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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What to do

39 replies

Coldemort · 18/04/2020 22:42

I'll try and be brief so apologies if I miss anything out.
I'm late 30's and live on my own. Severe mental health problems in the past that have resulted in 2x hospital admissions for suicide attempts. Have been much better the last few years, however with the current situation plus I hate HATE my job and relapsing quite speedily.
My parents are worried, the want me to go and stay with them for a couple of days. Obviously this isn't great, and against all advice, but I'm quite scared st the place my head is taking me at the moment.
Theyve also told me to quit my job and they'll cover my mortgage for a couple of months. Again I really want to do this, but who knows when I'll be able to get a job again- it may well be more than a few months.
Every bit of me wants to go along with there suggestion and stay with them for a while, but it's really not a good idea is it?

OP posts:

DianaT1969 · 18/04/2020 23:46

Start looking for a new job OP and you may start to feel more positive because you know there's light ahead. Not sure what type of finance you are in, but some sectors will be busy after this. Liuidations and company restructuring, for example. Can you get a flatmate into your place to help cover your mortgage while you stay with your parents? Obviously not now, but when lockdown lifts?
Do whatever it takes to feel well. You are the priority here.

PolloDePrimavera · 18/04/2020 23:50

You poor thing. One step at a time OP: go to your parents and work there, see how you cope with it.
How far off two years are you? Could you grin and bear it for that long? They do sound bloody awful though.

OldGranvilleHouse · 18/04/2020 23:50

What you say about your employers monitoring your work sounds horrendous. I’d definitely agree with the PPs who’ve suggested sick leave - after all, you are ill at the moment. You can self-cert for the first week (maybe even longer at the moment - I think I read this somewhere?) and you can give whatever reason you want during this time. I’d be tempted, however, just to be truthful with the reason you’re off.

There’s so much more focus on MH at the moment and, in any case, it would be against the law to sack/make you redundant because of mental ill health. I know they’re unlikely to come out and say that, but they need to give you some sort of believable and appropriate reason otherwise you’d potentially have a case against them.

First thing’s first, though......... get yourself to your parents’ house, self-cert next week and then have a think about what you’re going to do after that.

rooboo1 · 18/04/2020 23:52

Sorry you're having a tough time,do you have a Mental health worker you can reach out to ASAP to let them know how you're feeling and to get some advice and help.

Wynston · 19/04/2020 00:00

A little stop gap! We had some work done on our house last year nothing major but I wanted to keep the dc out of the way so we had a night at my parents. I ended up having a major wobble about returning home and my parents looked after us for 2weeks.......was such a nice feeling being home and looked after.

Frozenfan2019 · 19/04/2020 00:00

Op this has really struck a chord with me because I know what it's like to hate hate your job! I am a mum and I can tell you that I would 100% do this for my child if they felt like you. I would do it in a heartbeat. Please take their offer, quit your job and go to be with them. Sort yourself out mentally over time and then you can concentrate on repaying them either financially or emotionally. To be honest they will probably be happy with the repayment of knowing you are happy

They love you more than anything else in the world. The risk to theirs and your.health.is low and your circumstances are significant because of your mental health, you can travel for health reasons and personally I think this qualifies.

Cherrychops100 · 19/04/2020 00:03

Don't have any advice really, just support and a little hand hold. Just know that this will pass, it doesn't seem like it ever will and that is probably the last thing you want to hear. But you WILL get through this, you CAN get through this, I've attempted suicide twice and you never ever think it's going to get better, but it does, I still battle with thoughts however it has gotten better. Even if it's just by 1%, just know that it will get better x

andratuttobene · 19/04/2020 08:45

I think you should go to your parents and keep working for now. The extra support might make you feel more able to cope with work. Take it a day at a time, and change one thing at a time.

DysonFury · 19/04/2020 08:56

Go to your parents and apply for ESA? Can you get signed off sick with stress or anxiety now to buy a bit of thinking time and breathing space?

HandfulOfDust · 19/04/2020 09:00

I hate people ignoring lockdown rules but if it's necessary for your health of course you should do it.

clarepetal · 19/04/2020 17:26

Totally take your parents up on it, and I hope you feel better soon xx

Outtedagain · 19/04/2020 18:32

Go to your parents. Rent you house, use the income until ready to work.

Original poster

Coldemort · 23/04/2020 23:09

If anyone still up...
I didn't go, I thought I'll just take it a day at a time. Well the inevitable has happened, I've made a mistake that's likely to blow up tomorrow. I've text my dad but he's not answering.
I'm alternating between crying and being sick. In the scheme of things it's not a huge mistake, it's an email I didn't answer. But I'm so anxious it's making me sick.
I thought about emailing in sick to work - doing it early so I dont have to speak to anyone. But I've got stuff outstanding which I could probably get done if I stay up tonight and draft everything so I can send it out early and not 3am...
That's what I should be doing now but I'm just frozen.

OP posts:

gingerfreckles · 23/04/2020 23:25

Hi there...
I just started reading your thread and admittedly skipped to the end to see the latest post take some deep breaths and perhaps have some water to gather yourself.

I've been in your situation before and one day at work I just emptied my draw and never went back. It probably saved my life.

Can you travel to your parents in the morning? Pack a few bits now so that you'll be ready and then send the emails that you need to and try and get some sleep.

You don't have to wait for your dad to get back to you. If they have offered to help you in the way you have said they will not care if you turn up on the doorstep.

Take this time in lockdown to be looked after by your family. You will feel so much better for it and in a few days rethink about what you want to do.

Good luck.

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