AIBU to be really struggling?

[Whycantibeapuppy]

I know there are people on much much worse positions right now, struggling more than myself. I feel stupid and selfish for even being sad about it. I’ve come to the realisation during lockdown than I am the friend people come to when their stressed, sad, down, lonely, angry. BUT since lockdown I have not had a single message Checking how I am, I’ve sent loads, nobody seems to care at all. I don’t think other than my partner at home I have a single person caring how I am. I’ve had loads of calls and messages from friends when they need to offload but as soon as their done it goes silent for days, usually leaving my call unanswered or my last message unread.

I am struggling with loneliness. My mental health has always been an issue and I feel I am bordering on a relapse right now. AIBU to think those that I am there for should be there for me too?

Well of course you’re not BU to want love and support from your friends. But maybe you need to be more explicit about asking for it?

No you’re not being unreasonable at all.
It is hard when you are the one that looks out for others and don’t get the same back.
I’m in a similar position I text/message/call people regularly to make sure they are ok. I’ve sent little gifts and cards I’ve listened to what a hard time people are having and I’ve been supportive and sympathetic then came off the call thinking but what about me?
It’s shit and you deserve better, you really do.

You could be me.

It certainly has made me evaluate some friendships

You might want to seek out support groups and get with a new group of friends.

Thank you all for your replies, I have been very close to thinking that if nobody obviously cares about me then what is the point. I’ve been there before and it scares me that I may be heading there again. I definitely think it’s time to re-evaluate the relationships in my life, friends and family.

I feel the same op. I feel like I’m the one who always initiates the contact, but I can’t be bothered anymore. If people want me they know where I am.

I totally feel the same. I constantly check in and worry about my friends. And I don’t feel I get it back. Everyone is in different situations but at this moment I am pregnant with my first baby and have expected some friends to care or ask how I am. They don’t? And if they ask and I say I feel anxious they just disappear. A few girls who I have seen through their dramas for months / years

Wondering if I should call them out. Or not worth it?

@Whycantibeapuppy if you can feel yourself sliding do you think you could call your gp? Better to start reacting now. I’ve been there and I know how hard it is to reach out for help when things start going south, but honestly there is a point and you deserve support and help.
Talk to us here if you like to? How have you been managing? How are you?

Hello to everyone o this thread who may be struggling. I hope you are feeling better now OP and bave found aome strategies to help. I am so up and down at the moment but it does help to know I am.not alone in feeling this way.

What are people hoping to get done today?

I read your post OP and really feel for you.

You said that your friends call or message you too offload. That sounds as if they contact you to talk when they need too.
Why don't you do the same? You don't need to wait to be asked when it comes to your friends.

Maybe after doing this it will make them realise that you are not coping too well and it might make them more inclined to ask. Instead of just assuming you are fine because you never say otherwise.

Thanks all. I do try and get in touch with them and my calls don’t get answered. My messages left unread for days and days until they message me but my message gets ignored and they start a whole new conversation about themselves. It’s like I haven’t said anything but I’ve really really tried. I’m trying to get an appointment with my gp but not been successful so far

You sound like a kind and supportive friend. I think we can all be a bit 'stiff upper lip' but maybe if you called/messages the ones who rely on you, they wouldn't have thought to ask but would be completely happy to listen? Maybe try to schedule a time for a call so they're not busy etc. It's so hard, I hope you're doing ok

Wishing you the best