Introvert vs. extrovert - Anyone else struggling during lockdown?

[soddingsoda]

We're both furloughed therefore we're at home 24/7 and it's just us two.

It's great, I love him to pieces and it's the longest we've ever spent just us two.

However he needs constant attention. My DP literally cannot keep himself busy without wanting me in arms reach. He doesn't want to watch tv by himself, he likes me being around if he's playing his xbox etc etc. Tonight is the first time i've had some 'me' time and I forgot how bloody lovely it is. I've watched things that I actually wanted to watch, i've read random articles on whatever, in all honestly i've probably just spent two hours flicking through MN and I can't remember half of it.

He just doesn't get it and is now in a sulk that i'm punishing him and he doesn't know why. I've tried explaining that I'm usually a solitude person, that sometimes I just want to watch tv in peace. I'm getting very close to asking him to fuck off and stop bloody bugging me.

he hates sitting in silence, we couldn't just go on a walk and admire the view so it's constant chatter. I've ran out of things to say, he moans i'm on my phone too much and that he 'likes spending time with me'.

It sounds very wearing! Could you have(very) long baths, or would he want to share that too?

My DH too takes it personally if I want alone time. It's bloody annoying so I have no tips, but being around him and kids all day long, I'd happily spend evenings alone every night if I could. I obviously have it much, much easier than most atm but I hate this and can't wait for it to be over.

That sounds like hard work OP, sympathies. Don't really have an answer. I'm an introvert, more so as I get older and this lockdown is showing me just how much of an introvert I really am, I'm loving it.

DP is an introvert too but we often just seem to have our quiet moments and chattier moments completely mismatched.

Add to that two quite chatty teens it's hard going. I finished work today at 5pm but pretended I was in a meeting for another 30 mins with headphones in, staring out of the window. May also have been playing waves sounds quietly too.

Could you sit him down and explain this too him?

I mean, explain that you need time alone, that it's just part of who you are, not that some random mumsnetter skivved off work early to ignore her family...

I’m a single parent and would give anything for some adult company.

Aaah, you have my sympathies. This is the reason I prefer living alone, not being in a relationship. Real introvert me....

Yep, I get 'but I'm lonely' from my DH if I don't want to spend every moment with him outside of work time. I used to love it when he went away with work as I'd get loads of time alone. I do love him and we get on great, I just need more alone time.

Sounds like attachment rather than introvert/extrovert.

I love love spending time with DH but as I'm on maternity leave and DH is working from home I just need some time away from him and the kids to decompress and breathe before I have to get on. If he needed to interrupt me constantly because of his needs over mine then we'd be having issues.

He sounds very needy.

You'll have to sit him down and spell it out to him that he needs to learn to entertain himself.

Agree with Traviis I'm highly extroverted but that doesn't mean I need company all the time. In fact I'm struggling with not getting the downtime I need with work, DC and DH.

Definitely sounds more of an attachment issue.

He sounds a bit pathetic. Still, if you normally think he's great l guess that's ok.

Is he normally like this when you are both at home? It would drive me mad never having a moment to myself

We're both introverts and spent most of today in the same room him on computer working from home and me dressmaking. We spoke occasionally but were happy to get on with our own thing. I'm very independent and couldn't live with a man who has no real hobbies and can't entertain himself. It seems to show a lack of imagination and focus.

My DH doesn't stop talking. He likes to fill every quiet moment with random chatter. This morning I tried to have a quiet cup of tea and he literally talked for 20 mins straight. He doesn't even realise that I don't participate in the conversation! Usually we get on fine as he goes off to work/sport/hobbies and I work from home/have my own hobbies.

I have no idea is this photo will post, never attached anything before but I sent this to my husband after he left to run errands this morning.

I have sympathy with both sides here because I am an ambivert, and need to take account of both my intro- and extra-sides.

DH is very introverted and sometimes struggles to connect to my extroverted side if he’s been drained by work etc.

We’ve come up with a thing we’re if he’s struggling and needs down time, we do a little twirly dance together (he initiates by silently bowing and asking for a dance in quite an exaggerated fashion). After a minute or so he kisses me, we have a hug and he goes off for his down time. Then when he’s recharged we go through the same little routine and connect again.

It’s fun, makes me laugh and feel special as well as reassured. He doesn't need to talk or explain himself, he knows I’ll understand he just needs to switch off.

If he’s ever finding once he’s started that he needs more than a few hours, or to go out for a walk he’ll text me, mostly by emojis. And I’ll reply with emojis. When he’s getting nearly back to undepleted he starts texting animal gifs, and I respond in kind. If I’ve got caught in something else meantime I him know.

Making it as non-verbal as possible really helps.