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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed at DH

41 replies

IMissTheOutside · 15/04/2020 18:44

Let me start by saying I love my DH, and normally he is really supportive and this doesn’t happen every time...

But. For some reason if I’m having a really bad day he can take it personally.
Today I’ve had an awful day with our children both crying a lot (2u2) at seemingly nothing, mostly because they’re so cooped up, and I’ve really struggled and found myself just bursting into tears.

I messaged my husband saying I was struggling mostly just looking support and made a comment about how I wish his work wasn’t classed as essential and he got annoyed, saying we wouldn’t have any money etc.. I get that, and said that I was sorry I was just thinking of how much easier it would be if I had any support in the day and ever since he’s just been a grouch.

It’s like he can’t just be supportive when I’m stressed out and annoyed, he needs to take it personally and one up how annoyed I am.

AIBU to just want him to reply saying ‘yes it does suck, hopefully it won’t be too much longer but how about we take a family walk this evening’ instead of getting annoyed and barely talking to me?

OP posts:

rhowton · 15/04/2020 19:27

I'm with you OP! Looking after children is hard and difficult. My DH is a police officer and I literally resent him! I want to be at work, I want to be out of the house. I don't want to be cooped up at home with 2u2.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/04/2020 19:27

If he had had a bad day at work would he expect you to offer a bit of tea and sympathy? Everyone is allowed to have a bad day and their partner should be understanding.
You are allowed to have a moan but make it clear to him you are just venting and don’t require him to change anything.

CXG1 · 15/04/2020 19:29

I totally get it OP. I've cried to my husband every times he goes to work atm! It's hard bloody work. He usually just gives me cake and tells me he wishes he was at home too. Don't think it was unreasonable at all tbh.

Original poster

IMissTheOutside · 15/04/2020 19:29

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude he’s not really one for a cup of tea after a bad day, but I send him off to have a nice bath with a beer 😂 I’m going to try and talk to him later definitely

OP posts:

JulesBW · 15/04/2020 19:30

@mrsmuddlepies that’s how YOU feel. Don’t make someone feel bad for crying.

user1471441839 · 15/04/2020 19:31

Good for you those who wouldn't cry down the phone, have a parenting medal. Ignore the unhelpful and irelevent posts OP. Most of us parents have felt the same as you at some time. Hang on in there. And of course the comment from the grandparent is especially insignificant as the two roles are incomparable emotionally and practically .

madcatladyforever · 15/04/2020 19:32

YABVU to call him at work. Wait until he gets home.

Original poster

IMissTheOutside · 15/04/2020 19:33

@user1471441839 thank you, I really appreciate it

OP posts:

Original poster

IMissTheOutside · 15/04/2020 19:33

@madcatladyforever if it helps I didn’t call him, I just sent him a text, we speak throughout the day via text

OP posts:

AWryGiraffe · 15/04/2020 19:34

It's totally different looking after grandchildren occasionally - unless you're the primary carer, you get to give them back, and have a coffee or read a book etc without constant demands for attention.

Does he usually feel like he needs to 'fix' things when you just want to offload?

I don't think you're unreasonable. You're allowed to find it hard. Going out to work is often easier than the monotony of staying home and looking after the kids. There's lots on here that don't seem to find any bit of looking after small children challenging. I'm not one of them. It can get too much. Especially now when opportunities for adult conversation and time away is limited.

I had a blue day the other day and was teary. My other half took over when he finished work, did bed time while I had chance for some space away from my toddler and could breathe and be alone for a bit. He didn't get mad because I found it hard on my own.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 15/04/2020 19:35

He's probably frustrated that he can't fix it for you. My dh is a problem fixer and I have to remember that when I vent he's going to want to fix the problem not just listen to me rant. If it's a problem that he can't just fix like this he can get a bit belligerent, I try to remember that it's frustration at the problem not at me.

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/04/2020 19:41

OP
It’s ok to be overwhelmed and exhausted and need a cry. Children are relentless. No one can be a perfect, smiling mum all the time.
Sometimes it’s best to have a little cry, and then wash your face in cold water and carry on. It’s generally not a good idea to message someone while you have tears streaming down your face. It’s like drunk texting.
Wait until you feel calm and poised and then just text your DH a quick, love you, can’t wait to see you tonight or some such.
Don’t worry about crying in front of your children. It’s important for them to know adults can feel and cry too. I remember one day when I had three little ones and the baby started crying, then the middle one did too mostly because he couldn’t stand not being the youngest and so evrrytime his baby sister cried, he’d start up....and then I just had a wave of can’t do this anymore and I started crying and my eldest saw me crying which made him cry. We all hugged on the floor of the living room and had a cry together. Toddler hugs are the best, although can get hot and sticky. Then I wiped off their faces, washed my face and we all felt better.

DICarter1 · 15/04/2020 19:47

I understand your frustration. We have three children all under 12 and two have special needs. So between the house, home schooling and working I’m hacked off at my husband who takes himself off to the office and acts like he has a normal day at work.

Hassled · 15/04/2020 20:28

2 under 2 is pretty much as hard as it gets (except multiples, I guess) - in my case it was about 100 years ago but I still remember the relentless exhaustion, and that was without lockdown. Of course you're allowed to feel overwhelmed and have a whinge without your DH thinking it's some sort of implied criticism of him. He needs to find some empathy.

Waveysnail · 15/04/2020 20:53

Rephrase text next time. Cant wait to see you and get a hug. Iv had a awful day

Malvinaa81 · 15/04/2020 20:58

You asked so I answer:

You are being unreasonable, selfish and self centred.

Remember you asked, so don't get arsey with me.

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