Isababel · 14/09/2007 17:32
I think that you are right in being annoyed, I would be furious with my mother or any near relative who accepted such an invitation (the problem in it is not that they have been invited but that they are happy to go when the premise that their DD/sister/etc is not welcome. IMO it is like siding up with the enemy).
Perhaps is about time to spill the beans and tell your own version of the events? or is it better to not take that route?
flyingmum · 14/09/2007 18:05
I don't understand the 'sent the invoice for while we were together' bit. It makes it seem very dodgy. for what was he invoicing? Did you and he buy some expensive stuff together? Could this possibly be from where the ill feeling comes from - he thinks you fleeced him somehow (I'm sure you didn't). It all sounds like he's bonkers. I would be highly pissed off with my immediate family whatever the situation for not being supportive. I presume they knew HE finished with YOU for no apparant reason.
If he is such a con man then at some point he may well tell one lie too many about something and the truth will out.
Glad your happy with new chap.
bran · 14/09/2007 18:17
I think it's shocking that your family would take his side. I can't understand how anyone could do that to their child/sibling. Even if I thought that my db had behaved abominably to a girlfriend (and he never would) I would try to make him see sense, but I wouldn't get pally with the girlfriend and reject him.
I would write a letter to your immediate family (don't worry about the wider family, who cares what they think).
In the letter I would say that you don't know what ex has been telling them, and you don't want to know. You are sad that they are shunning you as you love them very much but you can only assume that ex has been telling some persuasive lies. Then give them a synopsis of what happened with the break up, including how many months later you met your current partner.
Don't slag off ex, just say that you can see he must have been very hurt by the split and that's why he is behaving as he is. Take the moral high ground and let them think it over for a bit.
I think it's very important not to get into a slagging match about how awful your ex was/is as it's undignified and makes you seem a bitch.
flyingmum · 17/09/2007 18:12
He sounds an uber shit. Well done you for throwing the invoice away. I'd have done something really childish like invoiced him for cooking, cleaning, etc.
See what you mean by Christmas. Is it worth going on holiday? emigrating? Developing a contagious mystery illness?
catsmother · 17/09/2007 18:34
Uber shit ???
Well ..... yes, but uber bonkers too. What a smarmy, revolting creep he sounds.
Time spent with you at weekends FFS ..... did you hold a gun to his shitty little head ? ..... hmm, thought not.
Ditto "compensation" for relationship not working out. Is he some sort of bloody psycho ? 100s of 1000s of relationships crash and burn all the time. That's life. What's so extraordinarily "special" about him that presumably you should have fallen at his feet with unbounded gratitude for his showing an interest in you ?
Seriously - he sounds mentally unhinged. The ultra-controlling type who cannot bear rejection ...... yet he was the one who finished it. No doubt in his warped pea-brain, you somehow "drove" him to it. Ah diddums.
The way he's been behaving is nasty and spiteful (as if you need telling). I am so sorry that your family have chosen to side with such a creep - it must be astonishingly hurtful for them to believe the word of someone who has treated you so shabbily (and, IMO, with a worrying amount of "obsession"). I really do sympathise because I endured a very brief marriage with someone who treated me appallingly, who was a consummate liar, and who effectively stole a relatively large sum of money from me (and my son) with his lies. Thankfully, my family weren't taken in but this scum lowlife shit then proceeded to lie through his teeth during our divorce (not even exaggerations or stretching the truth, but blatant lies, things which had never happened) and, I presume he said much the same to so-called mutual friends who I never once heard from again.
It's a horrid, horrid position to be in when you're the subject of cruel lies and when you've done absolutely nothing wrong. I am fortunate enough now, more than 7 years on, to never have anything to do with the shit (I can't call him anything else but that, other than the 'c' word) but am horrified that after a similarly long period of 5 years you are still having to cope with his spiteful influence in various ways. It seems extremely unhealthy to me and though I'd hate to scare you (and hope you'd never have any need for this), I'd be inclined to keep a diary of what's been going on should you ever need to approach the police about his behaviour ....
.... I say that because there is no logical reason for this "man" to still have it in for you after so many years, to be making some sort of "point" about the brief relationship you once had with him so long ago. I mean, who thinks about their ex from 5 years past ? I just hope he doesn't step up what seems to be a "campaign" of nastiness .... hence my suggestion of writing all this down, with an eye to protecting yourself legally if you ever have to.
I agree with Bran's suggestion of writing a fairly neutrally worded letter to your family ... maybe to whoever you've been closest to in the past. That's what I don't understand about this either - not only why your family are siding with him but why they don't think it's extremely odd for him to still be bothering to slag you off after all this time. I hope that at least one of them has the decency to reply honestly to you and give you some peace of mind. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing - take the dignified route and retain the moral high ground - but depending on what he's said, be prepared to perhaps get a slating in return (they've been blinkered enough to believe him so far without even discussing it with you). At that point though, I'd be inclined to tell them the truth of the matter.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.