Ask for help coping with work stress

[newbiee]

Firstly I'm so sorry to moan about my job when many have lost theirs but I really need advice on managing my new workload and stress especially when working from home.

My company has recently furloughed about half the staff including my manager and our team admin assistant. I'm now left on my own managing all my previous tasks and projects, all my bosses jobs and completing all admin myself. My boss is pretty senior to me - it's not like it's just a step up from my role - and it's impossible, I'm totally out of my depth and I'm making mistakes. I'd just finished a big project last week and was happy it was over. But this week client has flagged some pretty big mistakes with it. I feel embarrassed that I've messed up and so stressed about the time it will take to fix (if it's even fixable at this stage). Plus I know I've made the same mistakes in another project I'm working on. My new manager (my managers boss) has been good about it but I can tell he's a bit pissed off. The client is really unhappy. They're a pretty difficult client anyway and this has just made it all so much worse. I'm hoping my past track record will hold up but I can't help thinking about disappointing colleagues.

I started the lock down pretty positive but now I have no routine, I'm barely sleeping or eating. All I think about is work, and because I'm working from home it's like I can't escape! I go to bed around 2am, toss and turn, then get up around 7 and just sit in bed working all day it's ridiculous. I know I need to find time for myself but all I can think about is work.

I need the weekend to destress and recharge so I can be prepared for next week's but I'm so full of anxiety I really can't relax. I feel bad complaining at the moment but does anyone have coping strategies or just some words of wisdom? My head's a bit of a mess right now, I feel exhausted and I know all I need is a good talking to but being isolated has got me so wrapped up in my own head.

You need to tell them that you are not managing because the work si too much and above pay grade. The boss should know that though.

Hello @newbiee oh dear you do sound rather stressed. So it would seem they've furloughed the higher salaried ones and retained the lower to do all the work? Sounds about right.

First of all I suggest you take the weekend off and do not, under any circumstances switch that pc on. Secondly, write it down, just write down all the things you want to say. Write down the issues you are having and how you feel they can be resolved. Take some time to clear your head. You do not need a good talking to, they are being very unfair. That's Saturday morning taken care of. The rest of the weekend is yours to relax, pamper yourself and de-stress.

When you get to Sunday night, look over the notes you've made, see if your brain functions a bit better now that you've had a rest. Likely you'll see it all a bit clearer. I think you are still doing to have far too much work to do but you'll be able to realise it without it being so upsetting. From there, redo your list and see where you are. At that point you need to consider speaking to your boss.

Does any of that sound like it might help?

I'm also struggling - I don't think the difference in the work is as extreme as you, but I'm also now doing work I've never done before and finding it hard. The work is v important to senior management but the people I need to actually do things for it don't want to and have a million things that they see as more important, so I'm getting a lot of pressure (and quite a lot of hostility) from all sides. I also keep messing things up because I don't know what I don't know, and it keeps me awake at night. I'm also trying to do it all while juggling care of a toddler with DH. I've been put on this because all my previous work has been stopped as not business critical so I'm terrified I'll lose my job, all the more so if I mess this all up.

So, solidarity! Also, I went for a run today and felt a million times better so I am going to try to make time for that, hard as it is when you feel so under pressure. I'm also hoping (perhaps optimistically) that it'll help me sleep.

It's really hard to know when to say you need help, isn't it? I find I can only spot where I went wrong in hindsight - again, that 'didn't know what I didn't know' thing. I'm trying to not beat myself up about things I can't change and I hope you can do the same - it's very hard, though!

Hello @TARSCOUT

Thanks so much for your response! That is a great idea, it's exactly what I need to do, just get everything out of my head so I can clear some space. I know that having a written all down will help, I just feel so overwhelmed when I think about all the things I need to do hah. And I can definitely talk to my boss, he's an understanding guy, I think it's just about finding the right words. I don't want to fail at anything, but at the same time I really can't do 3 people's jobs.

@OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow

Definitely, I know that but now just doesn't seem like the time to complaining.

Hello @LisaSimpsonsbff
I could have written that myself - although it's not the best circumstances, it is nice to know other's are in the same boat, thanks for sharing your experiences :)
You've got a good point with the running idea, I do need to get back outside for sure as well. I agree I need to not beat myself up, everyone's going through a hard time and we're all trying our hardest.

I wouldn't think of it as complaining, OP. I am frankly surprised that the management which is left is doing nothing!

When you have time, I recommend You don't mess with Zohan to take your mind of things for two hours

You're definitely right! I've just got to find the time and place to bring it all up, it never feels like there's time. And thanks for the recommendation, a good film will definitely take my mind off everything

It will never feel like a right time, but honestly, the earlier it gets sorted, the better for all parties included. I would absolutely do what @TARSCOUT wrote. And maybe do a draft of an email to the management.
Good luck!

My goodness, your situation sounds really difficult. And I imagine that the last few weeks have also added a long list of re-planning, re-budgeting, BCP initiatives.

You need to put a meeting on your boss's calendar for Monday or Tuesday. Prepare by writing an agenda and talking points. Discuss from point of view of being concerned about business output and impact on clients.

Its really important that you speak up, for everyone's sake.

Best of luck.

Well @newbie and @lisasimpsonbff sounds like you'll be a good support for each other. Good luck folks, take it easy and remember to stop and breathe! 😀

I am in a similar situation newbie. Joined a new client account at the beginning of the lockdown and it's been hellish from day 1. Working 16 hour days across weekdays and weekends. No acknowledgement of the work being delivered and constant intimidation and bullying by the client stakeholder. I need to calm myself down before every meeting with him and have constant anxiety. Tried escalating this to my boss who has asked me to just ride out the coming few months till this chaos is over. Not sure if mental health will hold on till then though

@FirmlyRooted that's exactly it. The work itself, whilst long and tricky, I can do. It's the additional responsibilities I'm struggling with, overseeing budgets, managing more senior expectations client side etc. Its just a super steep learning curve and this isn't the best time to be doing it!

@Halfling ah gosh that sounds horrible, the lack of acknowledgement is hard to deal with too, especially when you're putting in all the work. Today I'm going to put together a proper daily routine to stick too and a plan for fun activities next week (movie night, run, soak in the tub etc) to try and manage my mental health and get out of my head a bit. Hopefully you have some support from colleagues, although I know it's much harder now we're mostly all at home

How are you doing, newbiee - are you any closer to talking about it with your boss? I had a horrific day - realised I'd made a big, embarrassing mistake and got upset about it, and also got told off for being behind schedule on something - so feeling really shit. Going for a run to try and get it out of my head for a bit!

Wishing you all the best OP. I have similar. Started job just before lockdown, totally unrealistic expectations. Told my boss so aswell, but she doesn't seem to understand.

Heya @LisaSimpsonsbff :) So yes I did have a quick chat with my manager. He has taken some higher level client stuff off my plate which whilst it doesn't reduce my workload that much, it does take a load of pressure off which is great. As PP advised I made my list, and today was able to just work through it and prioritise. I delegated some work to a colleague as my manager advised and definitely feel things are more manageable.

I'm sorry about today, that doesn't sound great at all. I totally know that horrible feeling in your gut when you figure out your mistake. Are you getting support from anyone at work? I reached out to an older colleague on a totally different team last week and we set up a weekly virtual coffee meet to just catch up. It's exactly what we would have done in the office - you know have a little moan in the kitchen - and has been great to have a vent with someone not close to my projects as she offers a different perspective. Could that be something you try?

I did really work on my routine this weekend as well. And this morning I definitely felt a lot more positive going into work, it's amazing what eating and sleeping will do for your mood hah. Given the current situation, I think it's so easy to get caught up in work and the time you're taking out to go on a run is wonderful! Are you able to try doing anything creative perhaps as well? I did some knitting at the weekend which just took my mind off everything even for only a few hours. Best of luck with it all, just remember it is just a job and we will get through it together :) x

Hey @Oblomov20 - I'm sorry to hear that, I know exactly how you're feeling. Is there anyone else you work with who you can reach out to instead of your boss?

I agree it's the unrealistic expectations that are the worse. I'm feeling that things are more manageable this week. But I'm also so worried when this is all over, senior leadership will normalise this level of work, a bit like after the last recession, and have us working like this into the future.

I would definitely advise reading the advice in this thread. I'm still working super hard, but definitely feels more manageable now and Ive sorted out things in my head if that makes sense? Best of luck, do reach out if you want to chat. I've been going mad in my head the last week, and just having the advice here and from some friends/colleagues I've reached out to has really calmed me.

Great to hear it's better!