To have told my friend to get a grip?

[strawberryFizzyDrink]

I have a friend, who always seems to feel sorry for himself due to his failed marriage and divorce 20 years ago.

We were talking (messaging) and he started talking (yet again) about how his ex wife betrayed him by finding another man and leaving him, resulting in the end of their marriage. That women are deadly and femme fatales. And how he feels his life is a failure because he didn't get married once and stay with her forever blah blah blah.

He has remarried and has a second wife, I told him he needs to get a grip and should be over his ex wife after 20 years . And I'm bored of listening to him feeling sorry for himself all the time . Was I a bitch?

Argh. I worked with a woman like this once. She had this whole brutal story about how her husband had left her for his secretary. I felt really sad for her even though she was incredibly lazy and stole things from my desk. Among other things. Every day she would moan on and on about it with such bitterness as if the affair had only just come to light. Then one day I discovered this happened about 20 years before... like your guy, OP. I was flabbergasted. What a waste of a life. Mind you, my parents separated about 30 years ago. No affair that I’m aware of yet neither of them can let the bitterness go either.

No. You were very blunt and honest but lord knows, he needs that - or a lobotomy. What a tosser. His poor second wife

No- and if I was his wife I would be LIVID he was still so hung up on his ex.
What an utter wanker. How disrespectful to his current wife

Why are you friends with such a sexist arsehole?

Reverse?

of course you weren't a bitch he needed telling he's being daft after all this time. and remarried too i'd be totally pissed off if i was his wife.

Agree with PP's that it's hugely disrespectful to his current wife. It sounds like he's not really interested in her. I think you did the right thing shutting him down, he needs to get over himself and focus on the here and now...starting by appreciating his current wife.

what kind of friendship is this when you have intimate chats about his long gone ex wife?

That to me seems odd.

Are you an ex of his?

Why is he using you to offload?

It seems rather odd dynamics.

Are you the first wife ? Or a former significant other?

You weren't being a little bit of a bitch
He sounds like a tit who needed telling.
I feel for his second wife being the also ran.

His poor second wife being married to such a twat.

Couldn't be listening to that twaddle.

If he is married now, how does his theory that women are femme fatales, stack up? Is he waiting for his 2nd wife to leave him or is he looking for some 'sympathy' from you?

No I am not an ex. Not sure why he is using me to offload, maybe lockdown boredness but I get the feeling he doesn't have many friends and has always been socially awkward.

I think I would tell him to seek counselling if he is still not over the break up and feels bitter and cynical and a failure. It's not your place to be his confidente and if his wife finds out she may get the wrong end of the stick.

If he genuinely needs help, he can pay a professional.

No he sounds like an Incel who doesn't love his current wife

My god 20 years ago- he needs to build a bridge and get the f**k over it!
They'd ridiculous.
Another one who feels sorry for his current wife!

People need therapy. I have friends who offload to me all the time too. It just goes round and round, and I'm not a professional, so I can't actually do anything except listen.

I've had therapy, counselling and I go to support groups too. I do this because I don't want to burden the people in my life with listening to my problems. I wish that others would get professional help so that they can actually move forward with their lives.