Dd5 not coping with lockdown - is it me?!

[Fallingstars20]

Ughh it’s just a moan really. My dd (aged 5, in reception) is not coping with lockdown very well. She’s become very clingy, constantly seeking attention and getting quite cross if she can’t get it (I’m working from home FT). If we go on even a short walk she will have a tantrum halfway around. She has a room full of toys, every day we have a check list of activities including both phonics/numbers and more fun stuff like board games/sticker books for us to do together but I do need to work. I’ve set her up with a tablet with disney+, Netflix, kids games. I’ve printed off a ton of twinkl activity sheets, got the paints out, etc. And she just can’t settle for 5 minutes. I feel like a complete bitch because I’m getting to a point of just irrationality and dreading the juggling act every single weekday. I can’t take off any annual leave right now and my managers are not sympathetic. I’ve tried talking to dd about how she feels about the lockdown, I’ve tried love bombing, she’s just not coping. She’s waking up two or three times a night and getting me up. Every time I try and say I need to work or can’t play right now, she seems to take it so badly.
Despite me doing reading with her daily her attention and ability seem to be getting worse and I’m really worried about her progress the rest of this reception year.

Can anyone relate/offer advice? I guess I’m just looking for anyone to say they’re in a similar boat as all I see on social media is mums loving it...

*irritability not irrationality that should say!

I have a 5 year old boy (P1 scotland) and he’s the same.

I think they know deep down that there’s been a seismic shift in their daily life and it’s upsetting them. They can’t articulate it as well as we can but they feel the dread and the weight of all this just as much as we do, as mu has we try to shield them.

Much as*

Can she sleep in your room as it sounds a lot like anxiety? Could she do her tasks while on the same room as you working? What was her day like before lockdown and have you worked outside the home for much of her life?

First off don't worry about her academic progress and the rest of the year, everyone is in the same boat and she's very young. Our school have said basically it's their role to get everyone back up to speed, and not to add to stress by trying to 'keep up'. So. Would she like a little desk next to yours, to watch videos /do games (with headphones if you need), so that she can be near you and feel a bit special, like you're working together? Try and have a proper lunch break together too. Their concentration spans are super short anyway at that age (mine are 9 & 3) so don't expect too much but it is hard when you have to work. Can you play tagteam with a partner, they work early doors and you work later?

I end up in her bed eventually every night, yeah. We do sit beside each other but she still can’t focus on what she’s doing. I guess she is lonely she has a lot of friends in her class and she’s a playful kid, I jsut can’t be that for her right now or at least all the time. She’s become obsessed with attention- if she sees me with a book or on my phone or on my work laptop she will just make a beeline for me and I’m finding it very draining. I’ve worked FT since she was about 7 months old if that’s relevant.
Her normal day before lockdown would be me taking her to school, school, tea club, me picking her up, we do homework/something together, dinner, bath, maybe some tv, story, bed. It was working for us but since this has happened either she’s massively regressed or she’s just very sad/scared and won’t talk about it.

Have you got a garden op? Do you do many activities outside? My ds is around the same age and doesn’t tolerate being in the house. We’re out in the garden almost literally from 8am to 8pm. Anything we’d normally be doing in the house, we just do outside. Plus he’s got his garden toys, water play, trampoline, we build dens etc. Your dd might just be going a little stir crazy stuck in the house for weeks

No we don’t- we have a flat unfortunately. I do take her out every day for exercise and try and get her to do exercise videos too. It’s rubbish for her being stuck inside most of the day, I know.

My 6 year old is the same! He won't sleep in his bed, keeps throwing tantrums, and refuses to do any school work. I have been just gently encouraging a little writing / reading practice, but am basically just trying to keep some kind of routine going, and not worrying about how much is going in. I'm not worried about him falling behind, as I think he will catch up, but I am worried about his emotional state. And mine. Plus he refuses to leave the house.

I think this is probably pretty normal, sorry. She knows something is wrong but can't articulate what she's anxious about. Our school has shared some documents about supporting children at the moment from unravel if you want to try to find them. I'd share but they're on my kids school website. I can't see how you can look after a 5 year old on your own and do normal work hours. It's just not possible and your workplace is expecting too much. Your daughter is not at fault and her reaction is normal.

Ipad.... ?

The only way I’m surviving this is unlimited screen time with lots of games apps and stuff uploaded for them. We do all the usual stuff you’ve listed to but downtime wouldn’t happen without one.

Do you have the numbers of any other parents from her class? My 5 year old really likes video-calling friends. They aren't great at actually having a conversation but they like to wave and I think it's reassuring that everyone is in the same position and that they aren't missing out.

How about setting her up her own little work station next to yours. You can both ‘play’ at schools together, whilst she is doing colouring in or some simple puzzles, you can do your stuff but be there to support and encourage her. Then both go for a nice walk together later. Do a hunt, set up a hunter page, draw a chimney, a letter box, a tree, a bus etc and hunt for the things on her list.
Distraction, always distract little ones when they start getting cross.

My 7 year old is similar - he’s way to aware of how things have changed, and quite anxious anyway. we have developed a fairly strict routine, and he is now coping much better.
my 3 year old on the other hand is having the time of his life!

I have two - 7 and 3 and both the same. The kitchen is practically a classroom with all their work displayed and activities stacked up. It's not their usual learning environment and they are missing their family, friends and teachers... they are fed up of this, so I DO try and sympathise but I have shouted and cried so many times

At the moment I've just sat down for 5 minutes - put Zootopia on for them, and my 3 year old is next to me repeating himself over and over and overrrr until I give him attention. My mental health is really, dangerously low. Doing it all alone as a single parent. I can't even go to the shop. The boys also fight on and off all day long.

My 6 year old has ASD and is struggling now too with the lack of regular routine. He keeps asking when it is school time and wants a lot more attention.

She is very young and is clearly not coping with the lack of directed activity. Also her usual experience of being at home with you would have been of her having your attention and not working so she is adjusting.

I would try to set up a visual timetable with a sticker chart/reward for her managing fifteen minutes to half an hour occupying herself in a play activity, you could set a timer to help her. I would also try to schedule longer work episodes after you have engaged in an activity with her especially something physical so she is more tired. Intersperse playing with her and work episodes throughout the day and try to give her lots of attention/1:1 play in the morning before you start work and again in the late afternoon when she will be more tired and hungry.

I was getting worried mine was the only one! My DD nearly 4 isn’t coping well either. She’s an outdoors girl that loves socialising and new experiences. Her world’s become so small and there’s no way I can help her to understand. Any time my attention isn’t focused on her is met with total disdain. She was nearly toilet trained (late to the party as it was) and she’s regressed completely. She cries at the slightest thing, like being asked a question and sometimes just stares vacantly. It’s killing me to see her like this, I’m just being there as much as I can and reminding her it’s not forever, which is all I think we can do. I’m holding out hope that as life goes back more to routine, even in just a little sense, she’ll come back into her own. No amount of distraction can plaster over the fact I’m not her nursery, I’m not her grandparents or her friends

Do you have any friends or relatives who could keep her company over a video call so you can work? Potter alongside her and comment on what she is playing or doing? A couple of my friends have employed virtual nannies who are online companions and I was surprised at how much the children enjoy it.

Unfortunately no 5 year old will amuse themselves for very long without wanting attention.

This is me at the moment

Do you have contact with any of her friends parents - we have done a few class zooms not particularly productive they all chat over each other but they love seeing each other.

My daughter is 5 and is really struggling with this massive change - last two days has been asking me if she is going back to school next week.

Luckily I have a 3 year old as well who they play really well with so she does have company. I am also only working 3 days a week which helps.

But yes to the clingy, attention seeking, anxious. We are rolling with it as much as we can

DollyTots my nearly 4yo sounds very similar. We’ve had a lot of wee accidents and she is very prone to emotional outbursts at the moment. She has been a really social little thing from the off and it has been hard for her. Some of my friends have children that are relishing the time at home. Mine is not. She’s made up a song about the virus going away and being able to be free again which she sings at top volume in the garden. She’s at her happiest on our walks as we’ve often run into people to say hello or video calls with her friends.

We are housebound but trying to relieve the pressure on parents of our DGC via phone chats with individual kids,(for some reason, they think this is more grown up and exciting if they are the caller and have to dial grandparents number themselves on a landline. ) They enjoy jitsi video calls ( I bring some awful jokes, riddles or a fun quiz, all available online). They love to receive a private letter by snailpost, with an SAE so they can send one back, or just draw a picture for me etc). We all send each other whatsapp pictures of whatever we're doing.

Maybe your extended family  can adapt some of the above for your DC; let her video chat to adults or her own friends , draw or colour in  and post pictures to family etc.

My 5 year old dd is definitely struggling more than 9 year old dd & definitely getting too much screen time.
A (flexible) timetable does work here - as well as lots of colouring.
I'm furloughed now but for 1st 2 weeks I was starting at 7 before dd got up & putting a film on for after school club to get a clear 2hrs work & doing 1hr ish in the evening but taking a proper lunchtime & playing a game etc as well as 1/2hr in the pm
Can you use what would normally be commuting time to work longer but take it elsewhere iyswim?
Otherwise as much exercise as possible.
Good luck!

My four year old (in reception) is very similar. We’re having daily screaming tantrums about minor issues and she is coming into our bed every night. We are doing a bit of school work but I’m keeping it quite limited. I am allowing massively more screen time than I normally would as it keeps her calm and entertained. I am telling myself we can reintroduce rules once this period is over! Four and five year olds are only tiny and it’s understandable that they are reacting badly to their whole worlds being turned upside down.

Is there any chance you could flex your workday? If so you could spend the morning doing things with her, plonk her in front of the telly in the pm then you work in the evenings once she's in bed. Sorry for you both, it must be so hard.