To be so pathetic?

[Tillygetsit]

We have 3 dc 8 and under and recently lost dc4 at 4 hours old. My dh is an arborist and is going back to work tomorrow. He has to. Apparently there are trees needing his attention more than us.
I'm on meds for anxiety and depression and have started phone counselling once a week during lockdown. I've become very reluctant about going outside so dh is walking dogs and taking dc out.
He has explained our situation to his boss but unless I'm on a vulnerable persons list he must go in tomorrow.
I know there are many in worse situations than me but I'm very very low and am dreading tomorrow.
I'm being pathetic aren't I?

You aren’t being pathetic, you’ve gone through the worst time and it’s no wonder you’re feeling down and worried. Please don’t give yourself a hard time. I’m sorry I don’t have any other advice and I’m so sorry for your loss x

Yadnbu! I am so sorry for your loss

Can your DH take annual leave?

He will be grieving too and probably doesn't know what to do for the best.

Have you told him you need him at home?

Must be so tough for you.

Oh of course not being pathetic. So sorry for your loss . Would it help to make a vague plan tomorrow? Will the kids cope with not going out if you feel you can’t manage? Maybe you can build up to that. Have you some easy activities that could occupy, maybe rely a lot on tv and just ease into the fear of the situation as kindly on yourself as you can.

I'm sorry for your loss.
If you find you can't cope after a few days can he say he has a sore throat and isolate.
I know it is wrong but under the circumstances you need him more, his employer is being unreasonable.

Oh sweetheart, of course you aren't. You've been through something no mother should. I struggle with my mental health. Atm my anxiety is very bad. Please be kinder to yourself.

having all these will help

Thank you. Dh feels bad for going back but I think it will do him good tbh.
I've just set up the kitchen table for potato prints tomorrow. Then I'll try a film. Dh home about 4 so I am being wimpy!

Of course you're bot being pathetic! You're struggling (as most people would be in your position!) and that's ok.

Your husband may well need to go back to work but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel shit about it.

Potato prints sound highly functional, not wimpy! More than I can manage and not dealing with what you are. You’re amazing, honestly.

You're not at all wimpy. You've been through the worst bereavement now stuck indoors during a pandemic. It is really tough. Give it a go it might do you both good to be distracted a little. I'm sorry again I can't begin to understand how hard things are for you. Take great care.

Jesus. I'm so sorry for your loss and the way you feel now. Your husbands boss clearly has no idea how this would impact on your family. I expect your husband is scared to lose his job at this crucial time too.
I second the suggestion of him going sick or taking leave but don't know his boss or employee status.
Please consider contacting acas or a union of he is in one.
My heart is sad for you. Sending hugs and comfort. Really hope your counsellor is good x

Oh, ignore, just saw your update. Sending best wishes for tomorrow.

YANBU, absolutely not!. Structure your days if you can, I've struggled a bit but found getting up and having a workout (Joe wicks is fab with kids), shower and dressed changes my mood for the day entirely.
You've had a tough time and I'm so sorry for your loss, just get through each day for now x

Hi OP I am just checking in to see how today to going for you. I hope you are okay.

Hello and thanks to everyone for the advice and support. Today was surprisingly good. We had fun and dh arrived home hot knackered and to the smell of baking bread so he was more surprised than me! I've had a few wobbly moments but I guess they're to be expected.
Keeping busy was the key as several pps suggested so thanks for that. Not dreading Monday so much now.

YANBU, I am so sorry for your loss . Today sounds like a good day. Take everyday as it comes and don't beat yourself up for the bad ones. Let yourself grieve and expect ups and downs

I am so sorry for your loss . So pleased to hear you had a good day. Wishing you strength for the weeks to come. You are definitely not pathetic.

You poor thing, surely something can be worked out with your partners boss, huge gentle hug.

Well done, you!

Be gentle with yourself OP.

Well done a huge step, little ones first hugs.

@Tillygetsit I am really pleased today went okay for you.