To want my nearly 7 year old twins to play independently

[LongGinShortTonic]

I am fed up to my back teeth with the constant whinging cry of ‘but what can we doooooo’

All they really want to do is watch shit tv or fight each other. Or us.

They are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves. We have games, books, toys, paper and pens. They help with the cooking and household chores, they get some tv time, they play beautifully together about once a week, we play with them, we have family and alone time with them.

Yet the moment DH or I want to do something (like read the paper!) there’s endless cries of ‘We’re boooooored’ and ‘There’s nothing to dooooo’.

I get it. I do. Life is difficult at the moment and they’re missing school, their friends and activities.

But why oh why can’t they just PLAY NICELY? Why do we need to be involved in EVERYTHING? They are so lucky to have each other, and things to do, yet there seems to be zero appreciation for it.

I’m thinking of self isolating for a fortnight in the attic just to get some peace.

AIBU to think they should be entertaining themselves more?

Mine are adults now but when it was school holidays and we had no money for day trips, I use to break the days into 2 hour slots.

So for example... 8 till 10
Breakfast, tidying, getting ready, all at a leisurely pace.

10 till 12... walk, park or feed the ducks.
Outside play in the garden.

12 till 2 ... lunch, board games , cards, ect

2 till 4 .... kids choose the activity, craft, game , sport , whatever they want.

4 till 6 ..... movie or tech time , while I prep dinner and potter.

6 till 8 .... dinner, bath, reading ect

It worked for me breaking the day into more managed chunks.

We realised that essentially we need to structure the weekend days in a similar way to week days at the moment. Then they know what to expect. Eg today, involved craft activities in the morning: lunch: an hour of quiet tv after lunch: then family daily exercise: back for snack and then they are expected to play before dinner.

They know when I’m available for play and when not. And I really try and actually be involved in whatever imaginary game during the active play time

Have you thought about building in to the weekly structure a create your own activity session?
It teaches them to learn the skill of how to entertain themselves but it's done in the guise of structured activity so they see it as a job to work on rather than now where they just see the whole day stretching in front of them with no learned skill to fill it (even though they actually do know how to but they can't quite grasp it yet)

The jar idea is a good idea and you can get them to help put ideas on the sticks and allow them to use it if they can't think of an idea in the create your own activity session and at weekends.

The results in the long run should hopefully be that when they are left to their own devices in future they won't be so paralysed or just plain unmotivated.

I have told them DH will play with them from 2.30 until 3. Until then they have to entertain themselves.

The house is silent and they were last seen under one of their beds talking about unicorns and seahorses.

I am not, repeat not, going to find out what they are up to!

I do really play with them when I'm with them, but I can't be 'on' all the time - it's just draining.

I do love them to bits. We don't have any video games or kindles or anything, they can have the TV or iPad after 4pm, and they are allowed to watch an episode each on weekend mornings before breakfast.

DH seems to think they should exist in some kind of Enid Blyton idyll, I'm a bit more realistic!

Write a list of all the things they can do with what’s in the house that can be done without your involvement and have them refer to it when they ask. Make it a challenge that they need to try and do it all.

Proud owner of seven year old twins and a nine year old here. I think you're doing amazingly!

Mine have a constant diet of Netflix and iPads and still need me there all the time!

I do the no screens, entertain yourselves until xx:xx approach. They don't often come back whinging of boredom because I'll suggest useful things like tidying their bedrooms

I offer mine extra homework or weeding the garden if they complain of boredom.

Op,
I feel your pain I have a 7&5 year old boys and they are constantly arguing, fighting, winding each other up. It was so bad we had a no device rule yesterday. And you know what?? Hardly any shouting arguing etc.

We go a tent out in the garden and they had a great day. But this morning already 7 year old started playing on the pad and 5 year old desperate for me to play with his super hero's and villains. I haven't even finished my coffee 😭

I think the "it's 9am now so you're going to go and play till 10am and then we will be together" usually works well.

You have to leave them to it, don't go wandering upstairs and getting involved unless they are killing each other! Don't suggest stuff let them find something out.

Try this: every time they tell you they are bored, give them a chore to do. This was the only thing that ever worked with my two. Sometimes they would choose the chore then I knew they truly needed help finding something to do.

I had only one and what I found worked was a treasure hunt, though I can’t remember what age DS was. I’d write out some age-appropriate clues then hide little somethings eg pieces of Lego, round the house. Extra reward if he inadvertently found something that had been lost for ages

Mine are not twins but close in age, what l found works is as soon as they say lm bored they get given a 15 minute boring task, tidy room/ organise toys/ if they complain again they were told. You have a choice 30 minutes of ( boring task)
Or play without disturbing me/ Dh, it’s up to you..

When I was young, if I complained I was bored, I was made to Hoover the lounge, or sweep the kitchen, or another household task. At 7, yes they should be able to play on their own, but are probably conditioned to think that adults need to tell them what to do. It’s something they will only figure out on their own. When they say they are bored, say: “ok, well you can go in the garden and make up a game to play, or you can tidy your books and toys. Your choice.”

It works wonders to force imagination!

Mine are 3 and 7. I have to split them up for time apart every afternoon and it works well. If I try and get them to watch a film together you'd think a ferocious lion had jumped in there - all the screaming and fighting.

It's hard for everyone and I do lots of bribing with ice lollies and devices, and random cheap toy crap coming off Amazon (I'm so against that usually). Otherwise I'd never get a second as a LP and I'd end up a sobbing mess on the floor.

I saw a couple of websites recommended on here the other day - I haven't looked at them myself but sometimes you just need that one idea. We have an only of about the same age and have been saved by a tree in the corner of the garden. She climbs it and 'plays' with the children next door (they're all getting great voice projection...) I've also realised if I put her on a video call with kids her age, they're quite inventive with playing over the video. Needs must.
whatshallwedo.co.uk/
www.boredgames.club/

This is the one time I agree with my Mother's approach. If me or my sister said we were bored, she'd say, 'well, I've got plenty of little jobs you can do if you can't think of anything else....'

Amazingly, we would usually think of something else - or we'd get down with the idea of cleaning out a cupboard or polishing the cutlery, or sorting through the shed. There's lots of jobs 7 year olds can do that are useful but also non-essential.

When they complain always set them something mundane and onerous, they can learn that they are better off thinking of their own fun

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Swift and firm punishment if one of them clobbers the other, they’ll soon learn not to do it. Our first couple of weeks were like this but DH and I were both trying to work so we just couldn’t indulge them. They’ve gotten much better with a bit of pratice We do have to put all the furniture back as den making etc is a favourite.

We do divide and conquer sometimes - 5 year old DS is happy to play with his playmobil whereas his 7 year old sister doesn’t do that, so she can do crafty stuff then.

You’ve provided them with toys and things to do. You’ve given them a safe environment. Anything else is up to them.

Have a reading competition, give them a list of books they have to read in the week, each time they complete one they put a marble, counter, lolly stick in a jar, a prize at the end of the week for the child with most.

Hide something in the house or garden that they have to find. You could do this with clues like a treasure hunt or just have them search (make a few rules like it won't be in a drawer of cupboard).

If you husband wants 'Enid Blyton' children get him to make a picnic and leave clues in the garden to a mystery they have to solve.

Depending on your garden give them a small patch of land (or it could be a plastic box with soil/compost) get them to plan their own garden, research what they can grow, order seeds and let them tend their garden. Peas grow quickly as does cress - that you can also grow inside.

Matchbox game - give them a matchbox each and send them into the garden, the winner is the one with the most things in the box.

Get a pocket microscope (or two, you can get them for about £5.00) and again send them into the garden.

Can they make a den with sheets in the house? All kids love a den! Put books, torches, small toys in it. Maybe have two dens, one for each child.

I had a similar problem with my child of a similar age and I found that a "timetable" or list of things to do really helped him (but he loves structure). We sat down and wrote out a list of things he wanted/needed to do that day. He put forward most of the suggestions and I bulked it out, and most of it was play related things (play on xbox, read, TV for an hour) but some of it was more boring like put toys away, do a bit to help out, exercise, homework. He then spent most of the day getting through the list and ticking them off!
Just a suggestion.

Give them a small bag each, they each have to find some very small stones something pink or blue (favourite colours), a small plant, a small piece of tin foil, a few small sticks. Beads, glitter. (sorry ex childminder and couldn't resist)
If they cannot find all these things let them colour in on odd bits of paper. They need green blue maybe brown, red, white (or paint them but not on the same piece)
This will take them a while to do all of this.
Draw them a frog, a crown, trees, toadstools or get them to do this it's fine if they both want the same colours you can never have too many.
Finally give them a large piece of paper between them and tell them with all their things they can now make a fairy garden. If necessary lightly draw a place for things to go but they will probably want to do it themselves. Let them stick the bits on. (foil is usually for the pond but they may find another use.)
When you get a chance buy some cress seeds. They put tissue or cotton wool into a plastic cup or small pot which they have carefully painted (so this splits this activity into two bits) tip in their seeds and pour water on it. Put in window sill.
(I have a ton of small pots if anyone wants them).
Yoghurt pots or similar can be used to paint funny faces on then you have indoor skittles.
Give them a little bag each with a mixture of craft things in pom poms, pipe cleaners, cardboard, pots, googly eyes if you have any. Little boxes ask them to make a monster or a robot.
If you have a washing up bowl they could make small paper boats and float them (if you have straws they can blow through them and race their boats.
Very important teach them to clear up all the lovely mess they have made while you have a coffee.

I find if I want help with chores the best way is to forbid DD from helping...

At 7 they're used to being occupied by a teacher for the biggest part of their day. Spending playtime with friends and running round playing games invented with them. Even 7 yrs olds run out of ideas.