Different parenting styles

[LMcmahon]

Every weekend lately my husband and i have the same argurment about "different parenting styles" I hear our child asking his father the same question over and over again and gets no resonse because he is too busy looking at his phone to even notice that his child is talking to him!

My husband says he is trying to teach him independant play and wont jump to his every wim like i do. I call it lazy parenting and he just cant be bothered to respond to his own child.

How do you get around different parenting styles? (Or what i call, one hands on parent, and one lazy parent)

Talk about it and reach a compromise.

Independent play is good and you don't need to constantly engage with them. Equally you do need to put your phone down and talk to them and engage with them sometimes. Meet halfway.

That would annoy me very much. I would tell him clearly that he has to at least respond by "no, daddy is busy".
In general we would have a discussion and reach some middle ground, allowing potentially different responses between us.

People glued to their phones who have little children really annoy me. He is being lazy OP.

thats not different parental styles thats pure ignorance and rudeness

no matter how old a person is they deserve to be responded to when they talk to someone

All your husband is teaching him, is how to be extremely rude, with no manners, by virtue of the sterling example being shown him.

That isn't a parenting style, it isn't parenting at all.

I don’t like the idea of him ‘supervising independant play’ while engrossed in his phone. That doesn’t teach your son anything other than it’s okay to prioritise screens over people.

Having said that, however, my DH never lets DS have a minute alone / play independantly and as I am the main carer at the moment (maternity leave plus breastfeeding) it inevitably leads to DS getting overstimulated and clinging to me when he inevitably gets too wound up. When DH isn’t there and DS is allowed to play independantly he’s definitely a lot happier.

Really depends. You get both extremes. Those who totally ignore their kids when the kids are desperate for a bit of attention, asking questions that are pertinent and never get any from one parent.

Then you have the parents who respond all day long to their kids when the kids don't really gave anything to ask but love to have an adult giving them attention whenever they want it. The constant 'mum, mum, mum' and the constant 'yes darling, what is it'

Surely there is a middle ground between 'jumping to his every whim' and 'completely ignoring'?

Personally I think kids copy how they see parents act so if he carries on like this, will he be happy with his tween kid completely blanking him when he comes home from school to teach him that he needs space to decompress after a school day? Or would he prefer it if he told his dad 'I've had a hard day and I'm tired, I just need half an hour to myself and then we can chat'. I think your husband is being rude not saying to your son that he is in the middle of something and he will speak to him or play with him in 10 minutes or when the timer goes off or something

It's also not a very effective lesson if he doesnt explain what's happening, all your son will think is that his dad cant be bothered to speak to him, he wont understand why

This is very interesting - I never knew being glued to your phone was classed as a ‘parenting style’. Maybe that’s why you see so many parents doing it? There was me thinking they just couldn’t be arsed to talk or play with their kids at that point in time.

I don't think being glued to your phone is a parenting style. I'd find it irritating if DH didn't respond to me because he was staring at his phone. Surely DH can have some down time where he can stare at his phone uninterrupted but also some family time where he puts his phone down and actually interacts.

You could try completely ignoring him when he asks you to do something for him, or find something for him, and then when he asks why, you could say you're trying to teach him to function independently as an adult. . .

We listen to one another and compromise.

Your DH doesn't sound like he wants to listen to you or compromise, so it's not as easy as asking "what do others do" - it doesn't help you one bit.

DH and I have different priorities at times - there are moments I have to say to him to switch off his phone and engage with the DC, or to stop working and just spend some time with them - he runs a company so whilst he's home through lockdown, he still works long hours. He's a good Dad, and an even better DH, though, so he takes it on board and I'm sure he would pick me up in the same way if he thought it was needed. Sometimes life gets in the way but an open and direct conversation shouldn't be met with blind refusal on either side.

I think you’re both right and both wrong. He’s right you don’t have to constantly engage them, but your right he should get off his phone and be more present.

It is just lazy and it’s an argument we have frequently. How old is your son? My husband tends to me much more engaged out of the house or in the garden. We’ve both got a tendency to overuse our phones but I’ve found his best chats are with my daughter on their walks. Could you get your husband to take your son out?

I’m all for independent play but mine tends to do it the most when she’s happy and confident. At the moment, lockdown is unsettling for lots of children and I’ve found my 3 year old is much more needy than normal. It may well be affecting your son quite a bit if he needs more attention but is getting nothing from his dad.