AIBU to go back to work

[keepitupbuttercup]

Hi all,

Currently on mat leave and had planned to go back when bean was 6 mo. This changed due to a job merger and I still haven't gone back yet.
Whilst I've been off the company has released new positions which is basically doing the same as my job was before the merge and as a manager. I applied for it and hopefully will hear back next week.
AIBU for even debating going back to work with a child. He will probably be 10/11 months if I get the job. I feel terrible. I look at all these other mums who have gone back and I look up to them but if I think about it I regard myself as a terrible human who should not be abandoning her child to work. This isn't helped by my mum who every time I mention it says well if you're happy to abandon him...
This may be for nothing. The chances of me getting the job are 50/50. We can live on my partners earnings so I don't have to go back but we will literally be living with £50 to spare each month so not like we are flushed with money although I appreciate we are more fortunate than some.
I am in my very early 20s and just don't know what to do.
AIBU?

I’d definitely go back. £50 a month isn’t a lot as a safety net.

I’d always advise everyone to keep their individual earning power. No relationship is guaranteed and being able to self support is important.

A working role model is also good for children imo.

well if you're happy to abandon him...

Does your mum also say this to your partner?

OP you are not abandoning your child and your mother should not being saying this at all. Always keep your earning power if you can as things can change very quickly - protect yourself.

I went back to work when mine were around that age, they were fine and we have a great relationship.

well if you're happy to abandon him

Does she often emotionally manipulate into doing things her way? Surely this is for you and DP to decide. You will not be abandoning your DS if you return to work, you would (possibly) be gaining a managerial position, that may not be there if you wait, furthering your career and earning extra income.

100% go back to work if you want to. Working and being a mum can be tough but so rewarding.
My DH works part time and I work full time. I’ve gone back just over a month ago and DS is 6 months old tomorrow. I hope he sees me as a strong woman who provided for the family as much as I also loved him and gave him my attention when I was home

I went back to work full time when my child was 6 months old. She was totally fine.

I'd say you should go back and build a career. You're going to be relatively young when your son is old enough to need you less and a solid base could let you continue to build your career. If you don't go back, starting from scratch when your DS is older will be harder.

Go back to work.

Make a more permanent decision in 6/12 months whatever but for now go back.

You are not abandoning you are working.

It has taken some time to realise but I do think my mum is manipulative in lots of ways.
For example we both have iPhones. If I don't let her 'follow' my location I get shouted at and bothered relentlessly. If I do let her follow it she constantly has a go for me going out and about (obviously before we started lockdown etc). I don't live at home anymore and haven't since 18.
She wants me to have an evening and weekend job to work around DP and therefore bring up my child without 'abandoning' him. Myself and DP don't want that at all so it's become a stand off situation. I do love her but she is trying.

I would go back. Your mother is being completely ridiculous! You wouldn't be abandoning your son at all.

If you go back to work, you will be in the workplace, keeping your skills up to date and gaining new ones. It sounds like it would be a step up for you as well which is great. You will be able to pay into a pension if you wish and you will be bringing money to the family. Initially, you may be paying for childcare but it's not forever. Then the extra will be a bonus for your family.

I would always encourage any woman to have her own income if that's possible.

I went back when my son was around 10 months old and he was and is totally fine. He enjoyed nursery and preschool and started school without a hitch.

Good luck- I hope you get the position.

As much as everyone hates this is she from a generation who stayed home? My mum can be similar but I believe in going out to work. Stop blaming. You do know better! Why are you even listening??

@Sometimeswinning yes she was a SAHM until we were both in secondary school.
I don't know why I listen to her. I guess we were very very close when I was little and on some level I don't want to upset her.
I realise it's ridiculous and I need to get a grip but it's helpful knowing I am doing the right thing.

I agree, you should ignore her. It sounds like you aren’t married and are 100% relying upon DP’s earnings so this will leave you in a very vulnerable position if DP loses his job or you two split up.

It is ridiculous particularly as you and your partner do not agree with her.

Honestly the best thing you could do is laugh at her. It’s ridiculous you are an adult. Oh and block her from tracking your location.

When she moans laugh or tell her to be quiet and treat you as the adult you are.

I know a lot of people like your mum: essentially, by choosing to work, she sees you as criticizing her decision to stay at home when you were little. People like that are just projecting and can't see past the end of their own insecurities.

Tell your mum to knock it off of you will be withdrawing more and more from the relationship if she can't be supportive or zip it.

do what works best for you and your family.

I'd go back. £50 isn't enough of a safety net.
You know what is best for you and your family. What your mum wants or thinks is irrelevant. You can still have a close bond with your son working.

@keepitupbuttercup tbf this sounds the exact same situation as me. I spend so much time trying to get her approval. She often makes comments regarding my extra hours at the moment. She says her piece. I laugh it off and we carry on chatting. I need to work for money and my independence. Dh is great but I dont want to rely on him for money.

You’re not married? Not wealthy?

Then it’d be a v bad plan not to return to work FT.

OP I think you need to try to be very strong and not let your mother manipulate you when it comes to choices about your child/ family, otherwise she will be doing this throughout the whole of your child’s upbringing.
You and your husband are the ones who can decide what is best for your family. You need to set a precedent now otherwise she will be trying to run the show for years to come. This is your time, not hers.

Sorry, partner, not husband 😊

I went back to work when dd (2) was 3 months. It’s done her no harm and it’s been good for me. I’m a better person for working. I wouldn’t want to be fully reliant on dh either.