is your little one, OP?

Tessie87 · 19/04/2020 19:35

What have you tried so far? Sleep consultants often charge a lot of money to give advice you can access online for free. I too fed my eldest to sleep and used to worry no end...he's now 19 months old and falls asleep on his own. My four month old co-sleeps and is fed to sleep but soon I will start the process of helping him to fall asleep more independently. It can be so frustrating but please remember a sleep consultant doesn't know your baby.

hoorayforharoldlloyd · 19/04/2020 19:40

My baby isn't a great sleeper either. If you can afford the sleep consultant and can afford to cope if it doesn't work, then try it. I know one person who had great success with one and one person who had a night nanny. For a. Few nights as her child. Woke every 45 minutes and that also helped. (not available at the moment, sadly!). It may well be people don't tell you when it doesn't work though, due to embarassment?

Go for it if you can afford to not worry about the money. And sod people who laugh at other people's struggles.

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 19/04/2020 19:40

She is nearly 1. Night time isnt that bad, other than the 4am wake up call, it's the days I struggle with getting her down.

She is charging £260 and doing a personalised plan and 8 weeks of remote support.

I looked online and have tried all sorts of things but nothing worked and she ended up scared of her bedroom and started crying and screaming everytime we went in. I only tried CIO once and I only lasted half an hour so definitely dont want to try that again.

OP posts:
VisionQuest · 19/04/2020 19:44

Do you BF?

Tessie87 · 19/04/2020 19:46

I downloaded a book by Lucy Wolfe called The Baby Sleep Solution which gave some great advice about supporting baby rather than letting them cry it out. Like you I can't bear to do it so this really helped us! I really sympathise with you, sleep is one of the most agonising parts of being a parent when they're young. Like a PP said, if you can afford the £260 and you feel you've exhausted other avenues then go for it but just be aware it may include some CIO methods, depending on who you consult with. I agree it's unpleasant that your friends laughed at you, not what you need at all!

feelingsicknow · 19/04/2020 19:52

YANBU. I hired one when DS was 6 months for very similar reasons. In fact, my initial email to them was entitled "Help me!" which shows how desperate I was.

She was marvellous. Did phone call session first and once we'd tried some of that she came and did 3 nights with us (campbed in the nursery) and gave us a written report each morning with a couple of follow up phone calls.

It saved my sanity.

If you can afford it then what the hell, do it. I've also tried Lucy Wolf as mentioned previously and she has good tips but it just didn't work for us (particularly getting him to nap in his cot during the day). I spent about 8 weeks at the 4-5 month stage driving up and down the M3 three times a day to ensure he would get enough daytime sleep.
That petrol cost more than the sleep consultant!!!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 19/04/2020 20:11

I got two. One shit and one good. To me the good one was worth every penny, my baby was waking up every 90 min and I was so tired I felt like I was actually going crazy, I just couldn't function. It really changed everything when my baby started sleeping again.

Things to look out for -

  • positive reviews from independent third parties. I had a look at our local parents face book page and a few people had asked for recommendations for sleep consultants, and the good one I chose had had a lot of recommendations
  • what does support actually look like? The bad one said I could email her but she took a few days to reply. The good one replied to whatsapps within an hour and mostly immediately. Made a huge amount of difference when you were following the plan and it didn't quite work to have someone telling you what to do next.
  • what happens if it just doesn't work, if you can demonstrate you've followed advice and after a certain amount of time eg 4 weeks it hasn't made any difference? The bad one kept tweaking the original plan that didnt work, the good one said if troubleshooting didnt make any difference she would give me half my money back but that it had never not worked.

Be aware that it is likely to be something that you can figure out for yourself or google yourself - they wont have any magic solutions or tricks otherwise they would be millionaires. What you are basically paying for is support when you apply common sense

Clem90 · 19/04/2020 20:31

Just chill mama on Instagram has online courses for £30, worth a look before you spend a lot.

Cdstjooyv · 19/04/2020 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clem90 · 19/04/2020 20:33

Sorry just realised I got an introductory offer, course is £45 now. It worked for us so I would recommend.

Boshmama · 19/04/2020 20:41

I'd recommend Kerry secker from care it out. She's breastfeeding friendly and won't let your baby get distressed

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 19/04/2020 20:43

Thank you so much for your responses!

@feelingsicknow I have also spent a fortune driving around and sitting freezing in laybys as she has finally drifted off! I'm so glad it's not just me!

@OoohTheStatsDontLie thank you so much for all your advice! I know I could probably get all the info she will tell me online or from other sources but it's the support I need more than anything and I'm tired of trying things that dont work.

Fingers crossed she works for us!

OP posts:
Queenjam · 19/04/2020 20:44

Do it! I looked into this when dd was 12 months but people told me it was a waste of money. DD is now 20 months still BF to sleep and waking every 45mins :( @feelingsicknow could you DM me the name of the ones that you tried please I am desparate and looking into them at the moment.

peanutbutterandfluff · 19/04/2020 20:45

Also used Just Chill Mama online course. Worked a treat on my then 8 month old who was a bad napper bad sleeper and bad eater.

But YANBU, I was going to spend that kind of cash if the course didn’t work

sor3 · 19/04/2020 20:47

We have a 21 month old who hasn't slept through in her life, we keep debating a sleep consultant, so if anyone has any recommendations, can I be DM?

burritofan · 19/04/2020 20:48

Second Boshmama's recommendation – Kerry Secker has loads of free tips online, too. I've just done her bedtime ecourse and we've gone from feeding to sleep to DD falling asleep on my lap within the week, no tears, and doing cot naps. Next step is falling asleep in the cot. The course and all her stuff is very much go gently, no crying, support your baby, but the payoff is it takes time.

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 19/04/2020 20:48

@Cdstjooyv I will have a look at Huckleberry, thanks!

OP posts:
Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 19/04/2020 20:52

I used Rebecca Michi, she offers cheaper, general courses as well as more expensive personalised ones. Honestly it saved my sanity and gave me my life back. I have actual just joined her FB page again as I'm having some problems with my second baby now. There are loads of free tips and advice there as well which is worth checking.
No one else knows what your experience is so don't let other people tell you it's the wrong thing to do. Honestly, lack of sleep just sucks all the joy out of your life. I hope you find some answers soon!

Original poster
Rosebyanothername19 · 19/04/2020 21:00

I feel so much better now! Maybe my friends will think differently when they have children and have no sleep for months. I might even reccomend the sleep consultant if it works! Haha!

OP posts:
Himawarigirl · 19/04/2020 21:08

Honestly, just do it. If you can afford it, it's the best money we ever spent. Of course there is loads online and books aplenty, but no time to read books and SO much online, much of it contradictory, it is overwhelming and much of it making you feel as if you have already made so many mistakes it is too late. If you have found someone you can afford and who you have confidence in, perhaps with a personal recommendation, then do it. I admit, it's something I always feel funny admitting to people. Feels so ridiculous that I couldn't sort it out myself, but there it is and I know loads of people who have used one.

Undercoverdetective · 19/04/2020 21:39

If you do decide to use a sleep consultant it's a good idea to use one that is a member if the International Association of Child Sleep Consultants.

Franticbutterfly · 20/04/2020 00:52

My breastfed baby never slept, I didn't realise until dd3 that they slept badly because I drank loads of caffeinated tea! They were wired. I don't know why they don't make this more clear to breastfeeding mums.

Smithlets80 · 20/04/2020 09:32

I used the Little Ones app and it has been fantastic for us.

feelingsicknow · 27/04/2020 19:57

OP - are you still looking for suggestions? I didn't see that you'd tagged me. Happy to send you the place I used but don't know how to DM you? Do I have to do it on the desktop site? I'm using the app....

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