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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What should I do?

6 replies

sravani0 · 16/04/2020 23:55

Hello beautiful people out there.
Here I'm! Writing an another thread going on in my life.
I was in a relationship with a guy from a different religion (islam) for last two and half years. I'm an hindu. So my relationship with him was complicated because of many factors. He was never expressive nor positive about our future. We finally came to an understanding that our marriage is not going to be accepted by our families hence we got separated with mutual understanding. It was going hard for both of us for 1 month after breakup. Then he started calling me texting me saying it's really hard to stay away and he is not liking this. He was asking me to be with him in present and says lets not worry about the future now. Here is the thing. If i have to marry him i need to change my religion and leave everything behind which i am not ready to do. He never forced me but he concluded that without me converting into islam he can't marry me. Even if i convert i wanted him to understand me and allow me to live my life the way i want when i am with him since I'm not that into beliefs and all. Everything was not okay for us. Considering all these facts we brokeup. But now he is asking me to find a way to be together. He is trying to avoid future topic and concentrating on being together now. He is now expressing his love and making an effort to put his feelings infront me which he never usually do. For 1 month I had a tough time but then I made up my mind and decided to move on.
Here started the drama. I have a male close friend and he is a very good frnd of mine. He likes me since many years and even told me that he loves me. Now he became too close to me that we text daily. Now he says he is serious about me and want to take this further to marriage. He is a good person. But I don't have that feelings on him. I always look at him as a good frnd only. The thing is he dont know abt my relationship since we never used to discuss abt it much. We rarely used to talk. But we share a good bond. Now I'm not confused.but I'm in a state of mind that I don't know how to deal with this situation. Sometimes I feel like stop talking to both of them. And sometimes I feel like stop talking to my bf as it is not going to work out anyway and continue my frndshp with my frnd and see where it goes. I don't wanna take a wrong step. Thats why I'm here sharing this with you all.

OP posts:
MT2017 · 17/04/2020 00:22

Neither are right for you.

Move on.

DollyDally · 17/04/2020 00:32

It sounds really confusing, but you have said that if you go back with your first boyfriend then you are giving up things that you love and you already chose not to do that.

You have said you don’t have those feelings towards the other guy so probably best not to complicate matters.

user1473878824 · 17/04/2020 03:26

Neither of them sound right for you OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2020 03:58

Give your head a wobble and run like hell from both of them.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/04/2020 04:03

First one is a no, for reasons you already know. In all honesty I can see him being with you "for the now" right up until he meets a woman who his family approve of. He will marry her and within a couple of months probably be back on the phone to you...... Dont go there.

Second one seems too full on. OK so in time you could develop feelings for him, but given that he has declared his love and said he wants to marry you without you even saying that you want to date him, he is too much too soon...... Dont go there either.

Delete and block both.

Ineedabreak19 · 17/04/2020 04:03

Block both of their numbers and move on.
Also, spend some time on your own figuring out want from your life rather than pleasing a man. Have a look at the online freedom programme, it will help you assert boundaries in future relationships.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

With regards to conversion to Islam, if you don't belive in God as an absolute with no partner and that Muhammad is his final messenger then you're not a Muslim. You can say the words just for marriage but technically you're not a Muslim. That is what you need to say to this guy, you come from a very different religious background. There is no way that you can easily leave your beliefs behind without sincere conviction. You should only convert for the love of the faith not because of a man.

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