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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether I overreacted?

26 replies

OriginalGeordie · 15/04/2020 21:22

So we live about 30 miles from the In-laws, us in a major UK city and them rurally. We are all obviously missing each other. BIL works in the city and was back to work today so MIL had sent him with the DC's Easter eggs to drop off. All good so far. I'm sat on the sofa just scrolling Facebook when I look up as I hear voices and find that BIL is stood as large as life in our living room! DH had invited him in!

I was pretty shocked, said hello then said come on outside this isn't on we shouldn't be mixing households. DH & BIL looked a bit shocked at me but carried on outside. We had a bit of a chat in the garden with BIL at the gate and us on the doorstep but you could tell that the pair of them thought I was being a cow.

Our DC'S who are 13 & 14 were upstairs when this happened but when I told them they rounded on DH and told him off. They are taking it very seriously indeed and aren't really wanting to go out for exercise either choosing to use trampoline in garden instead. He looked a bit shocked that they had such a strong reaction and muttered that he just didn't think.

I've just told my DM and she thought I was a bit rude and thought I should have just turned a blind eye seeing as it was BIL. So over to you, was I rude in asking him to step back outside, I'm doubting myself now!

OP posts:
OldPeculier · 15/04/2020 21:24

I think you handled it brilliantly.

ErrolTheDragon · 15/04/2020 21:25

YANBU. Your DH and BIL were daft.

Dozer · 15/04/2020 21:26

BIL’s trips to collect and drop off chocolate were Covidiocy.

vanillandhoney · 15/04/2020 21:26

You weren't rude, they were idiots.

DNAwrangler · 15/04/2020 21:27

Yanbu. Tell MIL that the virus hardly cares whether it’s your BIL.

YakkityYakYakYak · 15/04/2020 21:28

YANBU. I think you handled it exactly right.

Original poster
OriginalGeordie · 15/04/2020 21:29

Dozer not really, he drives ast the end our our road on his way to and from work so no detour. It would have been fine if he'd left them at the gate.

OP posts:
Original poster
OriginalGeordie · 15/04/2020 21:30

*past

OP posts:
bettybattenburg · 15/04/2020 21:34

You aren't being unreasonable - they are. I wanted to get Easter Eggs for my nephews so I spoke to my sister and she bought the ones I was going to buy when she did her supermarket shop and I did the same with the ones for my DCs from her. It just takes a bit of organisation.

BubblyBarbara · 15/04/2020 21:43

You did the right thing but sometimes being rude is the right thing as it makes people listen and do things! If it makes BIL think bad of you that is a price worth paying for your family’s survival

BackseatCookers · 15/04/2020 21:45

YANBU, BIL was an idiot and DH was a wuss.

Your kids sound awesome I like them Grin

Lizzieee2727 · 15/04/2020 21:45

Absolutely not unreasonable. I've left the house once in 6 weeks (15 mins total taking baby for her second jabs) thanks to online shopping and have been stuck with a 'shielded' husband too. Do I want to have a quick catch up with friends, of course but it's not worth the risk. Ultimately I'd be mortified if I was asymptomatic and passed it on and I'd hope they would too.

Namechange4nowt45 · 15/04/2020 21:46

Wow what a twat

Theukisgreatt · 15/04/2020 21:47

Yanbu! My neighbours had their their family round today and I could have cried. They are in an at risk group and have all the posters in the windows. Wtf. Nothing we can do about it.

Original poster
OriginalGeordie · 15/04/2020 21:49

Backseat the DC's are awesome and handling this situation brilliantly and maturely! I was a bit shocked at my DM's reaction though! She's usually very sensible and that's got me doubting myself.

OP posts:
Dozer · 15/04/2020 21:57

I’d be quite worried about DC (MH wise) not going out for walks/exercise at all, seems extreme to only go into the garden, unless anyone in the household is vulnerable.

Original poster
OriginalGeordie · 16/04/2020 10:22

Dozer not at all, they are outside most of the day. Mostly sit and do schoolwork on the patio. They go for a walk every 2nd or 3rd day but as I said prefer using the trampoline (which was about to be dismantled and got rid of before this Grin) and also enjoying doing the Joe Wicks exercise class most mornings. I think their MH is just fine, they obviously have a bit of anxiety around this whole situation but I imagine that's true for most people who can read newspapers and watch the news.

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 16/04/2020 10:27

I think you handled it well.

Whatsername177 · 16/04/2020 10:27

You did the right thing. We've had to do similar. MIL told us she wanted to come and visit the kids. She was struggling and really missing them. We told her she couldn't and we wouldn't let her in. She would have visited eith before or after her weekly trip to the supermarket - and that risks spreading the virus. Her reasoning was she was 'out anyway'. People will try and find loopholes because its hard. We mustn't bend the rules though.

LagunaBubbles · 16/04/2020 10:31

I'm amazed how many people are like this, not thinking is no excuse. Its obvious what the rules are, no mixing of house holds. I would be furious with your DH if it was me. Basically he has risked all your lives.

Northernparent68 · 16/04/2020 10:40

What you said sounds fair but I do n’t think children should tell their parents off.

ItsACounty · 16/04/2020 11:28

YANBU.
But unfortunately it’s going on all the time.
One lot of our relatives are visiting a different supermarket each day. Another lot are visiting adult sons and daughters houses all the time.
One of DH’s friends is meeting up with another friend to go for walks.
We deliver shopping to my 84yo mother who lives in sheltered accommodation - my DH drops the bags at her door and leaves immediately. Meanwhile, residents are out on the garden having a smoke together or chatting in the communal lounge. None of them observing the 2m distance.
None of the above think it’s a problem and when we mention distancing and isolating the response is - ‘oh, it’s fine’.

Original poster
OriginalGeordie · 16/04/2020 12:21

Northernparent68 ordinarily I would agree with you and normally they are very respectful but in this instance they were frustrated and upset with his actions. They have been following the guidelines to the letter, their birthdays are going to be spent in lock down, I think in this instance they were right to show their annoyance as he wasn't grasping why I was annoyed.

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PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 16/04/2020 12:41

While your DH was daft, I'm more concerned about your kids' reaction.

I wouldn't be proud, I'd be worried.

Sceptre86 · 16/04/2020 13:46

In normal circumstances I don't think kids should tell their parents off, it should be a respect thing. However in this instance your dh being absentminded or not thinking could have had a very real impact on all of you so it was acceptable for them to say they were displeased with him. You handled the situation very well and were not at all rude in my opinion.

My dd was 4 at the end of March, bil dropped off her present at out door stop on his way to doing his food shop and then text us to let us know it was there. He didn't alert us beforehand incase dh wanted to talk to him (albeit from an acceptable distance) as I work in pharmacy and pose a risk. It was mil's birthday this week and dh did the same, dropped off flowers and her card on the way to pick up milk and telephoned to let them know he had left them on their doorstep. Dh was told he should have come in as no one there poses a risk to him! Bil does deliveries as part of his own business and they are all still going out for walks etc. So it was ok for him to put himself at risk but not bil!

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