to be so undisciplined (i.e. rubbish) at working from home?

[largeprintagathachristie]

When I've had the odd working from home day, pre-pandemic, I knew I faffed and procrastinated and frankly didn't put in a full day's work, but thought I would get it together under these circumstances.

I'm not. I procrastinate, don't focus, and I'm storing up work issues that will only hit me later, in fact kind of soon. It ends up ruining the whole day because as well as being a champion procrastinator, I'm kind of a perfectionist and a worrier, so it's ruining whole days and evenings. Each day I think "tomorrow will be better". It's not. This morning I've flitted from one thing to another, including going down a rabbit hole of looking at old hotmail messages and "filing" them.

I suspect whilst in the office I also wasn't working at 100% but there was something about the discipline of being there that curbed my daydreaming and displacement activity.

Weirdly, I'm thought of as being very good at my job and I suspect I'm going under the radar enough because I can pull it off, and I can wing it. But this is causing me stress. It reminds me of being a university student and only starting an essay the night before it was due. Unless pushed I've always been terrible at completing or sticking with stuff. Even exercise - now that my paid-for yoga classes in a studio are off, I haven't once done anything with all of the online material available, even though for health reasons I really really need to do this.

There's an adult ADHD thread at the moment which I've read with interest. Not self-diagnosing at all but a few things resonated. I've lost things, always, spectacularly, as a child and adult. Keys, cameras, wallets, bags, you name it. I can come across as a bit (very) scatterbrained in my personal life. Intelligent but sort of spectacularly dumb many practical ways. I've always wondered how on earth I hold down a job.

A couple of weeks ago I tried setting a timer for 45 minutes and making myself focus on a work task for that long, and it helped. Then a 10 minute break. I know all the theory but I can't seem to even apply it at the moment. I wake up in the middle of the night and worry.

As I started reading your post, OP, I immediately wondered if it was ADHD related, as the symptoms you describe are precisely what we’ve been going through with DS, 17.

Most people procrastinate and faff to one degree or another (I’m dreadful for it!), but the way you describe your emotions around it is what made the connection for me.

DS has all of these tendencies but it’s not just the usual teenage displacement, disorganisation or laziness (though it took us a while to recognise that). He’s genuinely distressed by his inability to focus. He knows he’s self sabotaging when he doesn’t do the work he needs to do, and he hates himself for it. It causes him enormous anxiety, and affects his mood and self esteem.

He’s been diagnosed very late because he’s always been extremely clever at finding ways of coping with and disguising his symptoms - he’s just reached a point academically where it’s no longer possible to blag his way through. Which may be what you’re able to do in the more structured environment of an office, but it’s very difficult to manage all on your own at home.

Do you think it might be worth getting tested? All I know is that it’s made the world of difference to my son. He’s got medication now for use as and when he needs it, and it’s changed everything - he’s so much happier and more in control, and no longer has those feelings you describe of being a ‘faker’, flying under the radar and fooling everyone into thinking you’re good at stuff just because you can. It’s a really stressful way to live, and I feel awful that we didn’t realise sooner how much he was struggling.

I feel ya! I'm doing online training for my job and can't study for more than an hour without having to go and do something else for ten minutes as my brain gets too full and I start daydreaming. Having short breaks keeps you focused. At work, there are colleagues and people to have a chat by the water cooler with, at home it's just you and your computer (notwithstanding kids and spouses if applicable). I think you probably are very good at your job and might have a dose of imposter syndrome (thinking "I'm not good enough, I'll be exposed for being a fraud and everyone will see my mistakes and realise I'm crap"). I have borderline personality disorder and anxiety and have had minor daily panic attacks about my performance at work, and even when my director tells me I'm doing a good job, I still worry. My point is basically try not to beat yourself up, if you are by the skin of your teeth getting your work done, the end justifies the means!

I am also the Queen of Procrastination if I allow myself- so take it from someone who’s been at the end of a procrastination snowball, you need to get it together. Today.

Get a list of what needs done. Prioritise it.

Every day, you need to set yourself targets. You can go off for a coffee for 10 minutes once you’ve got X & Y done etc.

Can you be flexible with the time of day you work? I found that I was semi proactive in the morning, useless in the afternoon, but did my best work in the evening (coupled with the fact that less people emailed me back) so a few days a week, with employers permission, I worked a split day. Meetings / calls I needed to do in the AM. Afternoon off to relax / do life admin / hobby, and then worked from 5pm - 9pm (sometimes more).

You need to work with this before you find yourself in a less than ideal situation, because if your employer cottons on it’ll be a massive breach of trust and trust me the consequences and potential micromanagement that may result will be really stressful!

@Janicejaniceahmfallin

whats the medication, out of interest|? How does it make a difference?

Me too. I have a diagnosis of ADHD, and have just decided to go on SSP rather then try to work from home and deal with the stress and worry of not getting it done (and I only get paid for the hours I log). I am in the shielded group so can do this. Will have little to live on but my mental health can’t handle the worry of failing to work at home.

No deadlines, no structure, very little interaction (apart from online meetings where I feel like nodding off...) My work usually involves a lot of face to face work and dealing with urgent matters and lots of crisis situations. That is what suits me and I would never have taken a job working alone and doing paperwork all day 🙁

Feeling low and rubbish about my failure to do that, not being organised enough for home schooling which means the children are having too much screen time, and also failing to do a good job of housework, so when my DH gets in, I have little to show for being at home and feel like I’m failing him too.

I was diagnosed later in life OP. Medication helps a lot normally but not in this situation where there is no stimulation from the outside world.

I am a procrastination professional.

Which is why I'm here, writing this, instead of writing my enormous literary review which is due on Monday....

I think that while ADHD might be a possible explanation it is not something that you can pursue at the moment so rather than researching endlessly in an effort to self diagnose - and thereby procrastinate further - do something else.
Firstly, give yourself a break. There is a global pandemic going on and it is not business as usual. There is a lot of underlying stress which makes concentration difficult and ordinary things seem unimportant in contrast. Everybody is feeling this way and you can be your colleagues are probably experiencing the same but may be scared to admit it.
Focus on what you really must do, follow some of the suggestions above and take it day by day.
I would try and get your work done within working hours so that you can switch off at 5 or whatever because you are still entitled to leisure time even if your working time is not as productive as usual.

Stressing about work in evenings and weekends can be difficult to avoid but all you do is go back to the work less rested so try not to stress.

A very honest post, OP, and you're by no means alone; WFH can be a very difficult thing to do and requires a lot of self discipline which some manage better than others

It's a good thing that workplaces are changing in favour of more flexibility but there has to be a balance, and as any employer will tell you, there's sometimes much more enthusiasm for WFH than commitment to make it work - especially, sadly, when it comes to issues around childcare

IME this isn't an easy thing to manage, but fortunately it can be done ... though only if proper responsibility is taken by all involved

Sounds like possible self-sabotage, linked to your perfectionism? You can't face not being perfect/doing a really top job, so you leave it to the last minute so that in your head you have a good excuse (to yourself, if not your boss) for doing a bad job.

I do think some people aren't suited to home working though. I love it myself as I can really concentrate, and I wfh much of the time. I struggle to keeping my working hours down and switch off. DH hates it because he likes to be surrounded by people constantly.

@Asimovsfutureishere2020

It’s a drug in the amphetamine family, which apparently does something to ‘rebalance’ an ADHD sufferer’s brain chemistry and has the opposite effect to what you might imagine - it actually ‘quietens’ the mind and enables concentration.

It works for a set period of time depending on dosage, so 6-8 hrs or whatever, and then wears off. Non-addictive, no real side effects. It allows him to retain focus during the school day and consequently to relax, stress-free, in his downtime, without the guilt and anxiety of knowing he’s got work outstanding or is procrastinating right up to the wire on a deadline.

Even following professional advice, it wasn’t a decision we took lightly, but it was definitely the right thing for DS. He’s so much more happy and relaxed and it’s broken a cycle of anger, self loathing, frustration and defensiveness which was exhausting and stressful for all of us

OP, I could have written this too.

I've worked from home several days a week (sometimes 4/5 days) for a few years and usually have a good routine. In the last month, I've got nothing done.

I'm also considered 'good at my job', and things have been slipping through the cracks.

As a PP said, we're going through a global pandemic and all of us are low-key stressed about life in general.

Cut yourself some slack, make a list of what you need to do in priority order (pen and paper, so you can physically cross it out), put some focus music on and try and get things done in very small chunks.

Tomorrow really is a new day x

Me too. Could pretty much have typed what @KitKatKit said directly above. Lower your expectations about what can be done in a day, and use the timer, are my best pieces of advice.

Thanks all, really interesting to read your comments and they are enormously helpful.

The self sabotaging really rings a bell, sadly.

I genuinely think I've always been like this. I unearthed my university essays recently (from 1990-ish) and it was actually a bit sad to read the lecturers' comments. Along the lines of, "this is a very good essay but could have been excellent; seems very rushed", "what happened to the references, you seem to have run out of time?", etc etc.

And even at school before that I was academically clever but never pushed myself and my parents weren't interested. I was always a last-minute merchant there, too.

I do wonder what I could have achieved in life if I'd had more awareness.

Coming down to brass tacks, thanks for the reminder about the pomodoro technique (25 mins concerted effort using a timer), then five minute break, then repeat.

@funnelfanjo - I loved (and hate) the instant gratification monkey.
Hence sitting on MN instead of tidying the bomb site of a lounge in front of me!

@Muddlingalongalone I just wish the monkey was a bit more frightened of the panic monster, or the panic monster turned up a bit earlier in the planning process.

I am a complete last minute mary - I will get stuff done, and to a reasonable standard, but I'm always sliding to the line as the deadline bell is ringing. In my head I'm well prepared and know exactly what I want to do, it's just the doing that I find difficult to get started.

Definitely echo some PP in that I'm also a perfectionist and there seems to be a fear of not doing it to the right standard that stops me starting. Which is bonkers, because the earlier I start something, the more time I'd have to get it right!

I make myself very cross sometimes.

This is completely me! I am terrible at working from home. I find it almost makes me feel ill to be sitting in front of my laptop.
Based on a thread a couple of months ago on here I am starting a diagnosis of ADHD with my GP/referral. Hit a block with form to be filled in by parents/siblings though.
Both my parents are dead and my oldest sibling is only four years older than me so only 9-16 for the time period to be looked at. She really can't remember and there's no one else to ask.

OP, what you describe is so familiar to loads of us but... give yourself a massive break.

It’s a really distracting, chaotic, life-changing period while at the same time being mundane. Many (most?) people are finding it impossible to concentrate.

I hate WFH. I reckon I do about 3 hours of work. When I'm in the office I genuinely work hard!

@largeprintagathachristie I could have written your post down to your evident love of Agatha Christie. Just wanted to say you are not alone I find lists very helpful!

I am not working from home at the moment but reading your posts it's all so familiar to me because I am so bad at motivating myself. I recently had to do a lot of revision at home for an important exam and found a really odd technique worked for Me.... I would prop my phone up nearby somewhere and do a time-lapse video of myself working would try and keep it going as long as possible and keep working the whole time. I have no idea why but this really worked for me!! Maybe it felt like someone was watching me so I had to work? Might be worth a go

I'm the same OP but I'm no better in the office

And even at school before that I was academically clever but never pushed myself and my parents weren't interested.
^ so much this.

Because of your post today I have worked almost all day though. So thank you @largeprintagathachristie

Ive worked from home for ten years.

I think its important to get into a routine.

Write a list of jobs and stick to it.

I have good days and bad days also.

But I have a nice worktop in my kitchen to work off with my Alexa and I have the play list I listen to or I watch/have something on in the background.

If you like where you sit its half the battle.

I usually work from home if I'm not out visiting sites. I find you need a routine and a to-do list to stay focused.

I always make sure I get up, showered, dressed and don't wait till midday for example. I have a to-do list in my outlook I prioritise every morning and do it in that order. Anything which comes in later gets added to the list in order of priority. It works for me and stops me avoiding the nastier tasks so they don't pile up (which adds to any work related anxiety and dread!)

My colleague however uses his first hr at work as a 'quick win' hr, to get some productive easy stuff out the way before tackling a 'nasty' task immediately after. Trying to balance good with bad and means he starts the day with some positive vibes.

So many things to try you just need to find the tricks that work for you but I'd say a routine is the biggest one.

Do you have anyone else at home with you now though Queen? I was like you until lockdown and now I just feel so thrown off by DP being here. It feels like a constant Sunday!