Child going to his dad

[mildlymiffed]

Help me out here.

DS and me have been isolating now for approx 4 weeks... like the rest of the UK. In that time he hasn't gone to his dad. In part this is because his dad's gf was pregnant, so we were shielding her, and then she had the baby 2 weeks ago. Now home from hospital.

Ds talks to dad on FaceTime every day, sometimes twice a day. Dad has dropped off some stuff on doorstep, and talks to ds from pavement.

ExH is now requesting that we resume normal childcare arrangements. I don't feel comfortable with this. None of us are "high risk", but given that I'm a single parent- if I were ill at home the thought of caring for myself and ds (10) makes me quite anxious.

I've offered that ds can go to exH for three weeks straight if that is preferable. But obviously exH is reluctant to do this with newborn baby.

I just don't get the logic. I can't pop round to my mates for dinner- regardless of whether they've been self isolating or not, so why is it okay for ds to houseswap? I get that this is a father-son thing, but surely this is about common sense.

However in this altered sense of reality, not sure if i should give my head a wobble, and just resume normal contact.

I'm wfh, so I'm okay caring for my son at home.

AIBU to just push back and say no? We're not divorced so don't have a formal access arrangement in place.

Children are allowed to move between homes. We’ve maintained the same pattern we’ve always had. We’re both low risk, both working from home and both obeying the rules.

If you were ill at home with your ds and not needing hospitalisation, you would cope fine. He’s 10 and presuming no additional needs, is old enough to put a readymade meal / pizza in the microwave. Or cook some fish fingers in the oven etc.

Well done OP for coming round. I was reading your post and thinking how lovely it is to read on MN about a dad who is actively involved with their child even though he's an ex and I'm glad you've remembered that and agreed to go with more contact.

Yeah you were being massively unreasonable but glad you know that now.

Helpful @shinyredbus really helpful.

Good for you OP. It's such a stressful time especially as a parent. My DH suffers with health anxiety and it's a real issue at the moment, every cough/sneeze/sniffle is plaguing him. Hope you manage to get to a plan that works for all of you

Brill response OP
Good luck

Good decision OP

I didn't let DS go last week - his Dad was still working ( in a role that makes social distancing very difficult) and DS and I are both Asthmatics. It probably would have been ok, but I wanted us to be as safe as possible. His Dad has since been furloughed and is at home, so I'll probably be more comfortable to send him next time