Ok I know I am but

[Whoatethechocorange]

Some ppl may recognise this and I'm ready for the backlash.
9 months ago I started a 'thing' with an ex who happens to be my oldest DS dad. After splitting with my H of 2 years. I did listen to all the advice and did call it all off. But .... he cried and came to my house and I was very weak and gave in.
I know it's not right and as much as I deserve it, don't need to hear we all told you that.. duh!! I know and I get it it I'm.asking you guys to help me one last time to get out without bejngva complete heartless bitch x

What is it exactly that you need help with?

Sorry, I don’t know your backstory.
We’re you in a toxic relationship with him before.
Has Mumsnet told you to LTB but you just can’t?

To end the 'thing' with my ex. It's got totally out of hand and now I can't see a way out x

Well you're both single

What's the problem ?

I haven't seen your backstory either, so apologies for asking questions. What are the barriers to ending the thing with your ex? What's stopping you from telling him it's over? (I don't mean that rhetorically, I know there are many things that can stop people ending a relationship).

Are you living together? Are you pregnant? (I know you already have a child together but these two impact how easy it’ll be to end this.)

He left me 3 months pregnant at 18. We both moved on married other kids etc.
Had couple flings over the 25 years and that all I thought this was. No he's professing love and cantblive without me... blah blah. I have been swept away as he was my first everything and I dontvwant to hurt him... how can i end it without being really horrible x

So you are worried about the impact it will have on his mental wellbeing if you leave - that's what's stopping you?

Apologies for not being very clear it's such a complicated story tried to be brief

Pelleas yes that's exactly it.. ive agreed with things he's said and got swept along in the romance of being with my first but it's not what I want and j feel shit that I've gone along with rather than being stronger

Again, I haven't seen your backstory so I am assuming you are not in physical danger from this man (if you are, just get out and don't worry about anything else).

Firstly, you need to accept that you are not obliged to stay with him because he says he 'can't live without you'. The continuation of a relationship because one party feels sorry for the other will end up being damaging to you both. You don't need to feel guilty about ending things.

Secondly, the kindest thing to do is to be straightforward with him - don't give false hope or let him drag things out.

Thirdly, what he will need is his own support network - his own friends and family - so encourage him to turn to those people for support if he says he 'can't live without you'.

Finally, try to make the break as clean as you can in the circumstances. The less contact you have with him - including on social media - the sooner he will get over you.

Thank you... that's all very very helpful. I have said things as I tried to make being with him right and I know that was really wrong. I know I've created this situation. And I know he's gonna be embarrassed with his exwife as she hated him being with me. It's just such a mess of my creating x

If this is not something you want then you need to be upfront and honest with him. The longer you leave it the harder it will be. I was in the same situation. My ex and myself broke up and we then got back together mainly because he was being sweet and romantic but after a while I realised it felt all wrong and was honest about it. He was hurt, yes, but he's now married and happy and I'm happy. I made the best decision for both of us.

Yes your right ... I have to be honestbeith him... and he is doing everything to make this work and I feel so terrible saying I love you back when i know i dont love him they way he thinks he feels x

It's not all of your making - as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. There's no point in trying to assign blame - whatever the origins of the relationship might be, they don't change the fact that it isn't working and you are doing the right and responsible thing by ending it.

His relationship with his ex-wife isn't your problem, so put it out of your mind.

You see it as a mess so the best thing you can do is draw a very thick line under it, regard it as over and start again without being hampered by regrets and worries about a man who is an adult and must take responsibility for his own wellbeing.

Thank you honestly been so so helpful. Thank you x