Sometimes get really really angry at toddler

[HiyaGeorgie]

Hi all. DD is 15 months old and usually very happy and smiley. She has her grumpy/stroppy moments of course, and they’re getting more frequent as she gets closer to the dreaded terrible twos 😂 But most of the time she’s quite ‘easy’.

However, sometimes when she is being stroppy or overly irritable I find myself getting extremely irritated, to the point where, for the briefest of seconds, I want to hit her I never have and I never would, but for that brief second of white hot anger the urge is there. Whenever I feel this way I put her down and take a five minute breather and then all is fine, but then I feel awful afterwards!

It’s not every day, or even every week, just when she’s being especially testing. For example, the other day she had been whinging all day and then refused to eat her dinner, throwing it on the floor and screaming. I then tried give her some milk instead and she drank a bit but then spat it everywhere, and then threw the cup on the floor. I could feel myself getting really angry and even thought ‘I could really smack you right now!’. I didn’t of course, but the thought was there for the briefest moment

I don’t know if this is normal when parenting a toddler or wether I’ve got an anger problem. I would never have considered myself an angry person before I had kids, but now I can say that parenting has REALLY tested my patience! I don’t think the isolation of the lockdown has helped. My partner is a key worker working 12 hours 6/7 days a week, so it’s just me and DD 95% of the time. I am finding it very stressful, but I shouldn’t take it out on DD!

Has anyone else felt this way, or am I just a horrible person?

Hey op I've had this feeling before. The important thing is to recognise it and make sure you don't act on it. If you need to leave the room for a few seconds to cool down, then do that. My temper is usually pms related to be honest, I'm fairly easy going the rest of the time. I also had horrific mood swings when I was on the pill (this was pre DC), and again when I was put on amitriptyline for a pain condition. I stopped both of those due to the effects they were having on my mood. Just mentioning as if you're on any long term medication it could be having an effect. But that aside, children can definitely be testing!

It's completely normal! I think the only thing you can control is your reaction, so when my DD now refuses to eat I just take the food away rather than trying to keep pushing it, as I found doing this just made me feel more and more stressed. It's a particularly difficult time at the moment too so please don't beat yourself too much in regards to stress levels. I'm really struggling with a 2.7yr old

Absolutely normal to feel like that sometimes with babies and toddlers at the best of times, let alone at the moment when you can't get a break from them. I'm so glad dd is a teen; it can be a tricky age normally but is much easier in lockdown.

The most important things to remember are that you love your dd, you've never done anything to hurt her, you recognise your emotions and you're able to step away and take a breather when the stress is too much. Your dd won't be harmed by the thoughts swirling around when things get on top of you.

You sound like a very caring mum. Things will get better.

Struggling with a toddler too so I get it.
The most important helpful advice I ever read was to understand their strops / tantrums and whining are their only way of communicating with you until they can let you know what they need. It's incredibly frustrating of course but take a step back, calm the volume down by speaking clearly instead of shouting back and try to work through what she could possibly trying to tell you.
Dinner on the floor is annoying but not the end of the world- maybe she's not hungry, got tummy ache or needs to poop. Whining might be because of boredom or frustration, let's face it we're all bored right now we can't expect the kids not to get bored.
Please understand you're not on your own and we all struggle through this and you will get through.
Mine(2.5) is now amazing at telling me what he wants and doesn't want which means a lot less wasted food/ cooking time you'll get there too, but dinner ended up on the floor last night as he wanted rice pudding first. Which he then did, and ate a new plate of dinner after.
Ahh well.
Keep your head up and voice calm. It's tempting to 'smack' but this will just teach them it's ok to hit when angry.

Thank you all, so glad to hear others have experienced the same!

My DS is 16m and I feel exactly the same. I think the current situation isnt helping as we are all going a bit stir crazy. I have pretty bad post natal depression and Im really struggling with having to be with him all day every day.
I dont have any advice for you Im afraid, but you are definitely not alone.

Completely normal. Good to go to another room and throw something :) Also v hard if they hurt you, makes me see red for a second e.g. when you're having a lovely hug and they head butt you from nowhere....

This is me too :) I am currently working from home and have an 8 year and 3 year old, I'm also a single mum, so I have to do it all
Iv seen red quite a few times now, and I feel the anger rising and want to lash out, I never have done it never will as I was abused as a child and vowed that I would never lay a hand on my children, the thoughts and feelings have been there though but I think personally if u hit a child you have lost control and doesn't solves anything, I never really had anger problems until I had children and some of it is hormone related too, normally my children would go to their dads at the weekend and I would get a breather, but due to lock down this isn't happening, I feel you OP.

Mine was a little shit at 16 months. It goes up and down as they get a bit older but oh my the times I've had to physically leave the room and occasionally whack a pillow instead doesn't bare thinking about.
As pp said as long as you are controlling your reaction to the anger then it's not a problem.

There's a fantastic book called 1,2,3 magic by DR Phelan, that saved my life when my kids were toddlers, helped me use the right discipline when they were naughty, but more importantly helped me understand why they were doing naughty stuff.

Good luck, we've all been there