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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DS to school next week.

74 replies

Lalalalalalalalaland · 16/04/2020 21:58

Really unsure what to do!

DS is 6 and has severe ASD and attends a special school. We have 2 Neuro typical DDs.

For info we pulled our children a week before schools shut because of Coronavirus, none of us are classed as at risk though DS does have sleep apnoea.

Today the head of his special school has phoned and offered for DS to go to school next tuesday and Thursday, she said she was only extending the offer to a dozen families who they considered would benefit most (DS was preciously on a child in need plan due to us struggling to cope with some very severe behaviour and his dad having a breakdown nearly 3 years ago, he has been off the plan for 2 years)

I am torn, we are struggling, he is not getting any of his usual sensory diet and would really benefit from this, however I don't want to put our family or the school staffs family at risk.

Head said max 5 people in the room. But will most likely just be DS and 2 staff members, possibly another child if their parents accept.

Class has its own playground and equipment and lunch will be a packed lunch from home eaten in the classroom. School day will finish at 3 to allow time for cleaners to deep clean.

I need to let her know by noon tomorrow but i keep flitting between taking the risk for his welfare as he is struggling to have his sensory needs met and is having increasing bad behaviour, and not wanting to risk him and the staff.

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 16/04/2020 22:31

You have been offered the place at school, send him, if it turns out not to benefit any one, no need to continue, but surely it’s worth a try?

Whatsername177 · 16/04/2020 22:33

Send him in. 100%. I'm a teacher - I'd happily go in to look after your ds and help you through this crisis. It is best for your ds. Do it. I'm in on Monday for our children of keyworkers and vulnerable children. It's the only thing I can do to help. I

Namechangedforthisreply7 · 16/04/2020 22:36

Dear god send him. It sounds beneficial to everyone. For some people and some families, lockdown is worse than the virus. School has made that decision about your child. They mean it. Send him in.

VenusTiger · 16/04/2020 22:38

I think you should be open and honest with the head and tell her exactly what you've said in your OP - and also ask if you can change your mind at any time

Cherrysoup · 16/04/2020 22:40

Send him, my love. You are entitled to send him, he’s been invited, no doubt you could do with a break although you haven’t moaned. Take advantage. I know how hard it is when routines are broken for ASD children.

Wynston · 16/04/2020 23:01

I think I would send my dc if it was offered and I was in youre position.
The thing is whether it be next week or September......even January.....there will still be a risk as there is no vaccine.
This I feel is our new normal for now and we have to take some risk and maintain some life???

Serialcatmum · 16/04/2020 23:13

Hi,

SEN teacher here. If it’s right and best for you/ your family and DS please send him into school. Please just ensure it will be what’s best as unfortunately there will most likely different staff supporting DS each day as schools are asked to put staff in a rota.
Don’t feel guilty if going to school is best for DS. We love these kids and totally want the best for them. I’m in schools I once a week and more than happy to be doing my b it and knowIng I’m supporting those that need it xx

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 16/04/2020 23:33

Teacher and parent of ASD DC here. I’d send him too - if nothing else, your DDs will benefit from being able to have a day that can focus on their needs more. Rightly, I should imagine that normal daily life needs to have his needs at the centre but it will do them - and you - good to take this offer. If it doesn’t suit after the first week then you don’t have to do it again the following week. Like other posters, I would be more than happy to support students in your son’s position ( and several of the children that I have supervised at work recently are neurodiverse and have benefited from touching base with their school environment and sensory diet).

IAmReportingYouForBBQing · 16/04/2020 23:35

I would send him in. Curious though op, why aren't you doing a sensory diet at home?

Spikeyball · 16/04/2020 23:38

Ds is going in to his special school. It has been obvious over the easter holiday that although we are coping ( just) with him, he isn't coping with the current situation and his mental health is at risk.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 16/04/2020 23:39

I would totally send him (and would bite my DD’s school’s metaphorical hand off if they offered to take her).

manicinsomniac · 16/04/2020 23:40

Yes, I would send him.

Schools are being as selective as possible about who qualifies as key worker or vulnerable.

If you have been offered the place the school must feel you really need it. Take it!

Saltycinnamon · 16/04/2020 23:41

Agreed. Send him in.

ParsnipToast · 16/04/2020 23:43

I would take it up. It sounds like he needs it. I'd take the low risk of the virus to the high risk of his mental health and yours and the whole family taking a nose dive.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 16/04/2020 23:44

I'm very in favour of social distancing and have little sympathy for people who don't take it seriously and I'd send him. This could go on a while longer and you all need to protect your mental health too. None of you are high risk. The school have obviously thought you would benefit from it so I'd take them up on it and keep up your emotional reserves too.

Mustbethewine · 16/04/2020 23:50

It sounds like the benefits of sending him outweighs the benefits of keeping him home. My DS gets extra support from the additional learning needs services which is done through the school and if there ever came a time the school thought he'd benefited more by attending a couple of days a week I would send him.

Original poster
Lalalalalalalalaland · 17/04/2020 05:29

IamreportingyouforBBqing.

We are doing a version of his sensory diet at home, however i do not have the equipment, outside space and training that the staff at his school have.

A huge part of his sensory diet is bouncing and swinging and hanging, swimming and climbing, which would be much easier if we could go to the park or had space for the big equipment but we don't. He does have a trampoline, which helps and the pool at home that he enjoys but it isn't the same

OP posts:
Casino218 · 17/04/2020 05:34

So they must think he's at risk. It's literally kids at risk of something- not sure what in his case or key workers kids to school. So is he at risk? If he's not don't send him because the staff will be at risk. You also put yourselves at risk of virus. Is he going to come to harm by not sending him? If the answer is no then I wouldn't.

Original poster
Lalalalalalalalaland · 17/04/2020 08:53

I'm not sure where I said he is at risk, vulnersble children covers children with an EHCP too.

Yes he was on a child in need plan, but his siblings were not as it wasn't about us being terrible parents but being at a point where we were getting no sleep as he would not sleep and spending every waking moment trying to stop him harming himself. The plan was the first step to us accessing some respite care.

Is he going to come to physical harm? Not from us but maybe from himself. Mental harm? He is undoubtedly more distressed than usual

OP posts:
Whatsername177 · 17/04/2020 08:55

@Casino218 'At risk' doesnt just mean at risk of harm. It covers a wide range of well being issues. The OP's dc might simply just be 'at risk' of undoing all of his progress. He didnt meet the first round of criteria which is why he wasnt in school. But the school have now invited him in. This will be because they have the facilities and have risk assessed inviting him in. We have recently invited a child whose sibling is severely autistic in to our school. There are no concerns over the family at all. But sometimes the child finds their sibling's needs overwheming. We have very low numbers coming into school so we can offer the child and family some respite.

Whatsername177 · 17/04/2020 08:57

@Lalalalalalalalaland You and your dds deserve to have two days a week respite. It is good for your son to have his routine.

Allthebubbles · 17/04/2020 09:00

My special school is offering this, the staff are on a 3 week rota, one week working/ two at home. They are aiming to use as much of the school as possible so people can be as spread out as possible.
I'm not working as my partner is vulnerable and all the staff who are working are happy to.
I know from the parents of my pupils that they are really benefiting from their 2 days and they are coping well with it being different to normal. It looks like they are having a fab time. Low key, low demand lots of sensory input etc.
I would go for it, it will give you a break.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 17/04/2020 09:04

I’ve been going into work looking after key worker children,

My experience is that robust social distancing is in place and hands are washed every hour.

Hth

regularbutpanickingabit · 17/04/2020 09:05

It sounds like this has been planned out carefully by the school and the right safety processes are built in. It also sounds like this will massively benefit both your child and the rest of you. A win win. Remember, you can review this each week and change your mind if it doesn't work but it does sound like a very sensible and helpful offer.

ZebraSpotts · 17/04/2020 09:09

hmmmm i had the same offer this week!!! I wonder if there is a directive being sent around regarding kids with echps?

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