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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Further to calling police thread

22 replies

Catloveisreal · 16/04/2020 18:22

Husband has returned from ow to take control of maritel home. Today he said if I went sailing on his boat he'd push me overboard and I'd go plop to the bottom of the sea. He would tell police it was an accident. My son thinks its a joke. My daughters think it's a threat. Not sure what to think.

OP posts:
puds11 · 16/04/2020 18:24

Well it’s not funny if that helps. Are you safe?

Tomoveornotomove2 · 16/04/2020 18:24

Right so

GET EVERY SHRED OF EVIDENCE ABOUT HIM OP

And next time he says that record it,

Shit bag

Get legal advice

Soubriquet · 16/04/2020 18:28

Yeah it’s joke hidden under a thinly layer threat

Shadowdoor21 · 16/04/2020 18:29

'Well considering you've just confessed that in front of witnesses if anything does happen to me, you'll go to jail for a very long time. Have fun being buggered shit-head'

I hope you tell everyone what he has being doing. Maybe you can shame him into moving out again if everyone else is looking at him in judgement.

ChrissieKeller61 · 16/04/2020 18:35

Son thinks its a joke ? well id be telling him in no certain terms it's not funny before he heads down the same path as his idiot father

lilmishap · 16/04/2020 18:41

Unless you were having a conversation about ways you would kill each other then that's a threat, It was said to cause distress and intimidate. It cannot be understood any other way because it is not open to interpretation.
Make a note somewhere of what was said and the context of it, keep a record of every fucked up thing he says.

Even if he is still butthurt about the OW dumping him that is a deliberate attempt to make you and the kids feel uncomfortable.

lilmishap · 16/04/2020 18:43

Whats your plan @Catloveisreal ? Are you in a position to divorce?

Elieza · 16/04/2020 18:49

Be careful just in case. I hope you get away from the arsehole soon. Sigh.

Nousernameforme · 16/04/2020 18:55

Honestly I would be quite worried at this point he has obviously decided his life would be better if you were dead. Now you are just hoping he doesn't follow through with it.

How secure can you make your sleeping arrangement op?

Are police aware you have a very angry man moved back in with you recently?
Is there any way either you and the children or him can go somewhere else? Police will allow you to move in these circumstances.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/04/2020 18:55

It’s at minimum an intimidatory tactic. Threats to kill are taken seriously. Don’t engage with him on it but do keep a record. If you feel unsafe at any point call 999.

Original poster
Catloveisreal · 17/04/2020 07:57

It was said in the middle of a geared discussion about his affair and how he's causing us to lose our home. He's very detached though. He said it calmly. I think he has sociopathic tendencies as he has no normal emotions just anger and utter selfishness

OP posts:
Cnoc · 17/04/2020 07:58

Why is he back in your house?

Andromeida59 · 17/04/2020 08:01

Have you considered downloading the Bright Sky app on to your phone? It looks like a typical weather app but you can log any issues with abuse and it's also got numbers to contact if needed.

SunshineCake · 17/04/2020 08:01

I think this is one of those times where you should ring 101 and tell them the situation.

Seems your son has spent too much time with his dad.

lyingwanker · 17/04/2020 08:12

There's nothing funny about what he said.

Original poster
Catloveisreal · 17/04/2020 08:25

Hi I have been to police and spoke to them again and they said he was not breaching covid 19 rules by returning. He's a completely obnoxious bully. My lawyer says sit tight til lockdown over but she doesn't know he's home yet.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 17/04/2020 18:35

Then tell her and ring your police every single time he makes any threats. You have to take this seriously until the police do.

LakieLady · 17/04/2020 18:40

Christ, this emotional abuse, surely? No way is that a joke, not in the context of thje relationship you have.

Keep a record of all this sort of thing, OP, with dates, times etc. It may come in handy if you have to take action to get him excluded from the home.

IHaveAMagicBean · 17/04/2020 19:11

Why did you let this dirt bag back into your home?
I hope you are not having sex with him!

Binglebong · 17/04/2020 21:32

He may not be breaking vivid 19 rules bit other laws haven't stopped existing. It certainly sounds like emotional abuse. Might be worth speaking to Women's Aid. And please don't downplay it, I know that is a natural instinct but it's important to be honest.

Original poster
Catloveisreal · 17/04/2020 22:06

He's sleeping outside in a caravan. Legally it seems he can be here if he wants. He's afraid to lose control of our home. The one he barely spent any time in during his 7 year affair. Maybe ow threw him out. He'd never admit that.

OP posts:
Binglebong · 28/04/2020 12:53

Have things improved at all OP?

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