Covid-19 rules not being followed

[Aluasen]

Caution- long post with reference to suicide.

A bit of back story so you can understand both sides of the issue; my BIL (28) has had a rough time following a break up and is mentally not coping well. To the point where he did attempt to take his life a few months ago. Since then, DH has told him he can come over anytime if he is feeling low and needs company.
He had been over a few times since then and I’ve never minded, I just like a little warning to get dressed, etc (not even going to act like I wear clothes around the house often because it’s just me and DH right now).
My BIL and myself are both key workers so both currently in work. The U.K. is currently in strict lockdown and you are not allowed to leave the house unless it is for food, work or health reasons and the majority of people are off work. My BIL is on reduced hours due to lack of need for him to be in as much. This is clearly causing him to get lonely on his off time. He has 2 young kids that don’t live with him but he still sees them but less than usual.
Since lockdown, BIL has invited himself over twice in 2 weeks. Keep in mind that his way of ‘asking’ makes it very difficult to say no. The last time he was over, we were in the back garden and when we didn’t answer the door, he went round the back and BROKE the gate to get in after pounding it so hard as we didn’t get to it in time.

Last week he invited himself over again but DH told him no finally and my BIL started spewing profanity at him and hung up. DH has not spoke to him since.
A few days later, we were in the garden again, and our neighbours (also friends of BIL and us) got a phone call off him. BIL had gone over to his sisters house, and told neighbour that we are f-ing c*nts for not allowing him over. We later found out that his sister is actually suffering from a chest infection and is immunocompromised.
Fast foreword to today. A mutual friend posted a video on Facebook of the street clapping for the NHS. However it was not his street, it was my BIL’s street. Our mutual friend was visiting my BIL, which I think is the most hypocritical thing a person can do right now.
AIBU for being so mad at this whole situation. I want to be supportive of his situation due to his mental health issues but there are laws in place for a reason.

Yanbu.

The majority of people are off work???
You lost me there I'm afraid. I only know I person (immediate friend or family) who currently can't work. Every other person I know is working from home or still actually going to work!!

People that are working from home are still working, I understand that, but there is a difference between working from home and physically going into a work place. There is a much higher risk if you are still going into a work place. I am the only person in my family still working outside of home, everyone else is furloughed and there are only 2 people still working as normal in DH's family, everyone else is furloughed there too.

@NeilTheBaby oh don’t be that twat

I dont think you are being unreasonable..he seems really immature to call you guys 'c' for not letting him come over, and breaking your gate. He should try online therapy instead of goin around to people's houses

The regulations allow people to travel to give care to a vulnerable person, so your husband can legally visit his brother to help his mental health. Personally although it does seem to be technically illegal, I don’t see what difference it makes if your BIL is the one who travels. The key is that he is a recently suicidal person who is finding lockdown and enforced isolation a strain. I would say that the biggest risk of death to any of you is likely to be his suicide, and personally I would be prioritising mitigating that risk.

And your mutual friend was certainly not acting illegally by visiting a vulnerable person - so long as it was a mental health visit, which any visit might be in the circumstances.

I think the key question is how is BIL now? Have either of you spoken to him?

It's very hard to tell how he is because he's never known how to communicate. Especially about anything emotions wise. He seems to be okay but I have no way of actually knowing for sure

Leaving the house for a medical need or to help a vulnerable person is allowed. Your BILs mental health suffering to the point of him attempting suicide would fall under this.

Yes rules are rules, but if someone in my family was suffering to the point of committing suicide, come what may I would be prioritising that.

Him calling you cunts and breaking your gate is not on though.

@user1473878824 Well said. It's funny how the phrase 'you lost me at ...' always seems to signal 'twatty comment ahead'.

The regulations allow people to travel to give care to a vulnerable person, so your husband can legally visit his brother to help his mental health. Personally although it does seem to be technically illegal, I don’t see what difference it makes if your BIL is the one who travels. The key is that he is a recently suicidal person who is finding lockdown and enforced isolation a strain. I would say that the biggest risk of death to any of you is likely to be his suicide, and personally I would be prioritising mitigating that risk.

This is exactly my thought too. The COVID rules are being followed. Your BIL is one of the allowed exceptions for mental health reasons.
On him calling you names for not allowing him over after you did offer to support him as a suicidal person by saying he can come over “anytime” so your later refusal to uphold that promise was bound to be upsetting.

Could your DH phone him each day as then he is getting support he needs?

Our son turned up unexpectedly as his prescription hasn’t come through and he needs the medication. My husband is on the same medication so they had arranged for him to get some tablets until till his is available( he had swapped to that practice because it was around the corner but they have closed it and another so everyone has to travel now and less appointments) which is today. We sat in the garden but I felt uncomfortable about it. Neighbours have been mixing with their friends on a daily basis and it has annoyed me but now I feel we are no better. On the other hand other people have walked up for a chat on the other side of the gate and stayed the same distance it just makes you feel more uncomfortable when they come to your house/ garden doesn’t it. The lack of medication made our son vulnerable and your BIL is vulnerable so I think that it is ok. Could your DH phone and explain? I would ignore the rudeness as he may be in a highly distressed state. It isn’t nice but people with mental health difficulties don’t always behave as they normally do. Could you also notify his GP and he might get some support from the team?

Maybe I should have added this in but I don't know if it was a cover or not: he said the reason he wanted to come over was to order take away because the one he likes doesn't deliver to his house. He hung up before we could even say why it wasn't okay for him to come over. I understand the food thing might have just been a cover to visit. I just didn't appreciate the way he went about it as he's been go off to mutual friends about how I'm this horrible person and I don't let DH have his family round and trying to make me seem like this cruel person, which just isn't true and I'm not even the person who said no to him.
We will try reaching out to him again now that I understand the lockdown rules a little better