I hate the idea of marriage for financial reasons

[Polly90x]

Does anyone really not like the concept of marriage based solely on a dislike of the idea that finances would be legally ‘shared’? Obviously I know people have separate bank accounts within a marriage but the idea that this could be split upon divorce scares me. I actually have no money but have started to live frugally to try and save some, and hate the idea that If I got married or even bought a property with someone by pooling our resources, I’d lose control of my finances a bit. I also understand sometimes it’s beneficial i.e where one person has given up work for childcare, but aside from that... anyone else dislike the concept of resources legally being shared? I really think when I’ve saved for a deposit for a house I want it in my own name only

@happymummy12345 that's not what the op was talking about though. She didn't say she hates the idea of marriage that takes place for financial reasons (though she probably does, as do many people); she has financial reasons for hating the idea of marriage.

I got married because of this. I met DH in school and never pursued a career, because his job required him to travel all over the world and we never stayed anywhere longer than 6-12months until i had my first child.
I was working here and there, but never got to keep a job long and progress.

@merryhouse you can have a prenup drawn up in the UK.

Big tax benefits when one partner dies.
BIL proposed to sister on that basis.

The entire point of marriage is the legal contract. It makes zero sense to say that you don't like that aspect of marriage, it is marriage.

The fact that we have a ceremony laden with religious and/or emotional meaning around the concept of marriage does not change this. If you want the ceremony without the contract, then you need to find some other way of achieving this.

What SnuggyBuggy said. The great thing is that you have a choice.

If you want joint finances get married, if you don't, then don't get married. Simple.

We must not muddy the waters by assuming that if people cohabit for however long they should be treated as married. Very bad idea.

I’m with you, OP. No way would I ever get married (and I’ve been asked twice and said no both times). I’ve always been the higher earner in any relationship since I was in my early 20s and it’s only now in my 40s that I earn less than my DP since I retrained as a teacher. But I still have a greater asset base than him - my own house which will be paid off in 8 years and a rental flat which is doing that paying off for me. I also have both a civil service and teachers’ pension as well as a private one from working in the legal sector.

I have seen friends and family (parents included) go through the most awful financial battles, losing almost everything and ending up hating the person they once wanted to spend the rest of their lives with.

Also, probably helps that I am a cantankerous old cowbag who runs out of patience with people rapidly and who is incredibly hard to live with...

Yanbu for feeling that.

So don't get married.

It's a legal contract and if the terms of it don't suit you you don't have to do it.

However for many women who are going to have children with their partners it's a very sensible, if not essential, contract to enter in to.

YANBU, I only plan on marrying if the desire to produce some offspring kicks in. Here's hoping it doesn't. I really really value my independence and freedom.

I’d like to see pre nups become legal in the UK. I’m all for marriage but I do think it’s wrong that existing assets and assets/money earned by one person only should be shared. It can be very one sided.

Yep marriage only benefits the poorer person in the relationship.

If you are a sole homeowner then marriage isn’t a good idea.

Earn and hold onto your own assets.

Agree totally. Im divorced and managed to escape without forking out any of my money to my financially profligate ex.

I’m the higher earner in my current relationship but this pays for a better quality of life for us both (and my kids). Which I’m happy to pay as it benefits us all. There is no way I’m getting into a situation where if we split up then I need to pay him. Not a chance.